Calm the Storm: How EMDR Can Help You Heal and Thrive

Healing from trauma or emotional pain can feel like an uphill battle, but it doesn’t have to be. Whether it’s a difficult experience, a recent trauma, or the stress of everyday life, finding a path to healing isn’t always easy. That is where EMDR comes in. Have you heard about it? Since I’m in the field, I’ve heard of it (and did EMDR!) myself, but I’ve noticed it started gaining more recognition with Prince Harry’s 2020 interview. Many celebrities have come out sharing their positive experiences with EMDR such as Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato, and Sandra Bullock. Its increased popularity in recent years is no surprise given its effectiveness for healing trauma, anxiety, and other aspects of mental health.

 All right, so what exactly is EMDR?

EMDR is a specialized therapy that helps people process and heal from trauma and other distressing life experiences. I used EMDR for quite the range of things from childhood trauma (I still struggle to remember my times tables, does anyone remember learning those?) all the way to I am totally stressed out trying to balance my kids, work, and having a life.

The beauty of EMDR which is different from traditional talk therapy, EMDR uses guided eye movements to help you process those difficult memories and reduce the emotional intensity associated with them.

Just so you know during an EMDR session, your therapist will guide your eye movements back and forth while you focus on a particular memory or thought. This process helps your brain reprocess the memory in a way that makes it less emotionally charged. Over time, what once felt overwhelming can become much more manageable, allowing you to move forward with a sense of peace and resolution.

What Do Those Letters Stand For?

E and M – Eye Movement. Your EMDR-trained therapist will use gentle physical or auditory stimulation to get your eyes to move back and forth (called bilateral stimulation or BLS). Yes, this can sound like hypnotism but please bear with us. This movement activates both sides of your brain and primes it for the next phase…

D – Desensitization. This phase is dealing with “all of the person's responses (including other memories, insights and associations that may arise) as the targeted event changes and its disturbing elements are resolved.” Kari, our EMDR therapist, describes this phase as mentally picking up all of the papers that have been dropped on the floor.

R – Reprocessing. This is where the eye movement gets really important. This is where the client briefly focuses on the trauma or disturbing memory while simultaneously engaging in BLS. This is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotional intensity associated with the disturbance being addressed. Kari explains this as putting the papers in order, placing them in the correct filing cabinets, and then closing the drawers.

EMDR does not remove the memory but it takes the heat and the intensity out of it and moves it from a near re-lived experience to its appropriate place in the brain as a memory.

What Makes EMDR Unique?

What sets EMDR apart is its ability to work quickly and deeply. Many people find that they experience significant relief in a relatively short amount of time. It’s also a great option if you’re someone who struggles to talk about your feelings or past experiences. Because EMDR doesn’t rely solely on verbal expression, it can be a less daunting approach to therapy.

Real-Life Results

Let’s talk about what you can expect. Imagine feeling lighter, more in control, and less triggered by the things that used to weigh you down. EMDR can help you achieve that by rewiring the way your brain processes those difficult memories. It’s about more than just “getting over” something—it’s about truly healing from it.

The effects of an EMDR processing session can sit in the back of a person’s mind for multiple days. Clients report flashes of new insight up to several days after an EMDR session and sometimes even relevant dreams.

What Is EMDR Good For?

Originally designed as a trauma-processing technique, EMDR has also been found to be effective for

·      Anxiety

·      Panic attacks

·      Stress

·      Phobias

·      Complicated grief

·      Self-esteem and performance anxiety

Is it safe?

You bet it is! It is a carefully structured and researched-supported therapy. It is non-invasive meaning no medications or physical interventions. EMDR relies on the natural healing process of the brain, which are activated through specific techniques, such as guided eye movements.

Another beautiful aspect of EMDR is that the client is in control. The client is allowed and welcome to stop a processing session at any time. A good EMDR therapist will then check in with the client and help them regain enough stability to continue with the rest of their day.

Ready to Explore EMDR?

If you’re curious about how EMDR could work for you, consider reaching out to us. Click here to start your EMDR journey today!

Taking care of your mental health is one of the best investments you can make in yourself. Whether you're new to therapy or looking for a fresh approach, EMDR could be exactly what you've been searching for.

Overcoming the Winter Blues: Effective Anxiety and Depression Treatment

As the winter season sets in, many individuals find themselves grappling with the "winter blues," a term used to describe the onset of anxiety and depression during the colder months. The combination of reduced daylight, colder temperatures, and the challenges of the season can take a toll on mental health. In this blog post, we'll explore effective strategies and treatments for overcoming the winter blues, offering hope and support for those navigating anxiety and depression.

Understanding Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):

Seasonal Affective Disorder, aptly acronymed as SAD, is a type of depression that occurs at specific times of the year, typically during the fall and winter months when sunlight exposure is limited. The lack of natural light can disrupt the body's internal clock and lead to symptoms such as low energy, changes in sleep patterns, and a persistent feeling of sadness.

Light Therapy:

Light therapy, also known as phototherapy, is a common and effective treatment for SAD. This involves exposure to a bright light that mimics natural sunlight. The light helps regulate melatonin and serotonin levels, alleviating symptoms of depression and improving mood. Consider incorporating daily light therapy sessions into your routine to combat the winter blues.

Regular Exercise:

Exercise has been proven to be a powerful antidote to depression and anxiety. Engaging in regular physical activity boosts endorphin levels, which are neurotransmitters associated with improved mood. Whether it's a brisk walk, a home workout, or a fitness class, finding an exercise routine that suits your preferences can make a significant difference in managing the winter blues.

Counseling and Therapy:

Seeking professional support through counseling or therapy can be instrumental in overcoming anxiety and depression. A trained therapist can help you explore and address the root causes of your winter blues, provide coping strategies, and offer a supportive space for self-reflection. Talking about your feelings and experiences can be a crucial step toward healing.

Mindfulness and Meditation:

Practicing mindfulness and meditation can be effective in managing symptoms of anxiety and depression. These techniques encourage staying present in the moment, reducing the impact of negative thoughts and worries. Incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine, even for just a few minutes, can contribute to a more positive mindset.

Balanced Nutrition:

Nutrition plays a vital role in mental health. Ensure your diet includes a variety of nutrient-rich foods, such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Omega-3 fatty acids, found in fish and flaxseeds, have been linked to improved mood and can be beneficial in combating the winter blues.

Social Connection:

Maintaining social connections, even in the midst of winter, is crucial for mental well-being. Whether through virtual meetups, phone calls, or in-person gatherings when possible, staying connected with friends and loved ones provides emotional support and combats feelings of isolation.

While the winter blues can be challenging, effective treatment options are available to help individuals overcome anxiety and depression. Whether through light therapy, exercise, counseling, mindfulness, nutrition, or social connection, a holistic approach can make a significant impact. If you or someone you know is struggling with the winter blues, know that support is available, and there are ways to bring warmth and light into the colder months. Remember, reaching out for professional help is a sign of strength, and together, we can overcome the winter blues and embrace the brighter days ahead.

5 Hints to Managing the Mental Load of the Holidays

The holiday season is here. For many people, the decorations, holiday music, and shopping bring warm feelings of joy and nostalgia. Moms/ the primary caregiver everywhere works tirelessly to give their families a memorable and joyful experience. This planning and extra running around coupled with the normal routine of everyday life can amount to a stressful mental load. To stay healthy & happy, moms must find ways to cope and keep this load manageable.  

Although in heterosexual couples' dads participate in the holidays, most families agree that moms still carry the brunt of the responsibility. The extra stress associated with the holidays and the feelings of guilt for not being able to do more lead to negative feelings. Incorporating the tips discussed in this article is a terrific way to manage the mental load of the holidays and properly self-care. 

5 TIPS TO MANAGING THE MENTAL LOAD OF THE HOLIDAYS: 

1. Practice Self-care. A perfect way for moms to manage a heavy mental load during the holidays is to relax. In other words, engage in activities that bring stress relief and comfort. Activities could include exercise, reading, listening to music, or any other hobby that is enjoyed. Breaking up hustle and bustle of planning with some self-care can do amazing things to reduce stress, anxiety, taking time for self-care rejuvenates and gives energy so that moms can then focus on their kids and families. 

2. Make a plan and stick to it. Like most stressful things, planning helps reduce part of the burden and worry. Moms who plan are more likely to keep their mental load in order. Having a list of tasks that need to be accomplished during the holiday season provides the structure needed to manage a heavy load. The crucial point here is to stick to the original plan. If new, things are constantly added, then having a plan, to begin with, is ineffective.  

