Tackling the Sunday Scaries: Helping Parents and Kids Beat the Back-to-School Blues

Ah, the Sunday Scaries—the dreaded feeling that creeps up as the weekend winds down and the reality of Monday morning sets in. If you're a parent, you know this anxiety isn’t just yours; your kids might be feeling it too, especially with school in full swing. My little one has been struggling with the Sunday Scaries since preschool.

You know the feeling: your anxiety kicks in, making your stomach do flip-flops, your hands sweat, or worse, the endless thoughts about how bad the next day will be.

What Are the Sunday Scaries?

The 'Sunday Scaries' refer to intense feelings of anxiety and dread that typically arise every Sunday. They often start in the late afternoon and last into the evening, though for some, depending on their anxiety levels, these feelings can begin as soon as they wake up.

Physical sensations can include:

• Racing heart

• Stomach upset

• Trouble sleeping

• Sweating

• Difficulty breathing

• Headache

For adults, tackling these feelings can feel overwhelming. You might even think, "Maybe I should take a day—or a week—off work just to avoid this."

Similarly, for kids, this anxiety can lead to something called school refusal, where the thought of going to school becomes so overwhelming they just can’t face it. But don’t worry—there are ways to tackle the Sunday Scaries together and help everyone look forward to the week ahead.

What Is School Refusal?

School refusal isn’t just about not wanting to go to school. For some kids, anxiety about school becomes so intense that they refuse to go altogether. This can lead to missed days, falling behind in class, and even more anxiety. It’s crucial to address these feelings early to prevent bigger issues down the road.

3 Ways to Beat the Sunday Scaries for Parents and Kids

So, how can you help both yourself and your kids calm those Sunday jitters and maybe even start looking forward to the week? Here are three simple strategies:

1. Create a Sunday Evening Routine

   
   Wind Down Together: Establish a relaxing Sunday routine to ease into the week. Watch a family movie, play a board game, or read together. Shared time shifts the focus away from Monday’s worries. If the Sunday Scaries start earlier, plan a peaceful, predictable day. Make breakfast together, go for a walk, or enjoy nature.

2. Prepare for the Week Ahead

   
   Involve the Kids: Help reduce school anxiety by preparing for the week on Sunday evening. Organize backpacks, pick outfits, and review the schedule. Knowing what to expect eases fear, and it helps you feel more organized too! Try adding a fun touch, like sending transitional notes with them.

3. Leave Space for Feelings

   
   Highlight the Good & Acknowledge the Scary: Spend a few minutes discussing how your kids feel about the week ahead. Talking about something they’re looking forward to, like seeing friends or a favorite teacher, can help shift their mindset. Start a “What I’m Excited About” list. Also, give them room to share their fears. Sometimes, they just need to talk—without expecting a solution.

Helping You & Your Child with the Sunday Scaries

If you or your child are struggling with the Sunday Scaries, approach it with patience and understanding. Start by openly discussing what’s really bothering you. Share your thoughts with a partner or friend, and encourage your child to do the same. If needed, reach out to their teacher, school counselor, or a private counselor for extra support. Obsidian Counseling & Wellness is here to help you or your child manage the Sunday Scaries. Contact us today to start your counseling support.

Remember, the Sunday Scaries are common for both parents and kids, but they don’t have to ruin your weekend. By creating calming routines, preparing for the week ahead, and allowing space for feelings, you can ease the anxiety and maybe even start looking forward to what’s coming next. Here’s to making Mondays a little brighter!

Calm the Storm: How EMDR Can Help You Heal and Thrive

Healing from trauma or emotional pain can feel like an uphill battle, but it doesn’t have to be. Whether it’s a difficult experience, a recent trauma, or the stress of everyday life, finding a path to healing isn’t always easy. That is where EMDR comes in. Have you heard about it? Since I’m in the field, I’ve heard of it (and did EMDR!) myself, but I’ve noticed it started gaining more recognition with Prince Harry’s 2020 interview. Many celebrities have come out sharing their positive experiences with EMDR such as Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato, and Sandra Bullock. Its increased popularity in recent years is no surprise given its effectiveness for healing trauma, anxiety, and other aspects of mental health.

