5 Tips to Stop the Cycle of Imposter Syndrome
Do you ever say to yourself…
“Success is no big deal. It’s all down to luck.”
“When are they going to find out I’m actually no good at this?”
“I feel like a fake.”
“I’m a fraud.”
“I must not fail.”
If you do you might be experiencing Imposter Syndrome. Also sometimes called “perceived fraudulence," imposter syndrome is a strong feeling of self-doubt and incompetence despite evidence to the contrary. That evidence may include your education, experience, or accomplishments.
Imposter syndrome is often found in high achieving people, women, and underrepresented racial, ethnic, religious, and gender and sexuality minorities. It overrides any feelings of success or external evidence of competence. It is marked by fears that past accomplishments will not be replicated or that others will find out or “unmask” a person as a fraud who does not actually know as much as everyone thought they did.
Anyone can be affected by imposter syndrome. It can be found in BIPOC individuals who work or study in predominately white spaces. It can be found in first-generation college students or white-collar employees. It can also be found in trans and nonbinary individuals who experience a pervasive fear of not being “man/woman enough” and therefore will not be seen by the world.
Does this sound like you?
Imposter syndrome is not uncommon. Some studies show as many as 82% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives. That’s basically everybody.
A Cycle of Anxiety, Depression and Burnout
The problem with imposter syndrome is it becomes a cycle. No matter how hard you work you always wind up in the same spot.
These constant swings of anxiety and depression wreak havoc on your body and your brain’s ability to function and cope. You may notice yourself late to work because you just couldn’t make yourself get out of bed or leave the house on time or get out of the car when you arrive.
That is your brain trying to protect you from what it sees as a highly negative and unpleasant space. Unfortunately, you may also interpret this as further evidence of your fraudulence in addition to repercussions for arriving late to work.
And while a little anxiety can galvanize us, too much wears out the system. Both your body and your mind become exhausted and this can lead to depression. Depression will then echo the feelings of being an imposter because depression is nothing if not a big, fat, negative liar.
Overtime this continuous cycle of anxiety and depression will result in burnout. Burnout can then result in dropped productivity, fewer results, or more sick days. This then becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy of inadequacy that is difficult to recover from without help. Cleveland Clinic has some additional information on burnout.
Why Does Imposter Syndrome Happen?
How imposter syndrome develops in any given person is idiosyncratic, meaning it is unique to the individual. The why of imposter syndrome, however, is fairly straight forward: we are privy to our inner thoughts when nobody else is, and we know how much effort we put in because we were there the whole time.
The kicker, of course, is nobody else knows all of that unless we say something. But part of the fear of imposter syndrome is being found out as, well, an imposter. So, people who struggle with it find themselves incapable of sharing these experiences and doubts with others.
For BIPOC and queer individuals there is the added difficulty of being made to feel like a space was not build with them in mind. This study encourages a reconceptualization of imposter syndrome for these populations that moves away from internal insecurities—as has been the prevailing approach with white populations—towards the environmental factors that elicit these imposter feelings.
As an example, if an African-American interviews for an upper management position but everyone in the office is European-American it is natural to feel this space was not created with him in mind. Or for a Muslim who is subtly told by management she should not walk away from her desk to perform Salah (praying towards Mecca).
Imposter Syndrome Looks Different for Everyone
We can break down imposter syndrome into five basic types: the perfectionist, the expert, the natural genius, the soloist, and the super person.
The Perfectionist:
What it looks like: In this brand of imposter syndrome, you must be absolutely perfect. Otherwise, you could have done better. The perfectionist sets exceptionally high goals. When these goals are not met serious self-doubt sets in.
How to spot one: The perfectionist can…
be accused of micromanaging,
have difficulty in delegating,
and feel their work must be 100% perfect 100% of the time.
The accompanying thought: I’m not as good as others think I am.
The Expert:
What it looks like: Here, imposter syndrome convinces the expert they must know everything that can possibly be known about a certain topic/subject. Otherwise, they have not mastered the subject and will be exposed as unknowledgeable or inexperienced.
How to spot one: The expert might…
shudder when called an expert
shy away from applying for jobs unless they meet every single educational requirement,
constantly seek trainings and/or certifications with the belief they need to improve their skills in order to succeed,
still feel they don’t “know enough” even if they have been in their role for some time
The accompanying thought: If there is still more to learn then I’m not an expert.
The Natural Genius:
What it looks like: With this type, you may feel like a fraud because you don’t believe you are naturally intelligent or competent. This type judges competence by speed and ease rather than effort. If it takes too long to master, they feel shame.
How to spot one: The natural genius…
is used to succeeding without much effort,
was told they were the “smart one” as a child,
feels shame and low confidence when faced with setbacks,
avoids challenges because it is so uncomfortable to try something they aren’t great at,
dislikes the idea of having a mentor because they can “handle things on their own.”