3. Manage Expectations. One of the main causes of carrying a heavy mental load during the holidays is the fear of letting loved ones down. Moms are expected to buy the best present, plan an exciting trip, and prepare the most festive meal. The pressure of perfection can trigger an enormous amount of anxiety. Having the understanding that things will not turn out perfectly, because there is no such thing as perfect, is an important part of keeping the mental load in check. 

4. Be dedicated to the fact that the holidays are supposed to be joyous. The holidays are a happy time, or at least they should be. When things get tough though, take a moment or two to remember what is being celebrated. Having family and friends around during the holiday season is special and should be something to look forward to. If that idea is lost, then the whole concept of celebrating the holidays needs to be reevaluated. Sometimes the joy can be harder to find and that’s okay! During those not so joyous moments it would be a wonderful time to model how to handle the disappointments to your children. If children observe that you can be present and working through your feelings in real time, they too will start utilizing those skills. Additionally, if they see parents be happy during the holiday time it will teach children about the importance and beauty of the holidays. 

5. Delegate tasks. Do not take on everything alone. Having support during the holiday season is an effective way to help cope with things and create efficiency in getting things done. Give yourself grace to not be a “Super Mom;” just remember you are not alone. Utilize help when it is available for small, medium, or large tasks.  

Holiday time can sometimes trigger serious mental health issues such as depression or severe anxiety. This can occur for assorted reasons including past trauma, missing deceased family, or the high level of stress associated with the holidays. If symptoms should arise and feel different or worse than usual, consider seeking professional help. The experienced Obsidian Counseling & Wellness team has the skill set and expertise to provide the necessary therapeutic interventions needed to get these feelings under control.  

Moms will always carry a heavy mental load during the holidays. It comes with the territory. Being able to manage that load is challenging but doable with the right support. Following the tips provided in this article is a great start. More than anything else, enjoy this special time of year with family and loved ones. That is the most important thing to achieve. Happy Holidays. 

What Depression Looks Like In Teens & Young Adults

The transition period between being a child and becoming an adult can be nerve-racking. You may start to feel pressure from new responsibilities but are still being treated as a child by adults in your life. Major life changes or transitions can make you feel lost, and you may experience feeling or emotions you never felt before. Sometimes, this can even cause teenage depression.

Depression is one of the most common mental illnesses in young adults or teens. Symptoms of young adults’ depression may look different than when mental illness occurs later in life. Sadness or feeling like you need help is nothing to be ashamed about. Nearly 11% of young adults will experience depression. While that may not seem like a high percentage, one out of every ten young adults will be diagnosed with depression at some point. It may feel like you must fight this battle alone, or no one else knows how you feel, but people understand and want to help.

Although “depression” is a word commonly used in our social vocabulary it is a catch all word to describe/infer several distinct types of depression which, consist of various differing symptoms. Below are some of the more commonly understood depressive disorders and others that may not be as well known:

6 Types of depression

• Major depression disorder

  • sadness occurring within a two-week period where functioning has significantly changed from previous levels. You may notice a loss of interest or pleasure and feelings of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, changes in weight (loss or gain), changes in sleep patterns (more or less), and poor concentration.

• Persistent Depressive disorder

  • symptoms of depression (as listed above) that last for at least one year in adolescents and two years in young adults.

• Premenstrual dysphoric disorder

  • in the majority of menstrual cycles a week before menses feeling suddenly sad, increased sensitivity to rejection, irritability, tearfulness, anxiety, and lethargy. The symptoms start to improve within a few days after the onset of menses or become minimal or absent post-menses.

• Substance/Medication-Induced Depressive Disorder

  • mood changes as a result of substance intoxication.

• Perinatal Depression

  • a depression that is triggered by physical and hormonal changes during and after pregnancy.

• Seasonal Affective Disorder/SEASONAL DEPRESSION

  • suffering from symptoms of depression during the winter months or when there is a decrease in natural sunlight.

Causes of young adult depression

There is no one cause of depression. However, we know that young adults and teens are faced with many life changes, like moving away from home for the first time or struggling with your identity. The life adjustments can lead to increased level of stress which can manifest into feelings of sadness, isolation, and loneliness. It is typical for anyone to experience "low" or "off" days. However, when these feelings persist, it can cause concern that there is something else going on. Often in adolescence and young adulthood, depression does not work alone. Other mental illnesses like anxiety or OCD may be diagnosed in tangent, which can worsen symptoms.

Adolescents that identify in the LGBTQ+ community are at an even higher risk of suffering from depression. In a 2022 national survey by The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ youths reported experiencing symptoms of depression 58% of the time, and 45% had contemplated suicide this year. Challenges with depression may be due to oppression and discrimination at school or home. Teens in this community often do not feel heard or accepted for who they are or may not even feel safe enough to show their identity.

Adolescents who are frequently on social media may also be at a higher risk for developing depression. Social media presents an unrealistic version of people’s lives and teens looking at social media may feel like their lives are not as cool or fun. From 2010 to 2017, the rate of depression in adolescents increased by 57%. During this time, the rise of social media and influencers was also very prominent.

Common Symptoms of Depression

Everyone experiences depression differently, but there are common symptoms you may notice in yourself or others.

• Anxiety

• Sudden irritation or anger

• Difficulty concentrating

• Memory and decision

• Loss of interest in activities or hobbies

• Changes in sleep

• Changes in appetite

• A feeling of sadness or worthlessness.

• Lack of energy

• Aches, pains, stomach issues- depression can often manifest into physical problems.

• Thoughts of self-harm and/or suicide

Symptoms of depression often work together. For example, if you are struggling with making decisions, like deciding where you want to go to eat, feelings of anxiety may arise. This anxiety may lead to simply not wanting to eat at all. Or a lack of energy and inability to get up in the morning may happen because you were restless the night before or felt like you did not need to sleep.

Depression symptoms experienced by teens are also different than symptoms experienced by adults. Adults are more prone to experience insomnia and are often sad or withdrawn. Teens with depression may experience irritability or anger. They also may begin to lose interest in afterschool activities, or their grades may significantly change. It’s important to recognize the differences between depression at different stages in life because it may help explain the sudden changes in someone’s behavior.

How therapy can help

The right counselor will help identify what type of depression you are experiencing and help you work through your experience. A counselor uses various techniques that can help alleviate the symptoms.

A common approach to treating depression is talk therapy. Talk therapy is done by talking to your counselor about your whats going on in your life. Your counselor may provide you with tools to help you work through problems or roadblocks you may be experiencing.

Asking for help or looking for treatment is challenging. But all it takes is one step. If you or your teen is experiencing symptoms of depression, it is essential to reach out to get the help you need.

DEPRESSION THERAPY FOR TEENS AND YOUNG ADULTS IN CHICAGO, IL

Here at Obsidian, our therapists love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. Therefore, at our Chicago, IL, area therapy practice, we offer evidence based mental health services for adolescents struggling with depression and more. Additionally, we offer yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. Lastly, it’s also important to note that our therapists are LGBTQIA+ affirming.

BEGIN THERAPY FOR DEPRESSION WITH A SKILLED THERAPIST

So, if you are ready to begin therapy and looking for a therapist who can use truly evidence based practice in counseling sessions, we can help. Please, take the steps below to get started with in person or online therapy sessions.

1. Fill out a contact form or by calling our counseling practice at (224) 255-4411.

2. Begin therapy sessions with a skilled teen therapist.

3. Start you depression and creating a life you desire.

You deserve to find true healing. Going to therapy is never easy, but it absolutely can help and you working with a therapist using evidence based practice gives you the best possible route to feeling better. So, don’t stay stuck where you are right now. Reach out for support. Our therapists are here to help.

4 Tips for Transitioning from High School to College

Welcome to College

Congrats to you! Completing high school and moving on to college is an exciting time of life. There is newfound independence and opportunities to try different things. There are also new and challenging responsibilities. With so much change happening all at once, it is common to experience nervousness, hesitation, and anxiety at the mere thought of college. Managing these feelings can be difficult, but utilizing some important tips and tools is a good way to create a smooth transition.

4 Tips for Smooth Transitioning to College

1.     Fine-tune time management skills. Time management habits gained thus far will need to be adjusted and/or enhanced. College will test your time management skills almost immediately. Adapting to a new type of school schedule coupled with studying and other activities is a critical component of a smooth transition.

2.     Get involved. First off, make sure to attend class. It is not always easy to show up. Especially when taking attendance is not routine in most classes, particularly in large lectures. Attending class will help you become more comfortable with your peers and your surroundings. Additionally, joining clubs or extracurricular activities gives you opportunities to socialize and feel part of something.

3.     Take care of body and mind. You are now responsible for feeding yourself. A major component of a healthy lifestyle is diet. Ensure you eat healthily. This seems like a simple thing, but so many times nutrition is forgotten. Also, exercise or engage in an activity that relieves stress and makes you happy. Having a healthy body and mind is crucial for success.