 All right, so what exactly is EMDR?

EMDR is a specialized therapy that helps people process and heal from trauma and other distressing life experiences. I used EMDR for quite the range of things from childhood trauma (I still struggle to remember my times tables, does anyone remember learning those?) all the way to I am totally stressed out trying to balance my kids, work, and having a life.

The beauty of EMDR which is different from traditional talk therapy, EMDR uses guided eye movements to help you process those difficult memories and reduce the emotional intensity associated with them.

Just so you know during an EMDR session, your therapist will guide your eye movements back and forth while you focus on a particular memory or thought. This process helps your brain reprocess the memory in a way that makes it less emotionally charged. Over time, what once felt overwhelming can become much more manageable, allowing you to move forward with a sense of peace and resolution.

What Do Those Letters Stand For?

E and M – Eye Movement. Your EMDR-trained therapist will use gentle physical or auditory stimulation to get your eyes to move back and forth (called bilateral stimulation or BLS). Yes, this can sound like hypnotism but please bear with us. This movement activates both sides of your brain and primes it for the next phase…

D – Desensitization. This phase is dealing with “all of the person's responses (including other memories, insights and associations that may arise) as the targeted event changes and its disturbing elements are resolved.” Kari, our EMDR therapist, describes this phase as mentally picking up all of the papers that have been dropped on the floor.

R – Reprocessing. This is where the eye movement gets really important. This is where the client briefly focuses on the trauma or disturbing memory while simultaneously engaging in BLS. This is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotional intensity associated with the disturbance being addressed. Kari explains this as putting the papers in order, placing them in the correct filing cabinets, and then closing the drawers.

EMDR does not remove the memory but it takes the heat and the intensity out of it and moves it from a near re-lived experience to its appropriate place in the brain as a memory.

What Makes EMDR Unique?

What sets EMDR apart is its ability to work quickly and deeply. Many people find that they experience significant relief in a relatively short amount of time. It’s also a great option if you’re someone who struggles to talk about your feelings or past experiences. Because EMDR doesn’t rely solely on verbal expression, it can be a less daunting approach to therapy.

Real-Life Results

Let’s talk about what you can expect. Imagine feeling lighter, more in control, and less triggered by the things that used to weigh you down. EMDR can help you achieve that by rewiring the way your brain processes those difficult memories. It’s about more than just “getting over” something—it’s about truly healing from it.

The effects of an EMDR processing session can sit in the back of a person’s mind for multiple days. Clients report flashes of new insight up to several days after an EMDR session and sometimes even relevant dreams.

What Is EMDR Good For?

Originally designed as a trauma-processing technique, EMDR has also been found to be effective for

·      Anxiety

·      Panic attacks

·      Stress

·      Phobias

·      Complicated grief

·      Self-esteem and performance anxiety

Is it safe?

You bet it is! It is a carefully structured and researched-supported therapy. It is non-invasive meaning no medications or physical interventions. EMDR relies on the natural healing process of the brain, which are activated through specific techniques, such as guided eye movements.

Another beautiful aspect of EMDR is that the client is in control. The client is allowed and welcome to stop a processing session at any time. A good EMDR therapist will then check in with the client and help them regain enough stability to continue with the rest of their day.

Ready to Explore EMDR?

If you’re curious about how EMDR could work for you, consider reaching out to us. Click here to start your EMDR journey today!

Taking care of your mental health is one of the best investments you can make in yourself. Whether you're new to therapy or looking for a fresh approach, EMDR could be exactly what you've been searching for.

Parenting When You're Feeling Anxious: 4 Tips for Success

Parenting When You’re Feeling Anxious

Effective Parenting Strategies while Experiencing Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety and depression are common mental health disorders that can have a major impact on your life. If you are a parent who is struggling with anxiety or depression, you may feel like you are not able to properly care for your children. You may be worried about what will happen to your children if you are not able to cope with your mental health disorder. It is important, however, to remember that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help you cope with your anxiety or depression and to be the best parent you can be. We have developed 4 important and effective tips to help guide you during challenging times. 