The accompanying thought: I didn’t get it right the first time. It’s taking me longer to master this skill than it should. I’m an imposter.
The Soloist:
What it looks like: The soloist is afraid to ask for help for fear they will be exposed as a phony.
How to spot one: The soloist…
may firmly believe they need to accomplish everything on their own,
frames requests for help in terms of requirements for the project/task at hand rather than their needs as a person,
may rebuff offers to help by saying “I don’t need anyone’s help.”
The accompanying thought: If I couldn’t get here on my own am I really that competent?
The Super-Person:
What it looks like: The super-person struggles with the belief they must be the hardest worker and/or reach the highest levels of achievement possible. They may also be convinced they are a phony hiding amongst others who are “the real deal.”
How to spot one: The super-person may…
stay later at the office than anyone else even after completing the day’s necessary work,
get stressed when not working and find “downtime” to be a complete waste,
let hobbies and passions drop out of their lives in favor of work,
and does not feel like they have truly earned their title/position despite a pile of achievements, and thus feel compelled to work harder and longer to prove their worth.
The accompanying thought: If I’m not the best I’m a fraud.
Can I Stop Feeling Like an Imposter?
Yes! You very much can. It will not be easy, but you absolutely can. Here are some steps to get you started:
Step 1: Focus on the Facts
Imposter syndrome tricks you into thinking you aren’t qualified for what you are doing. These emotions, however, are typically based in fear rather than fact. Separating your feelings from the facts is a great strategy for combating imposter syndrome.
Easier said than done, we know. You can start with some confidence building through your very own SWOT analysis. That’s “strength, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats.” It’s used by businesses but there’s no reason you can’t use it for yourself!
Step 2: Acknowledge, Validate, and Let Go:
The first step said to focus on the facts. However, that does not mean your feelings are not valid. Feelings are always valid. It’s just what we do with them that makes the difference. That means combating imposter syndrome is not about ignoring your feelings. It means acknowledging they are there but knowing they do not necessarily reflect reality.
For example, feeling unqualified does not mean you actually are. It is absolutely okay, and recommended, to say “I am feeling unqualified. That’s okay. Now I’m going to let those feelings go.”
Step 3: Reframe Your Thoughts
Thoughts are powerful. If they were not, we wouldn’t experience things like imposter syndrome. Thoughts shape how we see the world and ourselves, and thus shape our reality. Sometimes this is a positive thing and others it’s negative.
If you reframe your thoughts about yourself and set realistic goals your mind will change overtime and ultimately see yourself as deserving of your position/place/achievements.
For example, if you find yourself thinking “I don’t deserve this position” try “I may feel insecure right now but I would not have been placed in this position if I wasn’t capable.”
Step 4: Share How You Feel
Imposter syndrome can feel very isolating so this is, of course, easier said than done. Challenge yourself to reach out and talk to someone you trust and share your concerns.
This can be a colleague, a teammate, a supervisor, a friend or a partner. Sharing how you feel with another also provides a strange little confidence boost because you had the guts to do so! This is a direct attack on the isolation of imposter syndrome – good job!
Finding a mentor, if possible, can also be a good idea. Someone in your field that you look up to and can have a frank conversation with about how they have improved their skills and what challenges they have had.
We assure you that everyone struggles even if that thing is easy for them now. Yes, even, if they pretend they didn’t. It’s a fair bet that’s their own imposter syndrome talking.
Step 5: Learn from Your Peers
It’s hard not to compare ourselves to our peers. We often wind up thinking we’re the worst one by comparison. The truth is no one is a master at everything. But! Everyone is a master of something. You might be the office Excel guru or the one person on your team that can explain how to execute this play.
When working or engaging with your peers you can exchange your knowledge for learning new skills. Try to avoid the habit of comparing yourself to others. Acknowledge the value you add to the group while learning new things from your peers.
Step 6: Congratulate Yourself Once in a While
Combat your imposter syndrome head on – celebrate your accomplishments! The next time you feel good about something you’ve done share it with your colleagues or someone outside of that setting that you trust. Maybe treat yourself to a pizza!
If you believe your life is shaped by your actions, your choices, and your decisions you can then take responsibility for your achievements, as well. Take credit for the expertise and skill that helped you reach your goal or complete that project.
Another good idea is to keep a record of positive feedback and praise, even if it’s a brief “Good job!” text message. Then, the next time you hear that negative voice inside you can review those positive messages.
Can Obsidian Help Me Recover from Imposter Syndrome?
All challenges are easier to overcome when you have a trusted partner at your back. Obsidian’s team of therapists are skilled and experienced with imposter syndrome. Professional, we mean, though maybe personally, too!
CONSIDER Imposter Symdrome THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL
Feeling like you are aren’t good enough can significantly impact your mental health. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing self-confidence and decreasing those negative thoughts feeding the imposter syndrome in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.
1. Fill out a consult form here.
2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
3. Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!
OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.