4.     Use available resources when needed. You may need assistance adjusting to a new environment, or just managing emotions. Most colleges and universities have resources such as social workers, counselors, or other professionals with the experience and expertise in giving you the tools needed to succeed. Do not hesitate to seek out help if you exhibit feelings of being overwhelmed or overly anxious.

You Are Not Alone

It is very normal to experience homesickness and loneliness when starting college. Following the tips above is a good way to help combat those feelings. Remember that most of your cohort feels the same way and that you are not alone. Reach out to your support system or mental health specialists if needed. Starting college does not mean you have everything figured out and are fully ready to be on your own. It takes time and oftentimes requires help.

How Therapy Can Help

If you or a family member anticipate having a difficult time transitioning to college, attending therapy sessions prior may be something to consider. Therapy can help provide useful and constructive tools needed to adjust to new surroundings and a new way of life. The experienced team at Obsidian Counseling and Wellness is available to provide counseling and therapy to those who need some extra help adjusting to college life.

5 Tips to Stop the Cycle of Imposter Syndrome

Do you ever say to yourself…

“Success is no big deal. It’s all down to luck.” 

“When are they going to find out I’m actually no good at this?”

“I feel like a fake.”

“I’m a fraud.”

“I must not fail.”

If you do you might be experiencing Imposter Syndrome. Also sometimes called “perceived fraudulence," imposter syndrome is a strong feeling of self-doubt and incompetence despite evidence to the contrary. That evidence may include your education, experience, or accomplishments.

Imposter syndrome is often found in high achieving people, women, and underrepresented racial, ethnic, religious, and gender and sexuality minorities. It overrides any feelings of success or external evidence of competence. It is marked by fears that past accomplishments will not be replicated or that others will find out or “unmask” a person as a fraud who does not actually know as much as everyone thought they did.

This internal struggle frequently contributes to increasing anxiety, depression, less risk-taking in careers, and burnout.

Anyone can be affected by imposter syndrome. It can be found in BIPOC individuals who work or study in predominately white spaces. It can be found in first-generation college students or white-collar employees. It can also be found in trans and nonbinary individuals who experience a pervasive fear of not being “man/woman enough” and therefore will not be seen by the world.

Does this sound like you?

Imposter syndrome is not uncommon. Some studies show as many as 82% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives. That’s basically everybody.

A Cycle of Anxiety, Depression and Burnout

The problem with imposter syndrome is it becomes a cycle. No matter how hard you work you always wind up in the same spot.

These constant swings of anxiety and depression wreak havoc on your body and your brain’s ability to function and cope. You may notice yourself late to work because you just couldn’t make yourself get out of bed or leave the house on time or get out of the car when you arrive.

That is your brain trying to protect you from what it sees as a highly negative and unpleasant space. Unfortunately, you may also interpret this as further evidence of your fraudulence in addition to repercussions for arriving late to work.

And while a little anxiety can galvanize us, too much wears out the system. Both your body and your mind become exhausted and this can lead to depression. Depression will then echo the feelings of being an imposter because depression is nothing if not a big, fat, negative liar.

 Overtime this continuous cycle of anxiety and depression will result in burnout. Burnout can then result in dropped productivity, fewer results, or more sick days. This then becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy of inadequacy that is difficult to recover from without help. Cleveland Clinic has some additional information on burnout.

Why Does Imposter Syndrome Happen?

How imposter syndrome develops in any given person is idiosyncratic, meaning it is unique to the individual. The why of imposter syndrome, however, is fairly straight forward: we are privy to our inner thoughts when nobody else is, and we know how much effort we put in because we were there the whole time.

The kicker, of course, is nobody else knows all of that unless we say something. But part of the fear of imposter syndrome is being found out as, well, an imposter. So, people who struggle with it find themselves incapable of sharing these experiences and doubts with others.

For BIPOC and queer individuals there is the added difficulty of being made to feel like a space was not build with them in mind. This study encourages a reconceptualization of imposter syndrome for these populations that moves away from internal insecurities—as has been the prevailing approach with white populations—towards the environmental factors that elicit these imposter feelings.

As an example, if an African-American interviews for an upper management position but everyone in the office is European-American it is natural to feel this space was not created with him in mind. Or for a Muslim who is subtly told by management she should not walk away from her desk to perform Salah (praying towards Mecca).

Imposter Syndrome Looks Different for Everyone

We can break down imposter syndrome into five basic types: the perfectionist, the expert, the natural genius, the soloist, and the super person.

The Perfectionist:

What it looks like: In this brand of imposter syndrome, you must be absolutely perfect. Otherwise, you could have done better. The perfectionist sets exceptionally high goals. When these goals are not met serious self-doubt sets in.

How to spot one: The perfectionist can…

• be accused of micromanaging,

• have difficulty in delegating,

• and feel their work must be 100% perfect 100% of the time.

 The accompanying thought: I’m not as good as others think I am.

 The Expert:

What it looks like: Here, imposter syndrome convinces the expert they must know everything that can possibly be known about a certain topic/subject. Otherwise, they have not mastered the subject and will be exposed as unknowledgeable or inexperienced.

How to spot one: The expert might… 

• shudder when called an expert

• shy away from applying for jobs unless they meet every single educational requirement,

• constantly seek trainings and/or certifications with the belief they need to improve their skills in order to succeed,

• still feel they don’t “know enough” even if they have been in their role for some time

The accompanying thought: If there is still more to learn then I’m not an expert.

The Natural Genius:

What it looks like: With this type, you may feel like a fraud because you don’t believe you are naturally intelligent or competent. This type judges competence by speed and ease rather than effort. If it takes too long to master, they feel shame.

How to spot one: The natural genius…

• is used to succeeding without much effort,

• was told they were the “smart one” as a child,

• feels shame and low confidence when faced with setbacks,

• avoids challenges because it is so uncomfortable to try something they aren’t great at,

• dislikes the idea of having a mentor because they can “handle things on their own.”

The accompanying thought: I didn’t get it right the first time. It’s taking me longer to master this skill than it should. I’m an imposter.

The Soloist:

What it looks like: The soloist is afraid to ask for help for fear they will be exposed as a phony.

How to spot one: The soloist…

• may firmly believe they need to accomplish everything on their own,

• frames requests for help in terms of requirements for the project/task at hand rather than their needs as a person,

• may rebuff offers to help by saying “I don’t need anyone’s help.”

The accompanying thought: If I couldn’t get here on my own am I really that competent?

The Super-Person:

 What it looks like: The super-person struggles with the belief they must be the hardest worker and/or reach the highest levels of achievement possible. They may also be convinced they are a phony hiding amongst others who are “the real deal.”

How to spot one: The super-person may…

• stay later at the office than anyone else even after completing the day’s necessary work,

• get stressed when not working and find “downtime” to be a complete waste,

• let hobbies and passions drop out of their lives in favor of work,

• and does not feel like they have truly earned their title/position despite a pile of achievements, and thus feel compelled to work harder and longer to prove their worth.

The accompanying thought: If I’m not the best I’m a fraud.

Can I Stop Feeling Like an Imposter?

Yes! You very much can. It will not be easy, but you absolutely can. Here are some steps to get you started:

Step 1: Focus on the Facts

Imposter syndrome tricks you into thinking you aren’t qualified for what you are doing. These emotions, however, are typically based in fear rather than fact. Separating your feelings from the facts is a great strategy for combating imposter syndrome.

Easier said than done, we know. You can start with some confidence building through your very own SWOT analysis. That’s “strength, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats.” It’s used by businesses but there’s no reason you can’t use it for yourself!

Step 2: Acknowledge, Validate, and Let Go:

The first step said to focus on the facts. However, that does not mean your feelings are not valid. Feelings are always valid. It’s just what we do with them that makes the difference. That means combating imposter syndrome is not about ignoring your feelings. It means acknowledging they are there but knowing they do not necessarily reflect reality.

For example, feeling unqualified does not mean you actually are. It is absolutely okay, and recommended, to say “I am feeling unqualified. That’s okay. Now I’m going to let those feelings go.”

Step 3: Reframe Your Thoughts

Thoughts are powerful. If they were not, we wouldn’t experience things like imposter syndrome. Thoughts shape how we see the world and ourselves, and thus shape our reality. Sometimes this is a positive thing and others it’s negative.

If you reframe your thoughts about yourself and set realistic goals your mind will change overtime and ultimately see yourself as deserving of your position/place/achievements.

For example, if you find yourself thinking “I don’t deserve this position” try “I may feel insecure right now but I would not have been placed in this position if I wasn’t capable.”