 Here are 4 parenting tips for when you are feeling anxious or depressed

1. Practice Self Care 

Parents oftentimes forget to do simple things to take care of their bodies and mind. As a parent struggling with your own mental health challenges, it is even more crucial to do things that help you feel good. This includes eating healthy, exercising, and getting the right amount of sleep. Additionally, try things like meditation, yoga, and practicing gratitude. Although none of these are a cure, they do have a powerful impact on how you feel. 

2. Be Mindful of Your Words  

It is important to be mindful of the words you use when talking to yourself and when parenting your child. As a depressed or anxious parent, you may find yourself engaging in negative self-talk. This type of language can worsen anxiety and depression. Try to replace negative inner dialog with positive affirmations and self-care. This can help manage thoughts and feelings of hopelessness, guilt, and worthlessness that can come with parenting when you are feeling out of sorts. Similarly, using language that is too critical or harsh can lead to your child feeling judged or scared. Instead, practice using positive and encouraging language that helps your child focus on their strengths and abilities. Words such as “I can see how hard you're trying” and “I am proud of you for not giving up” can help kids with anxious parents feel supported, loved, and encouraged.   

3. Find a Support System  

A good support system is crucial for navigating parenting when you are feeling anxious or depressed. Reach out to trusted family members, close friends, or healthcare professionals who can provide a listening ear and comfort when needed. Creating a support system can help you take back some of the control you might be feeling about your mental health disorder. Finding support will also provide you with people you can turn to during tough times. You may also find that talking to others is a wonderful way to gain insight into how to better handle your anxious or depressed thoughts and emotions. If you have a partner it is important to remember that a supportive partner can be a major source of comfort as well. Lean on your partner and other members of your support system during challenging times. Talking it out and knowing that you are not alone can make all the difference.  

4. Seek Professional Help if Necessary 

 Your doctor or mental health professional can help you create a plan of action if you feel like your anxiety is becoming unmanageable. Having professional guidance can help you learn effective coping mechanisms for your anxiety and teach you how to manage your mental health disorder in a healthy way. In addition to private therapy, there are many other professional resources available to help parents with anxiety. Some include group therapy sessions and support groups, where you can connect with other parents who are dealing with similar issues. Having access to resources like these can be an invaluable source of support, comfort, and advice. It is important to remember that there are many options available for dealing with anxiety and depression, and seeking professional help, if necessary, can be a great first step in managing your mental health disorder and being the best parent, you can be. 

Receiving the best mental health services from Obsidian Counseling & Wellness

Anxiety and depression can be difficult emotions to deal with, but it is possible to effectively parent despite feeling this way. However, it can be difficult to do so. If you are feeling like your depression and anxiety are getting in the way of parenting or have reached a level that you cannot manage on your own, please contact Obsidian Counseling & Wellness. Our team will help you develop a plan to manage your mental health issues and give you the tools you need to be the best parent you can be. 

5 Hints to Managing the Mental Load of the Holidays

The holiday season is here. For many people, the decorations, holiday music, and shopping bring warm feelings of joy and nostalgia. Moms/ the primary caregiver everywhere works tirelessly to give their families a memorable and joyful experience. This planning and extra running around coupled with the normal routine of everyday life can amount to a stressful mental load. To stay healthy & happy, moms must find ways to cope and keep this load manageable.  

Although in heterosexual couples' dads participate in the holidays, most families agree that moms still carry the brunt of the responsibility. The extra stress associated with the holidays and the feelings of guilt for not being able to do more lead to negative feelings. Incorporating the tips discussed in this article is a terrific way to manage the mental load of the holidays and properly self-care. 

5 TIPS TO MANAGING THE MENTAL LOAD OF THE HOLIDAYS: 

1. Practice Self-care. A perfect way for moms to manage a heavy mental load during the holidays is to relax. In other words, engage in activities that bring stress relief and comfort. Activities could include exercise, reading, listening to music, or any other hobby that is enjoyed. Breaking up hustle and bustle of planning with some self-care can do amazing things to reduce stress, anxiety, taking time for self-care rejuvenates and gives energy so that moms can then focus on their kids and families. 

2. Make a plan and stick to it. Like most stressful things, planning helps reduce part of the burden and worry. Moms who plan are more likely to keep their mental load in order. Having a list of tasks that need to be accomplished during the holiday season provides the structure needed to manage a heavy load. The crucial point here is to stick to the original plan. If new, things are constantly added, then having a plan, to begin with, is ineffective.  

3. Manage Expectations. One of the main causes of carrying a heavy mental load during the holidays is the fear of letting loved ones down. Moms are expected to buy the best present, plan an exciting trip, and prepare the most festive meal. The pressure of perfection can trigger an enormous amount of anxiety. Having the understanding that things will not turn out perfectly, because there is no such thing as perfect, is an important part of keeping the mental load in check. 

4. Be dedicated to the fact that the holidays are supposed to be joyous. The holidays are a happy time, or at least they should be. When things get tough though, take a moment or two to remember what is being celebrated. Having family and friends around during the holiday season is special and should be something to look forward to. If that idea is lost, then the whole concept of celebrating the holidays needs to be reevaluated. Sometimes the joy can be harder to find and that’s okay! During those not so joyous moments it would be a wonderful time to model how to handle the disappointments to your children. If children observe that you can be present and working through your feelings in real time, they too will start utilizing those skills. Additionally, if they see parents be happy during the holiday time it will teach children about the importance and beauty of the holidays. 

5. Delegate tasks. Do not take on everything alone. Having support during the holiday season is an effective way to help cope with things and create efficiency in getting things done. Give yourself grace to not be a “Super Mom;” just remember you are not alone. Utilize help when it is available for small, medium, or large tasks.  

Holiday time can sometimes trigger serious mental health issues such as depression or severe anxiety. This can occur for assorted reasons including past trauma, missing deceased family, or the high level of stress associated with the holidays. If symptoms should arise and feel different or worse than usual, consider seeking professional help. The experienced Obsidian Counseling & Wellness team has the skill set and expertise to provide the necessary therapeutic interventions needed to get these feelings under control.  

Moms will always carry a heavy mental load during the holidays. It comes with the territory. Being able to manage that load is challenging but doable with the right support. Following the tips provided in this article is a great start. More than anything else, enjoy this special time of year with family and loved ones. That is the most important thing to achieve. Happy Holidays. 

5 Tips to Stop the Cycle of Imposter Syndrome

Do you ever say to yourself…

“Success is no big deal. It’s all down to luck.” 

“When are they going to find out I’m actually no good at this?”

“I feel like a fake.”

“I’m a fraud.”

“I must not fail.”

If you do you might be experiencing Imposter Syndrome. Also sometimes called “perceived fraudulence," imposter syndrome is a strong feeling of self-doubt and incompetence despite evidence to the contrary. That evidence may include your education, experience, or accomplishments.

Imposter syndrome is often found in high achieving people, women, and underrepresented racial, ethnic, religious, and gender and sexuality minorities. It overrides any feelings of success or external evidence of competence. It is marked by fears that past accomplishments will not be replicated or that others will find out or “unmask” a person as a fraud who does not actually know as much as everyone thought they did.

This internal struggle frequently contributes to increasing anxiety, depression, less risk-taking in careers, and burnout.

Anyone can be affected by imposter syndrome. It can be found in BIPOC individuals who work or study in predominately white spaces. It can be found in first-generation college students or white-collar employees. It can also be found in trans and nonbinary individuals who experience a pervasive fear of not being “man/woman enough” and therefore will not be seen by the world.

Does this sound like you?

Imposter syndrome is not uncommon. Some studies show as many as 82% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives. That’s basically everybody.

A Cycle of Anxiety, Depression and Burnout

The problem with imposter syndrome is it becomes a cycle. No matter how hard you work you always wind up in the same spot.

These constant swings of anxiety and depression wreak havoc on your body and your brain’s ability to function and cope. You may notice yourself late to work because you just couldn’t make yourself get out of bed or leave the house on time or get out of the car when you arrive.

That is your brain trying to protect you from what it sees as a highly negative and unpleasant space. Unfortunately, you may also interpret this as further evidence of your fraudulence in addition to repercussions for arriving late to work.

And while a little anxiety can galvanize us, too much wears out the system. Both your body and your mind become exhausted and this can lead to depression. Depression will then echo the feelings of being an imposter because depression is nothing if not a big, fat, negative liar.