Step 4: Share How You Feel

Imposter syndrome can feel very isolating so this is, of course, easier said than done. Challenge yourself to reach out and talk to someone you trust and share your concerns.

This can be a colleague, a teammate, a supervisor, a friend or a partner. Sharing how you feel with another also provides a strange little confidence boost because you had the guts to do so! This is a direct attack on the isolation of imposter syndrome – good job!

Finding a mentor, if possible, can also be a good idea. Someone in your field that you look up to and can have a frank conversation with about how they have improved their skills and what challenges they have had.

We assure you that everyone struggles even if that thing is easy for them now. Yes, even, if they pretend they didn’t. It’s a fair bet that’s their own imposter syndrome talking.

Step 5: Learn from Your Peers

It’s hard not to compare ourselves to our peers. We often wind up thinking we’re the worst one by comparison. The truth is no one is a master at everything. But! Everyone is a master of something. You might be the office Excel guru or the one person on your team that can explain how to execute this play.

When working or engaging with your peers you can exchange your knowledge for learning new skills. Try to avoid the habit of comparing yourself to others. Acknowledge the value you add to the group while learning new things from your peers.

Step 6: Congratulate Yourself Once in a While

Combat your imposter syndrome head on – celebrate your accomplishments! The next time you feel good about something you’ve done share it with your colleagues or someone outside of that setting that you trust. Maybe treat yourself to a pizza!

If you believe your life is shaped by your actions, your choices, and your decisions you can then take responsibility for your achievements, as well. Take credit for the expertise and skill that helped you reach your goal or complete that project.

Another good idea is to keep a record of positive feedback and praise, even if it’s a brief “Good job!” text message. Then, the next time you hear that negative voice inside you can review those positive messages.

Can Obsidian Help Me Recover from Imposter Syndrome? 

All challenges are easier to overcome when you have a trusted partner at your back. Obsidian’s team of therapists are skilled and experienced with imposter syndrome. Professional, we mean, though maybe personally, too! 

CONSIDER Imposter Symdrome THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL

Feeling like you are aren’t good enough can significantly impact your mental health. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing self-confidence and decreasing those negative thoughts feeding the imposter syndrome in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1.     Fill out a consult form here.

2.     Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3.     Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

8 Signs of a Highly Sensitive Person; Are You One?

Have you ever been told “you are too sensitive”, “stop overthinking”, “why do you cry so much” or “toughen up”? You could be one in the 15-20% of the population who identify as highly sensitive people/person (HSP).

Sensitivity also has a cultural aspect to it. In cultures where sensitivity is mocked, these negative messages can make HSPs have low self-esteem and made to feel like there is something wrong with them.

A highly sensitive person is someone who has an increased or deeper central system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli. Being highly sensitive is not a disorder or a diagnosis. It is a personality trait and an innate temperament of a person like being an extrovert. The term highly sensitive person was first coined by Elaine and Arthur Aron in the mid 1990’s.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE AN HSP?

This trait can look different in everyone but if you have these common characteristics, you could be an HSP:

• You avoid violent movies or TV shows because you feel them to be too intense and they leave you feeling unsettled

• You are deeply moved by beauty, be it classical music, art, nature or even a kind action

• You are easily overwhelmed by sensory stimuli like loud noises, bright lights, strong scents, or even uncomfortable clothing

• You often have a need for downtime after hectic or overstimulated busy days

• You feel an abundance of joy and excitement but can also be overcome by extreme sadness or disappointment

• You are attuned to the atmosphere in the room and are quick to notice minute changes in the mood of your family, friends, and coworkers.

• You feel anxiety and stress deeply

• You tend to beat yourself up when you fall short of self-imposed expectations.

WHAT CAUSES HIGH SENSITIVITY

Evolution has shown that this trait has its purpose in the survival of the human species. Having people in a group or community who are sensitive and observant to subtle changes whether it be weather related or in the moods of the people around them can help resolve problems early on. Having an HSP in a business or an organization can be incredibly beneficial for the same reasons because they are on the lookout for potential risks or threats.

High sensitivity is also hereditary. Research suggests that a high presence of a certain kind of dopamine receptors (involved in arousal and anxiety modulation) affects personality, making those individuals more prone to high sensitivity.

Additionally, a person’s genes may evolve in response to negative childhood experiences like neglect and trauma making them more susceptible to becoming an HSP.

HSPs CAN BE MISTAKEN FOR

Highly sensitive people can be confused for other personality traits and mental conditions, of which the most common include:

• Introvertism - HSPs and introverts are easily overwhelmed by social stimuli, but HSPs are also affected by other sensory factors like lights and sounds

• ADHD – though HSPs and people with ADHD have an over responsiveness to stimuli, HSPs do not show any cognitive impairment such as trouble focusing

• Autism – because of their response to sensory information, HSPs can be mistaken for people with autism. A key difference between the two is that individuals with autism can be hyposensitive or hypersensitive.

THE SUPERPOWERS A HSP POSSESS And ADVANTAGES OF BEING AN HSP

The characteristics of HSPs can create feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious about the world but they can also add a lot of richness and complexity to their inner lives too. HSPs have a greater ability to listen and affirm, a greater empathy and intuitiveness, and a better understanding of wants and needs of others. Being an HSP can offer strengths in relationships and in-depth processing of information.

HOW CAN THERAPY HELP

If you are tired of being overwhelmed and frustrated with yourself because of these characteristics, therapy can help greatly. For many highly sensitive people emotional immunity and sensory immunity strategies to calm and alleviate overstimulation can be key. Another key superpower of being an HSP is they are better able to benefit from psychological interventions, such as counseling. They are better attuned to their feelings. So, therapy can support you in understanding who you are with compassion and caring and also challenge you to explore your inner strengths. You can add tools to your back pocket that can help you such as:

• Help you set up a soothing and calm space

• Help you find work-life balance

• Believe in yourself and your trait

• Reframe your childhood

• Heal from past and present experiences

• Enjoy life more

• Be more relaxed

• Help you focus on your goals

• Add focused positivity to your life

• Help you have better relationships

• Develop boundaries so you can avoid stressors 

Consider Counseling for Highly Sensitive People in CHICAGO, IL

Self-care and mental health are connected: being a highly sensitive person may become too overwhelming that it may be hard to overcome on your own. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the Aparna Bhaskaran and our other online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your mindfulness and stress busting strategies in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3. Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

Playful Tips From An Online Therapist Suggesting Recess for Adults

“A laughing body is an inhospitable host to negativity and stress” (Beilock, 2017).

 Take a moment to think about the last time you went outside for a scheduled recess in school. The excitement of getting out of the fluorescent lighting and into the outdoors for unstructured play until the ring of the bell or the call of a teacher summoned you back inside. It's hard for me to remember myself. However, my 7th and 8th-grade middle school no longer had a playground, so I think that the scheduled play time started to ween off around that time.

The “Guilty Pleasure” That is Play For Adults

As adults, we rarely get time out of our schedules specifically for play as adults. Instead, it's something we must seek out. Play is often seen as childish, unproductive, and petty and often is vailed with terms such as guilty pleasure. Why must childishness be viewed as a negative? Tamis-LeMonda suggests that children have the right idea when it comes to playing. She states,

 “They live in the moment. There doesn't have to be a final goal, and they play for the sake of play. The truth is, play is being joyfully immersed in the moment, and as adults, we rarely do that."

 

Can Play Benefit My Life?

This is true! Being fully immersed in the moment has excellent mental health benefits, as does play. Here are just some of the benefits of incorporating more play into your life:

• Releases endorphins -happy chemicals- that make you feel good and elevate your mood

• Decreases stress levels

• Improves brain function

• Improves your relationships

• Stimulates your mind

• Boosts activity

• Increases Energy

What is Play?

Play is often challenging for people to pin down because it is not something that is precisely defined. Play is a mindset and a process rather than one form of activity. Play is voluntary and pleasurable. This is key to understanding why play looks different from person to person. For example, art is a form of play for many individuals; however, if one is commissioned to make a specific art piece for their occupation, this may move the activity outside of the realm of play for the professional artist. Another example is a soccer player playing for the game's challenge, enjoyment, and community versus a soccer player whose sole goal is to win.

Play is the mental approach to activities. The mindset of play often includes wanting to have fun and connecting to joy; the activity will look different from person to person.

A Very Short List of the Endless World of Play

Still, feeling stumped? Here are some ideas for play:

• Play games

  • Board Games

  • Sports

  • Try creating games with those around you

    • A race to the end of the block

    • A game with a ball

    • Have a dance battle

• Carve time out for a hobby

  • Crafts

  • Music

  • Photography

  • Collecting

• Schedule time in a park

• Joke with strangers

  • At the bus stop

  • In the checkout line

• Play with a pet

• Try a new recipe

• Solve puzzles

• Play with young people

  • Since we are borrowing a mindset from children, sometimes it helps to play with them to remember what it’s like

• Be present

• Do something fun with others

I can go on and on; think about what play looks like or can look like for you in your life.