 Overtime this continuous cycle of anxiety and depression will result in burnout. Burnout can then result in dropped productivity, fewer results, or more sick days. This then becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy of inadequacy that is difficult to recover from without help. Cleveland Clinic has some additional information on burnout.

Why Does Imposter Syndrome Happen?

How imposter syndrome develops in any given person is idiosyncratic, meaning it is unique to the individual. The why of imposter syndrome, however, is fairly straight forward: we are privy to our inner thoughts when nobody else is, and we know how much effort we put in because we were there the whole time.

The kicker, of course, is nobody else knows all of that unless we say something. But part of the fear of imposter syndrome is being found out as, well, an imposter. So, people who struggle with it find themselves incapable of sharing these experiences and doubts with others.

For BIPOC and queer individuals there is the added difficulty of being made to feel like a space was not build with them in mind. This study encourages a reconceptualization of imposter syndrome for these populations that moves away from internal insecurities—as has been the prevailing approach with white populations—towards the environmental factors that elicit these imposter feelings.

As an example, if an African-American interviews for an upper management position but everyone in the office is European-American it is natural to feel this space was not created with him in mind. Or for a Muslim who is subtly told by management she should not walk away from her desk to perform Salah (praying towards Mecca).

Imposter Syndrome Looks Different for Everyone

We can break down imposter syndrome into five basic types: the perfectionist, the expert, the natural genius, the soloist, and the super person.

The Perfectionist:

What it looks like: In this brand of imposter syndrome, you must be absolutely perfect. Otherwise, you could have done better. The perfectionist sets exceptionally high goals. When these goals are not met serious self-doubt sets in.

How to spot one: The perfectionist can…

• be accused of micromanaging,

• have difficulty in delegating,

• and feel their work must be 100% perfect 100% of the time.

 The accompanying thought: I’m not as good as others think I am.

 The Expert:

What it looks like: Here, imposter syndrome convinces the expert they must know everything that can possibly be known about a certain topic/subject. Otherwise, they have not mastered the subject and will be exposed as unknowledgeable or inexperienced.

How to spot one: The expert might… 

• shudder when called an expert

• shy away from applying for jobs unless they meet every single educational requirement,

• constantly seek trainings and/or certifications with the belief they need to improve their skills in order to succeed,

• still feel they don’t “know enough” even if they have been in their role for some time

The accompanying thought: If there is still more to learn then I’m not an expert.

The Natural Genius:

What it looks like: With this type, you may feel like a fraud because you don’t believe you are naturally intelligent or competent. This type judges competence by speed and ease rather than effort. If it takes too long to master, they feel shame.

How to spot one: The natural genius…

• is used to succeeding without much effort,

• was told they were the “smart one” as a child,

• feels shame and low confidence when faced with setbacks,

• avoids challenges because it is so uncomfortable to try something they aren’t great at,

• dislikes the idea of having a mentor because they can “handle things on their own.”

The accompanying thought: I didn’t get it right the first time. It’s taking me longer to master this skill than it should. I’m an imposter.

The Soloist:

What it looks like: The soloist is afraid to ask for help for fear they will be exposed as a phony.

How to spot one: The soloist…

• may firmly believe they need to accomplish everything on their own,

• frames requests for help in terms of requirements for the project/task at hand rather than their needs as a person,

• may rebuff offers to help by saying “I don’t need anyone’s help.”

The accompanying thought: If I couldn’t get here on my own am I really that competent?

The Super-Person:

 What it looks like: The super-person struggles with the belief they must be the hardest worker and/or reach the highest levels of achievement possible. They may also be convinced they are a phony hiding amongst others who are “the real deal.”

How to spot one: The super-person may…

• stay later at the office than anyone else even after completing the day’s necessary work,

• get stressed when not working and find “downtime” to be a complete waste,

• let hobbies and passions drop out of their lives in favor of work,

• and does not feel like they have truly earned their title/position despite a pile of achievements, and thus feel compelled to work harder and longer to prove their worth.

The accompanying thought: If I’m not the best I’m a fraud.

Can I Stop Feeling Like an Imposter?

Yes! You very much can. It will not be easy, but you absolutely can. Here are some steps to get you started:

Step 1: Focus on the Facts

Imposter syndrome tricks you into thinking you aren’t qualified for what you are doing. These emotions, however, are typically based in fear rather than fact. Separating your feelings from the facts is a great strategy for combating imposter syndrome.

Easier said than done, we know. You can start with some confidence building through your very own SWOT analysis. That’s “strength, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats.” It’s used by businesses but there’s no reason you can’t use it for yourself!

Step 2: Acknowledge, Validate, and Let Go:

The first step said to focus on the facts. However, that does not mean your feelings are not valid. Feelings are always valid. It’s just what we do with them that makes the difference. That means combating imposter syndrome is not about ignoring your feelings. It means acknowledging they are there but knowing they do not necessarily reflect reality.

For example, feeling unqualified does not mean you actually are. It is absolutely okay, and recommended, to say “I am feeling unqualified. That’s okay. Now I’m going to let those feelings go.”

Step 3: Reframe Your Thoughts

Thoughts are powerful. If they were not, we wouldn’t experience things like imposter syndrome. Thoughts shape how we see the world and ourselves, and thus shape our reality. Sometimes this is a positive thing and others it’s negative.

If you reframe your thoughts about yourself and set realistic goals your mind will change overtime and ultimately see yourself as deserving of your position/place/achievements.

For example, if you find yourself thinking “I don’t deserve this position” try “I may feel insecure right now but I would not have been placed in this position if I wasn’t capable.”

Step 4: Share How You Feel

Imposter syndrome can feel very isolating so this is, of course, easier said than done. Challenge yourself to reach out and talk to someone you trust and share your concerns.

This can be a colleague, a teammate, a supervisor, a friend or a partner. Sharing how you feel with another also provides a strange little confidence boost because you had the guts to do so! This is a direct attack on the isolation of imposter syndrome – good job!

Finding a mentor, if possible, can also be a good idea. Someone in your field that you look up to and can have a frank conversation with about how they have improved their skills and what challenges they have had.

We assure you that everyone struggles even if that thing is easy for them now. Yes, even, if they pretend they didn’t. It’s a fair bet that’s their own imposter syndrome talking.

Step 5: Learn from Your Peers

It’s hard not to compare ourselves to our peers. We often wind up thinking we’re the worst one by comparison. The truth is no one is a master at everything. But! Everyone is a master of something. You might be the office Excel guru or the one person on your team that can explain how to execute this play.

When working or engaging with your peers you can exchange your knowledge for learning new skills. Try to avoid the habit of comparing yourself to others. Acknowledge the value you add to the group while learning new things from your peers.

Step 6: Congratulate Yourself Once in a While

Combat your imposter syndrome head on – celebrate your accomplishments! The next time you feel good about something you’ve done share it with your colleagues or someone outside of that setting that you trust. Maybe treat yourself to a pizza!

If you believe your life is shaped by your actions, your choices, and your decisions you can then take responsibility for your achievements, as well. Take credit for the expertise and skill that helped you reach your goal or complete that project.

Another good idea is to keep a record of positive feedback and praise, even if it’s a brief “Good job!” text message. Then, the next time you hear that negative voice inside you can review those positive messages.

Can Obsidian Help Me Recover from Imposter Syndrome? 

All challenges are easier to overcome when you have a trusted partner at your back. Obsidian’s team of therapists are skilled and experienced with imposter syndrome. Professional, we mean, though maybe personally, too! 

CONSIDER Imposter Symdrome THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL

Feeling like you are aren’t good enough can significantly impact your mental health. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing self-confidence and decreasing those negative thoughts feeding the imposter syndrome in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1.     Fill out a consult form here.

2.     Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3.     Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

Playful Tips From An Online Therapist Suggesting Recess for Adults

“A laughing body is an inhospitable host to negativity and stress” (Beilock, 2017).

 Take a moment to think about the last time you went outside for a scheduled recess in school. The excitement of getting out of the fluorescent lighting and into the outdoors for unstructured play until the ring of the bell or the call of a teacher summoned you back inside. It's hard for me to remember myself. However, my 7th and 8th-grade middle school no longer had a playground, so I think that the scheduled play time started to ween off around that time.