The Benefits of Play; The Three C’s

Yolanda Tyler describes the benefits of play using three C’s:

Community

Play can strengthen our relationships, aid in developing the community, and strengthen our social wellbeing. Play in a community can take many forms, such as a game night with friends, a sports league, arts and crafts, and so much more. Early on, play is one of the first ways we connect with others; when we were younger, we would ask if we could "go play" with our friends. However, over time that language changes, thus removing the emphasis on play. Play reminds us of cooperation with others. There are rules that the community agrees upon to create the spaces in which the play can exist. Play and laughter are essential in building strong and healthy relationships.

Creativity

Play fosters an environment for one to be creative and problem-solve. Through play, our brain can explore new pathways that can lead us to different solutions, ways of thinking, and empathy that would not otherwise be possible without it. Play allows for a safe space to explore and think differently; this is essential to working and daily life. Seems counterintuitive, right? Sometimes to move forward when I'm stuck at work, I need to take a break to play. You might think you do not deserve it; however, setting up time in your day to think differently outside of the work context may just be your way forward.

Cognitive Development

 As previously mentioned, play has been proven to improve brain function, stimulate your mind, and decrease stress levels. Through play, we can strengthen our thinking skills, as well as how to put various skills into practice. Empathy is another skill that is often practiced through play. Through play, one can experience a wide range of emotions in a protected environment, and those emotional regulation skills can translate into one's daily life.

Have I Convinced You To Play Yet?

Long story short, there are so many different reasons that one may benefit from play. While the amount of play each day may vary, a good goal is to incorporate a playful mindset in your day-to-day. Incorporating play into your daily life is an investment in your overall mental and physical well-being. Play is for everyone and most certainly is not a waste of time. So, the question is: What will your “recess” look like?

CONSIDER PARENT THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL

Self-care and mental health are connected; sometimes, parental stress or burnout may become big enough that it may be hard to overcome on your own. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why Bailey Seymour, Ilyssa Lasky, and the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your confidence and helping you learn to play again in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1.     Fill out a consult form here.

2.     Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3.     Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

5 Self-Care Tips For Parents To Ease Stress & Burnout From A Parent Counselor

Transitioning into the role of parent can be exciting and overwhelming; young people require a great deal of care and attention. Suddenly, your main job is to take care of your kids. This leads parents to restructure their priorities, often moving self-care to the bottom of the list. On social media, self-care is often portrayed as self-indulgence and spoiling oneself. To a parent, this view of self-care may feel frivolous and selfish.

However, I’d like for us to take a moment to reframe self-care from a luxury to a necessity. It is not something that is added to your day as a reward but is woven into each day.

‘True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake; it is making a choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from' – Brianna Wiest

Adults need to be cared for just as much as their children. The only difference is that adults can make choices throughout their day to check in with and take care of themselves. If you ask a parent to go a day without taking care of their child, they will look at you shocked and rightfully so.

However, many parents go daily without tending to their needs physically, psychologically, emotionally, socially, professionally, and spiritually. These are necessities for feeling your best. I know that list may sound as if they are more things to add to that never-ending to-do list. However, in the long run, taking care of oneself prevents burnout, makes you feel like your best self and strengthens your relationship with your children.

Why is Self-Care Important for Parents from a parent counselor?

Self-care is connected to mental health; self-care can help to prevent burnout. Growing up, we are taught that we just must do some things: we have to brush our teeth each day, sleep, eat, and see the doctor. However, we often are not told to check in with how we feel or to have compassion for ourselves. By prioritizing self-care just as much as the other necessities, we can feel like our best selves, which will help us be the best parents we can be.

What is Caregiver Burnout?

Burnout, or caregiver burnout, is described as an occupational phenomenon, and if you’re reading this you know being a parent is a full-time job. Parents experiencing burnout may feel:

• Exhaustion or energy depletion that won’t go away

• Increased feelings of negativism, cynicism, or mental distance

• Reduced efficacy

• Increased procrastination and avoidance

• Jealousy of others, i.e., the myth of the "supermom."

• Sense of helplessness

As a parent, this may also look like a change in sleeping or eating habits. Feeling physically unwell with dizziness, an upset stomach, or headaches. Feeling anxious, guilty, unhappy, or lonely. And feeling irritated, withdrawn, sad, or angry for extended periods. Burnout is different than stress. Stress is short-term, and when we experience stress, we can identify an end to the situation and feeling. Burnout is a long-term process and is built up over time. Stress often springs individuals into action and anxiety response, while burnout often results from extended periods of prolonged stress leading to disengagement and blunted or distant emotions.

Teaching your Children Self-Care

The best way to teach your children about self-care is to model it yourself. Through watching you prioritize self-care, your children will also give those habits and behaviors value as they grow. For example, some of your self-care routines can parallel those that you set with your children. This may look like having a family dance party, making a healthy meal together, or taking a family nap after school. Working self-care into your children's lives and your own will make self-care a habit rather than something you can do "if time allows."

Build Your Toolbox: Find Self Care Strategies that Work For you

We've established that self-care does not always need to mean treating yourself, but what else can it be? Below, I've broken self-care down into some categories. For example, starting a habit of self-care may look as simple as choosing one thing from each category to implement daily. Each category includes a few examples of how one may implement that category of self-care. Your self-care will be unique to you, so allow yourself to implement self-care in ways that feel right.

Connect

• Call a loved one you haven’t seen in a while

• Set up a date night with your partner

• Talk to a neighbor

• See a friend

• Join a team, class, volunteer group, etc.

• Connect with coworkers

Move

• Take a walk

• Dance around your kitchen

• Go for a bike ride

• Play the music for a line dance like the YMCA or Macarena (a great one to do with your family)

• Yoga

• Exercise

Recharge

• Try and get enough sleep when possible

• Take breaks to ground yourself

  • Check into your breath

  • What can I see, feel, smell, hear, taste?

  • What does my body feel like?

  • Take a moment to breathe

• Take a break from screens

• Meditate

Maintain

• Set up your doctor’s appointments

• Brush your teeth

• If applicable: take your daily medications

• If applicable: do your physical therapy exercises

• Seek counseling

Play

• Play with your kid’s toys after they go up to bed

• Watch or play a sport

• Play a card or board game with a friend or partner

• Video game time

• Make art

CONSIDER PARENT THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL

Self-care and mental health are connected; sometimes, parental stress or burnout may become big enough that it may be hard to overcome on your own. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your confidence and helping you make friends in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1.     Fill out a consult form here.

2.     Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3.     Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

Empathy and Compassion: Aren’t They The Same & How To Practice Them When Uncertain

Empathy and compassion are often confused for each other. Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the same feelings with another person. Compassion is thought of to be the emotional response to another person’s pain which then creates a desire to help. There is lots of overlap between the two but what is it that sets them apart?

3 Types of Empathy

The first main difference between compassion and empathy is that there are three kinds of empathy. Psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman have identified these three kinds of empathy as cognitive, Emotional, and compassionate. Compassionate empathy is what we typically think of when we think about compassion.

Cognitive Empathy

Cognitive empathy consists of knowing how another person feels and being able to identify what they may be thinking. For example, if a friend has recently lost a family pet, cognitive empathy enables you to know they may be feeling sad or hurt. Cognitive empathy is often referred to as “perspective taking” since it allows you to put yourself in another person’s shoes.

Emotional Empathy

Emotional empathy differs from cognitive empathy because you physically feel the emotions another person may be experiencing. This is the type of empathy that makes us jump when you see your favorite sports player fall and injure themselves during a game. You may have experienced the physical pain or sensation of injuring yourself in a similar way which is why you may grimace when you see them fall. You do not need to have experienced the same exact injury or way you were injured, but everyone has experienced physical pain before, and emotional empathy allows us to identify similarities between situations to understand how the other person is feeling. Emotional empathy does not only apply to physical situations though. Many emotions are so strong that one can also feel them physically. Emotional empathy also applies to when you can feel and experience these emotions as well.

Cognitive and emotional empathy are able to come together to form compassionate empathy.

Compassionate Empathy

Compassionate empathy is what we typically think of when we hear the word “empathy”. It is also what is typically confused for simply compassion. While the names may be similar, there is a difference. Compassionate empathy is when you combine the qualities of cognitive and emotional empathy and then act towards trying to help. So, you have put yourself in the other persons shoes and have identified their pain, physically feeling, or experiencing their emotions, and now you are ready to reach out and offer help. This is where compassion plays a role in empathy. The act of reaching out or simply having the desire to help someone experiencing pain is compassion.  Empathy is good on its own, but to really help and make a difference to others compassion needs to come in and play a role.