The “Guilty Pleasure” That is Play For Adults

As adults, we rarely get time out of our schedules specifically for play as adults. Instead, it's something we must seek out. Play is often seen as childish, unproductive, and petty and often is vailed with terms such as guilty pleasure. Why must childishness be viewed as a negative? Tamis-LeMonda suggests that children have the right idea when it comes to playing. She states,

 “They live in the moment. There doesn't have to be a final goal, and they play for the sake of play. The truth is, play is being joyfully immersed in the moment, and as adults, we rarely do that."

 

Can Play Benefit My Life?

This is true! Being fully immersed in the moment has excellent mental health benefits, as does play. Here are just some of the benefits of incorporating more play into your life:

• Releases endorphins -happy chemicals- that make you feel good and elevate your mood

• Decreases stress levels

• Improves brain function

• Improves your relationships

• Stimulates your mind

• Boosts activity

• Increases Energy

What is Play?

Play is often challenging for people to pin down because it is not something that is precisely defined. Play is a mindset and a process rather than one form of activity. Play is voluntary and pleasurable. This is key to understanding why play looks different from person to person. For example, art is a form of play for many individuals; however, if one is commissioned to make a specific art piece for their occupation, this may move the activity outside of the realm of play for the professional artist. Another example is a soccer player playing for the game's challenge, enjoyment, and community versus a soccer player whose sole goal is to win.

Play is the mental approach to activities. The mindset of play often includes wanting to have fun and connecting to joy; the activity will look different from person to person.

A Very Short List of the Endless World of Play

Still, feeling stumped? Here are some ideas for play:

• Play games

  • Board Games

  • Sports

  • Try creating games with those around you

    • A race to the end of the block

    • A game with a ball

    • Have a dance battle

• Carve time out for a hobby

  • Crafts

  • Music

  • Photography

  • Collecting

• Schedule time in a park

• Joke with strangers

  • At the bus stop

  • In the checkout line

• Play with a pet

• Try a new recipe

• Solve puzzles

• Play with young people

  • Since we are borrowing a mindset from children, sometimes it helps to play with them to remember what it’s like

• Be present

• Do something fun with others

I can go on and on; think about what play looks like or can look like for you in your life.

The Benefits of Play; The Three C’s

Yolanda Tyler describes the benefits of play using three C’s:

Community

Play can strengthen our relationships, aid in developing the community, and strengthen our social wellbeing. Play in a community can take many forms, such as a game night with friends, a sports league, arts and crafts, and so much more. Early on, play is one of the first ways we connect with others; when we were younger, we would ask if we could "go play" with our friends. However, over time that language changes, thus removing the emphasis on play. Play reminds us of cooperation with others. There are rules that the community agrees upon to create the spaces in which the play can exist. Play and laughter are essential in building strong and healthy relationships.

Creativity

Play fosters an environment for one to be creative and problem-solve. Through play, our brain can explore new pathways that can lead us to different solutions, ways of thinking, and empathy that would not otherwise be possible without it. Play allows for a safe space to explore and think differently; this is essential to working and daily life. Seems counterintuitive, right? Sometimes to move forward when I'm stuck at work, I need to take a break to play. You might think you do not deserve it; however, setting up time in your day to think differently outside of the work context may just be your way forward.

Cognitive Development

 As previously mentioned, play has been proven to improve brain function, stimulate your mind, and decrease stress levels. Through play, we can strengthen our thinking skills, as well as how to put various skills into practice. Empathy is another skill that is often practiced through play. Through play, one can experience a wide range of emotions in a protected environment, and those emotional regulation skills can translate into one's daily life.

Have I Convinced You To Play Yet?

Long story short, there are so many different reasons that one may benefit from play. While the amount of play each day may vary, a good goal is to incorporate a playful mindset in your day-to-day. Incorporating play into your daily life is an investment in your overall mental and physical well-being. Play is for everyone and most certainly is not a waste of time. So, the question is: What will your “recess” look like?