How To Practice Compassionate Empathy

Practicing compassionate empathy is easy. Let’s say that your neighbor recently lost a loved one. You may have also been in a similar situation in the past, so you understand the grief and emotional distress it causes. Think about what could have helped you during this time. Maybe cook a meal and drop it off or offer to walk their dog so it is one less thing on their to do list.

Examples of practicing empathy and compassion in daily life

Practicing compassion today can seem like a daunting task. Differing political affiliations or general values can cause us to stay away or only socialize with people with similar views as us. Right now, our world feels like it is in a constant state of chaos and uncertainty. No matter whether you agree with someone’s values or not, everyone deserves kindness and compassion. Instead of isolating ourselves, reach out and check in with your neighbors. Keeping in touch with people and letting them know you care can make a significant impact. You never know what someone else is going through, but everyone can benefit from some compassion.

1. Reach out to a friend or family member you haven’t talked to in a while.

Ask them how they are doing or what is new in their life. Invite them to get a coffee or go on a walk. It may lead to a fun conversation where you both can catch up. With the amount of uncertainty in the world today, most people just want to talk and be heard. You can be the one to provide them with a space to do that.

2. Perform random acts of kindness

These can be done anywhere like the grocery store or gas station. If you see someone struggling with something, physically or emotionally, perform a random act of kindness to brighten their day. This could be as small as offering to carry their groceries or paying for their gas. You could also leave a note with a nice message in a random person’s mailbox. You may not see the effects it has on the person, but it could make a big difference to their day.

3. Help the environment

Humans aren’t the only ones who benefit from some compassion. Show the environment some love too. Pick up litter that may be outside or remember to recycle your water bottles. Cleaning up the environment not only helps the earth, but it makes the area nicer for people after you and you might feel a little better too.

4. And The Most Important One…Be kind to yourself!

Start your compassion journey with yourself. Treat yourself to a nice dinner or relax in the bath after a long day. Take note of when you are feeling stressed and maybe practice some breathing exercises or meditate for a moment. You can only be compassionate of others when you are compassionate to yourself first. In a world that is constantly moving, it is okay to slow down and take a breath.

Why Does This Matter?

Compassionate empathy is a key element we have as humans to connect with one another. It is particularly important and can be used as a way to unify us during times of uncertainty.

 Counseling Services in Chicago, IL

Time of uncertainty can cause anxiety, burnout and sadness. These things can have a huge impact on a person’s mental health and you may need more support in the form of a professional counselor or therapist. If you are feeling overwhelmed or need help working through some of life's challenges, please reach out for counseling services. If you live in the state of Illinois, our Winnetka & Chicago based therapists would love to help. Our therapists believe in providing evidence based therapy with compassionate empathy and a nonjudgemental approach to sessions.

If you are ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started:

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3. Begin working toward better mental health!

Other Mental Health Services in Illinois

Our therapists offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family focusing on providing evidence based care including incorporating mindfulness as well as other effective therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and EMDR. addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, teen counseling, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more. Because we offer online therapy, we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.

So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for. 

Mindful Walks and Places in Chicago You Can Take Them

Summertime is almost here, which means warmer weather, new flower blooms, and a few more daylight hours than in the wintertime. Starting in the springtime, our neighborhoods offer many opportunities for self-care and fresh air. Whether you are new to the Chicagoland area or have lived here your whole life, you may like to explore areas in your neighborhood from the lens of self-care. Below I will discuss mindful walks and some local places in the northern Chicagoland area where you can practice this technique.

Mindful Outdoor Walks

Mindful walks are an excellent way to connect to the present moment, break from anxious thoughts, move your body, and get some fresh air.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a state of awareness. When we are mindful, we nonjudgmentally notice what is happening in the present moment. Contrary to popular belief, the goal of mindfulness is not to have a blank mind but instead is noticing thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations as they happen. So, for example, if you are feeling angry, you state to yourself, "I am feeling angry." The goal is not to judge or change the feelings but instead to notice.

Some benefits of mindfulness

• Reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety

• Improved memory and focus

• Reduced Stress

• Improved ability to regulate emotions

• Improved satisfaction in relationships

• Increased mind-body connection

• Reduced rumination (which is when we get stuck on a thought or problem and play it repeatedly in our mind)

How do I go on a mindful outdoor walk?

1)    Go outside; this can be anywhere you choose, where you live, near where you work, or any place you would like to explore for today’s walk. (If the weather does not permit, you can practice this skill indoors as well).

2)    Start by noticing how your body feels with each step. Notice your breath. Think about each foot touching the ground (right, left, right, left) and the rhythm of the breath (in, out, in, out).

3)    Tune into your five senses: What do I see? What do I smell? What do I hear? What does the air taste like? What do I feel?

4)    Tune in to the rhythm of your walk, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot; the rhythm of your walk can be an anchor of awareness to return to throughout the walk.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to practice mindful walking; use these steps as a guide to finding what feels suitable for you. The goal is to connect with the present moment.

If you’re feeling creative

Think of some other activities where you can similarly practice mindfulness. Here are some examples that I have thought of:

• Biking

• Kayaking

• Rollerblading

• Swinging on a swing set

• Drawing or painting

• Yoga

• Dancing

• Gardening

• Even doing the dishes! (I know that is an inside task but why not?)

 Please remember to use proper safety precautions when engaging in any above activities. 

Places to Practice Mindfulness in the Chicago Area

No matter where you are in the Chicagoland area, you can find beautiful places to practice mindfulness. As mostly Winnetka-based therapists, we love to visit the beaches along Lake Michigan, the downtown Winnetka bistros, shopping districts, and summer music festivals. Teens, young adults, and parents can get a break from the pressures of school with trails and parks, many near New Trier High School. But honestly, there are amazing places to mindfully walk & find inner peace throughout the Chicago area. So, here are some of our therapists’ other favorite places to practice mindfulness in the Chicago, IL area:

Forest Preserves of Cook County

• Feature over 350 miles of paved and unpaved trails and 70,000 acres of wild and preserved land.

• Walk along the trail, and tune into your senses. What does it sound like, are there any birds nearby, what does it smell like, do you see any flowers, what do your feet feel like on the trail?

• These locations also include trails for walking and biking

• The lagoons are lovely to look at and great for kayaking, fishing, and canoeing (rentals available)

• Some of these trails are dog-friendly trails to bring your four-legged friend along

• Picnic tables are available for an outdoor meal

• Birds, deer, and other wildlife nearby- maybe try your hand at some photography.

Lake Michigan

• Walk alongside the lake, and notice the temperature change, the breeze, and the sand. What does it smell like, and what do the waves sound like?

• Kayaks and paddleboards available for rental

• Some local beaches may offer yoga or various forms of exercise on the beach; check-in in with your town to see what it has to offer.

• Mindfully play in the sand, notice the texture, how the sand changes when mixed with water, and watch the hand fall between your fingers.

The Chicago Botanic Garden

• Walk around and explore the many different gardens of the Chicago Botanic Garden. This year the Chicago Botanic Garden is celebrating 50 years and is featuring a variety of garden exhibits for individuals to explore.

• 28 gardens and four natural areas on 385 acres, consisting of nine different islands.

• Take classes, stroll the property, or sit on a bench and take in these gardens' sights, smells, sounds, and even tastes. 

Counseling Services in Northbrook, IL

Mindfulness can have a huge impact on a person’s mental health. Still, you may sometimes need more support in the form of a professional counselor or therapist. If you are feeling overwhelmed or need help working through some of life's challenges, please reach out for counseling services. If you live in the state of Illinois, our Winnetka & Chicago based therapists would love to help. Our teen therapists believe in providing evidence based therapy and often incorporate mindfulness into counseling sessions, particularly if you share that you are making efforts to practice mindfulness on your own.

If you are ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started:

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Begin working toward better mental health!

Other Mental Health Services in Illinois

Our therapists offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family focusing on providing evidence based care including incorporating mindfulness as well as other effective therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and EMDR. addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, teen counseling, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more. Because we offer online therapy and in person therapy in Northbrook, IL we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois and the Northshore of Chicago. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.

So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for.

Executive Dysfunction and Why It Shows Up Alongside Depression and Anxiety

Staying organized and being focused can be hard work! Have you ever noticed that during times of high stress your ability to stay organized can feel like rolling a boulder up a hill? Or maybe it’s more like, “I know I had that boulder somewhere, where- in the world- did I put it?” 

During periods of extreme sadness, such as depression, or worry, a.k.a. anxiety, our ability to stay organized and problem solve is significantly impacted. You may struggle to remember to pull the laundry out of the dryer or even to feed yourself. Generally, we think of forgetting to do the laundry as a function of depression or worry, but it can also be something called Executive Dysfunction. 

What is executive functioning anyway? 

Executive functioning is a broad range of skills that affect our everyday lives. More specifically, the cognitive processes that help you organize thoughts, and activities, prioritize tasks, make decisions and manage your time well. For example, remembering to put that laundry away (and actually doing it), paying attention to your boss when they are telling you something important, planning ahead for your next vet visit for your furry friend, etc. When these skills aren’t being performed well, it is called Executive Dysfunction. If you’d like to learn more about executive functioning, you can visit our previous blog about why the easiest tasks are so hard. 

The trouble is depression and anxiety are challenging enough. Depression can lead to fatigue, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, persistent sadness, and pessimism; while anxiety can lead to rapid breathing, feeling nervous, restless or tense, and having a sense of doom. That seems like enough for someone to take on at one time. However, just as your feelings shift when struggling with depression or anxiety your thoughts and cognitive processes change. That’s where executive dysfunction comes in (aka difficulty with any number of the functions listed above). Cue the dramatic music: dun, dun, dun. 

Why is executive dysfunction important for me to understand when I talk about depression or anxiety? 

For one, there are studies out there that suggest executive functioning deficits play a role in the onset, maintenance, or recurrence of depression. Yup, that’s right you read that correctly. Meaning, difficulty with those previously mentioned cognitive processes like:

• working memory (where did I put that boulder again?);

• organize tasks, (do I take the dog for a walk first or start making dinner?);

• critical thinking (did the chicken or the egg come first?);

• problem-solving (how do I help a neighbor that is not well?), etc. can lead to depression! 

Researchers are still a bit at odds as to whether executive functioning officially leads to depression but one thing is for sure; depression and anxiety significantly impact your brain’s functioning. The higher-order skills, like executive functioning, will show more and more deficits as your depression and anxiety increase in severity. The sadder you feel, the less likely you will be able to plan a 6-course meal for your book club. Worry, too can clog up your memory and negatively impact your ability to get things done in a timely manner. 

The “cure” for executive dysfunction and depression

Thankfully, if you are experiencing symptoms of Executive Dysfunction, Depression, and/or Anxiety the first line of defense is to seek out a mental health professional. Therapy is one of the most preferred treatment methods for all of the above. You can talk to your therapist about interventions aiming to improve coping skills and/or executive functions which have been proven to reduce the risk of depression recurrence. 

Ready to Begin Depression Therapy in Chicago, IL?

We know that therapy can run to the bottom of the priority list when other things are affecting your life, especially when you’re experiencing executive dysfunction. However, we want you to know that it doesn’t have to be that way! And you deserve healing. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL offer depression therapy in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Meet with a depression therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3. Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people in addressing anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

What is Self-Care, Really, and What Can it Look Like?

“Self Care” As a Term is Getting Popular

Interest in self-care has been growing of late. According to Google Trends, the number of searches for “self-care” have doubled since 2015. This month the term was at the center of Olympic discourse with Simone Biles withdrawing from her events for her self-care. “Do your self-care” is a mantra in the mental health field. Its meaning is relatively easy to figure out: take care of yourself.

But what does self care really look like?

But what does that mean, really, and what does it look like? The World Health Organization (WHO) defines self-care as “the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.” As you can see, self-care is actually a broad concept that encompasses all aspects of a person’s life including hygiene, nutrition, and even environmental and socioeconomic factors.

In simpler terms, as the medically reviewed everydayhealth.com describes it, self-care is taking care of yourself so you can be healthy, well, do your job, help and care for others, and accomplish the things you want to in a day. As Brighid Courtney of the Wellness Council of America say:

“When self-care is regularly practiced, the benefits are broad and have even been linked to positive health outcomes such as reduced stress, improved immune system, increased productivity, and higher self-esteem.”

Self Care is Not Just “Treating Yourself”

Let’s start by making one thing clear: self-care is not the same as self-indulgence. The rallying cry of social media self-care seems to be “treat yourself!” While treating oneself is certainly an aspect of a solid self-care regime, spa days, booze, and retail therapy are not the end all and be all of self-care. Especially if they are just too expensive for you to do on the regular.

Self-care requires having some understanding of what makes yourself tick. What sorts of things make you feel recharged, replenished, and happy? 

Maybe its cooking. Maybe it’s definitely not cooking. Maybe it’s living it up Friday night and then taking Saturday to yourself. Maybe it’s time with your kids and time without your kids. There are those opposites again. I have yet to meet a parent who does not savor both time with and away from their children.

Types of Self Care

As you may have gathered from the WHO definition above there are different types of self-care. Let’s take a look at a few so we can get closer to that answer of what self-care can look like:

Emotional Self-Care 

This can include positive self-talk, a monthly massage, weekly bubble bath, saying “no” to things that cause unnecessary stress (including work requests!), scheduling a regular lunch date with a friend, or giving yourself permission to take a break.

Physical Self-Care 

Physical self care can mean getting enough sleep on the regular, eating nourishing foods, finding some sort of exercise/physical activity routine that you can actually stick with (make it something you like rather than a chore), and getting your annual physical with your doctor.

Spiritual Self-Care 

Spiritual self-care can be attending religious services but it can also be taking time to meditate or find a “guided imagery” video on YouTube, identifying three good things that happen each day, or keeping a gratitude journal or photo series. This can also include spending time in nature or any place that is peaceful for you.

Temporary Self-Care 

These are acts or activities wherein you will benefit but the act but the benefit does not last for long after you finish. This could be the social connection of time with a friend or the calming effect of listening to a favorite playlist or taking a ten-minute break at work.

Enduring Self-Care 

These acts have longer-term effects. This could mean reducing or quitting cigarettes, regular exercise that maintains muscle tone as you age or strengthens your heart. This could also mean mindfulness practices that over time lead to physical brain changes. Identifying three good things every day is one of my favorite mindfulness practices to teach clients because it is simple to do, takes little time, and has had demonstrable positive effects.

A Quick Aside for Three Good Things

I feel I should explain what this activity is as I have mentioned it twice. “Three good things” is any good thing that happened throughout the day. They do not have to be big like the completion of a project at work. And they are certainly not negatives wrapped in a positive like “My boss didn’t yell at me today.”

They are little things like:

·      The sky is blue today.

·      I saw a dog.

·      I made it through that light before it turned yellow.

·      A song I like played on the radio.

·      A meme made me laugh.

I encourage clients to write these things down at first. Not necessarily to keep but to take note of and make sure they hit three a day. Over time one becomes able to find the three good things automatically, and frequently it becomes far more than just three things. 

Let’s Summarize

At the end of the day, self-care is anything that helps you de-stress, carve out time for yourself, and bring you happiness. Even if it is just stepping outside to take a deep breath – that is quality self-care!

It can also be making daily tasks more enjoyable. You can pick a soap you particularly like the smell of and focus on the physical sensations of showering: the feeling of water hitting your skin, the sound within your shower, the smell of your soap… for even 10 minutes in the shower this is a more mindful and centering way to go about it rather than letting your brain run hog wild over all the stressful things awaiting you today.

Self Care Resources 

If you would like more resources on the various ways you can do self-care here are just a few to get your started on this extensive topic:

Self-Care and Self-Compassion from U. of Toledo

9 Signs You Need Better Self-Care and May Be a Trauma Survivor

Taking Mindfulness Walks in the Chicago, IL area

Why Does Self-Care Sometimes Feel So Hard?

The Self Care Forum

Why Self-Care Can Help You Manage Stress

7 Elements of Self-Care from Silver Hill Hospital

 Here at Obsidian, our therapists love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. If you ever need help or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact us at the following: 

Self-Harm: A Symptom Not A Disorder

Self-harm, also called self-injury, is not an uncommon or new phenomenon. An estimated 2 million Americans engage in some form of self-injury. An analysis across 40 countries identified 17% of all people will self-harm during their lifetimes. The average age of first incident is 13 but individuals as young has 5 have been reported, and although young white women are the typical face of self-injury as many as 35% are men.

It can be very upsetting to learn a friend or family member has engaged in self-harm and difficult to understand. The purpose of this month’s blog post is to educate on what self-harm is and is not, separate the fact from the myths, and to provide some guiding resources on how to help a loved one who is self-harming.

What is Self-Harm?

By definition, self-harm is the deliberate act of harming one’s own body without suicidal intent. That is an important take away from this post: self-harm is not a failed suicide attempt. Self-harm, in many ways, is the anti-suicide. That being said, accidental suicide can happen particularly when an individual is under the influence of a substance. A common cause is cutting deeper than intended.

It is also important to understand that self-injury is not a mental disorder. It is a symptom of deeper distress and is a coping mechanism, which will be elaborated on below.

What are Common Myths about Self Harm?

I am starting off with the myths. I will explain some of these in further detail however, suffice to say, if it is on this list it is not true. For fuller explanations of each of these myths please visit The Recovery Village and this handout from Samaritans.org.

Specific self harm myths – 

1)    Self-harm is rare.

2)    Young people self-harm to fit in.

3)    It’s a way to manipulate others.

4)    Only “emos” self-harm.

5)    It’s just a phase that will soon be grown out of.

6)    It’s just a bid for attention.

7)    People who self-harm want to die.

8)    Self-harm is a failed suicide attempt.

9)    Only those who have been sexually abused self-harm.

10) All people who self-harm have been abused.

11) People who self-harm do not feel pain.

12) Self-harm is not treatable.

 Why Do People Self-Harm?

 In short, a person’s primary reason for self-harm generally fits into two rather broad categories:

1)    Feeling too much emotion

2)   Not feeling enough emotion

How either of these states comes into being requires a rather long answer. The summary is either a person does not know how to self-regulate their emotions (see point 1) and self-harm helps them with this, or, a person feels so numb inside that the pain from self-harm shows them “At least I’m still alive,” (see point 2) as one of my clients described it.

What Exactly is Self-Harm?

The general definition of self harm is any action deliberately harming oneself physically as a way of dealing with difficult or overwhelming emotions.

How do People Self-Harm?

There are a number of ways in which people can self harm. Cutting is the most common. However, other methods include burning, scratching, hair pulling, biting, picking at skin and wounds, and hitting one’s self and/or head.

Self-Harm as a Coping Tool

I tell all my clients the brain’s number one concern is our immediate survival. This is where I marvel at our brains. Our brains work so hard to protect us that they will come up with anything, do anything, as long as it works to protect us right here, right now. Because if we do not survive right now we are not going to be alive later to decide whether or not we regret what we just did.

The mind—which I conceptualize as our logical part with our critical thinking and problem-solving parts—decides whether or not something is a good idea. The problem is, even if the mind knows self-harm is a bad idea, as most who engage in self-harm know this, it needs to come up with a better alternative in order for the brain not to choose self-harm. Simply knowing “This is a bad idea” is not enough.

How many times have we heard dialogue like this in a movie?

“This is crazy!”

“Do you have a better idea?”

A similar conversation goes on between the brain and the mind.

Why is Self-Harm a Coping Tool?

 First, why it works. Harm to the body increases adrenaline and endorphin production. This induces both a greater sense of control and a relaxation effect. These, in turn, help to tolerate one’s emotions and regulate the nervous system.

There are many reasons why a person may not have learned how to regulate their emotions and nervous system: 

·      It can be due to trauma throughout childhood. 

·      It could be due to parents who likewise do not know how to regulate their emotions and thus never modeled it for their child. 

·      It could also be a child getting lost in the shuffle of family life. Think “middle child syndrome.” 

·      It could also be a person who, for one reason or another, finds intense emotion distressing.

For those who feel numb and dead inside severe depression and trauma are frequently the root causes.

How Do I Help Someone Who Self Harms?

There is a lot of information out there on how you can help your loved ones if you suspect they are self-harming. Below is a few suggestions. For more information on each them please visit Banner Health and Mental Health First Aid.org. There are also more resources as the bottom of this post.

1)    Avoid judgement

2)    Reassure and be supportive

3)    Express your concern comes from caring

4)    Provided educational information/resources

5)    Seek understanding

6)    Do not dismiss

7)    Do not ask for promises

8)    Try to be accepting and normalize

9)    Encourage professional help

Counseling & Help For Self Harm in the Chicago Area

As a therapist, I have worked with many, many clients who do or have self-harmed. If you like to speak to me or Ilyssa, or any other therapist on the Obsidian Counseling team, about helping you or a loved one with symptoms like this please do not hesitate to reach out to us.  We offer online therapy to individuals in the Chicago area and throughout Illinois.

Take the steps below to begin therapy:

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Meet with a therapist

3. Start learning new ways to cope

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. We won’t judge you, and we assume there are reasons for all of your actions…even self harm. We’re here to help you find healing and make meaningful change in your life. Our therapists are honored to help guide folks, including teenagers, along their healing process. Specifically, we help people in addressing anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. Additionally, we specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

About the Author/Therapist

Kari Holman is an LCPC in Illinois who believes you are the expert on your own mental health. She is able to help clients with a wide range of mental health concerns and specializes in providing counseling and psychotherapy services to the Latinx and LGBTQIA communities. If you’re interested in working directly with Kari, or have any questions about this blog post, please call (847) 450-0460 or email her at kariholmancounseling@gmail.com.

Other Resources Related to Self Harm

For more resources on how to help someone who self-harms, including what to say or not say, please see the follow:

Self.com – 5 Helpful Things to Say to a Friend Who Self-Harms (and 3 to Avoid)

Mind.org.uk – What Helps

Mind.org.uk – What Doesn’t Help

Au.reachout.com – How to Help a Friend Who Self-Harms

Executive Dysfunction: Why the Easiest Tasks are So Hard

Are you a person who has struggled their whole life with staying organized, focused, or on time?  Are you a person who has lately noticed that you just can’t make yourself do even the most simple of tasks?  Maybe the laundry has been in the dryer for four days and you just haven’t folded it. Or the dishwasher needs to be unloaded, and it will take less than five minutes, but it just doesn’t get done. Or you stand in the middle of the room either wondering what you were about to do or questioning what you should do next.

If you are, you may be experiencing Executive Dysfunction.

Our executive functions are a broad group of mental skills that allow us to complete a wide range of tasks and engage with others. This includes:

·      Focus and concentration

·      Managing time

·      Organization and planning

·      Processing and analyzing information

·      Problem solving

·      Remembering details

These functions are higher order skills and take time to develop which is why children can struggle with organizing their lives, staying focused, etc. but improve as they get older. An impairment in these skills, that is to say executive dysfunction, is not a standalone condition but can be a feature of multiple mental health diagnoses including ADHD, Bipolar disorders, Alzheimer’s, and depression. Brain injuries, particularly to the frontal lode, can also cause problems with executive functioning.

When it is part of a diagnosable disorder like those mentioned above executive dysfunction can be a life-long struggle.  But it can also be a symptom of, hopefully, temporary struggles. Non-disorder causes can included:

·      Exhaustion

·      Severe pain

·      Stress

·      Distracting environments

·      Drug or alcohol use

·      Severe boredom

In these cases, once the cause is eliminated the executive dysfunction dissapte. At the time of this writing, the US is coping with a pandemic and related quarantine measures. The stress thereof, and even the boredom of staying home without one’s regular schedule and activities, can contribute to executive dysfunction.

Individuals with even a mild level of executive dysfunction may recognize in themselves some of the following symptoms:

·      Trouble planning, organizing, starting, or completing tasks

·      Trouble listening or paying attention

·      Short term memory issues

o   such as remembering something that was just said

·      Issues with “multitasking” or balancing tasks

o   such as starting and stopping multiple chores without finishing any of them.

·      Difficulty in learning or processing new information

 Moderate to severe dysfunction, such as seen in some individuals with ADHD, Autism and Alzheimer’s can appear as:

·      Trouble controlling emotions and impulses

·      Socially inappropriate behavior

·      Inability to learn from past consequences

Any of these symptoms of executive dysfunction can lead to poor work or school performance, problems with forming and maintaining relationships, low motivation, loss of interest in activities, avoidance of difficult tasks, and low mood.

So What Can Be Done?

There is no medication to make executive dysfunction go away, although there is evidence that stimulant medications can help with some aspects of executive dysfunction for those with a long-term diagnosis.  In addition to this, and/or if you believe your symptoms are because of a temporary cause, a professional therapist can help you learn how to improve your time management, your work habits, focus, and managing your work and living space.

Some find benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as it can teach a person how to self-monitor thoughts and behaviors as well as social skills training to help one learn culturally appropriate responses in social situations.

 If you would like to speak to any of us here at Obsidian Counseling about helping you with symptoms like this please do not hesitate to reach out to us.  You can contact us at the following:

 Ilyssa Lasky – 

(224) 255-4411 

obsidiancounseling@gmail.com

 Kari Holman – 

(847) 450-0460

kariholmancounseling@gmail.com

Resources:

ADDitude – Children’s Executive Functions

ADDitude – Treatments and Strategies

Headway Brain Injury Association

Medical News Today

National Center for Biotechnical Information

Understood.org

WebMD