CONSIDER PARENT THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL

Self-care and mental health are connected; sometimes, parental stress or burnout may become big enough that it may be hard to overcome on your own. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why Bailey Seymour, Ilyssa Lasky, and the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your confidence and helping you learn to play again in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1.     Fill out a consult form here.

2.     Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3.     Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

5 Self-Care Tips For Parents To Ease Stress & Burnout From A Parent Counselor

Transitioning into the role of parent can be exciting and overwhelming; young people require a great deal of care and attention. Suddenly, your main job is to take care of your kids. This leads parents to restructure their priorities, often moving self-care to the bottom of the list. On social media, self-care is often portrayed as self-indulgence and spoiling oneself. To a parent, this view of self-care may feel frivolous and selfish.

However, I’d like for us to take a moment to reframe self-care from a luxury to a necessity. It is not something that is added to your day as a reward but is woven into each day.

‘True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake; it is making a choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from' – Brianna Wiest

Adults need to be cared for just as much as their children. The only difference is that adults can make choices throughout their day to check in with and take care of themselves. If you ask a parent to go a day without taking care of their child, they will look at you shocked and rightfully so.

However, many parents go daily without tending to their needs physically, psychologically, emotionally, socially, professionally, and spiritually. These are necessities for feeling your best. I know that list may sound as if they are more things to add to that never-ending to-do list. However, in the long run, taking care of oneself prevents burnout, makes you feel like your best self and strengthens your relationship with your children.

Why is Self-Care Important for Parents from a parent counselor?

Self-care is connected to mental health; self-care can help to prevent burnout. Growing up, we are taught that we just must do some things: we have to brush our teeth each day, sleep, eat, and see the doctor. However, we often are not told to check in with how we feel or to have compassion for ourselves. By prioritizing self-care just as much as the other necessities, we can feel like our best selves, which will help us be the best parents we can be.

What is Caregiver Burnout?

Burnout, or caregiver burnout, is described as an occupational phenomenon, and if you’re reading this you know being a parent is a full-time job. Parents experiencing burnout may feel:

• Exhaustion or energy depletion that won’t go away

• Increased feelings of negativism, cynicism, or mental distance

• Reduced efficacy

• Increased procrastination and avoidance

• Jealousy of others, i.e., the myth of the "supermom."

• Sense of helplessness

As a parent, this may also look like a change in sleeping or eating habits. Feeling physically unwell with dizziness, an upset stomach, or headaches. Feeling anxious, guilty, unhappy, or lonely. And feeling irritated, withdrawn, sad, or angry for extended periods. Burnout is different than stress. Stress is short-term, and when we experience stress, we can identify an end to the situation and feeling. Burnout is a long-term process and is built up over time. Stress often springs individuals into action and anxiety response, while burnout often results from extended periods of prolonged stress leading to disengagement and blunted or distant emotions.

Teaching your Children Self-Care

The best way to teach your children about self-care is to model it yourself. Through watching you prioritize self-care, your children will also give those habits and behaviors value as they grow. For example, some of your self-care routines can parallel those that you set with your children. This may look like having a family dance party, making a healthy meal together, or taking a family nap after school. Working self-care into your children's lives and your own will make self-care a habit rather than something you can do "if time allows."

Build Your Toolbox: Find Self Care Strategies that Work For you

We've established that self-care does not always need to mean treating yourself, but what else can it be? Below, I've broken self-care down into some categories. For example, starting a habit of self-care may look as simple as choosing one thing from each category to implement daily. Each category includes a few examples of how one may implement that category of self-care. Your self-care will be unique to you, so allow yourself to implement self-care in ways that feel right.

Connect

• Call a loved one you haven’t seen in a while

• Set up a date night with your partner

• Talk to a neighbor

• See a friend

• Join a team, class, volunteer group, etc.

• Connect with coworkers

Move

• Take a walk

• Dance around your kitchen

• Go for a bike ride

• Play the music for a line dance like the YMCA or Macarena (a great one to do with your family)

• Yoga

• Exercise

Recharge

• Try and get enough sleep when possible

• Take breaks to ground yourself

  • Check into your breath

  • What can I see, feel, smell, hear, taste?

  • What does my body feel like?

  • Take a moment to breathe

• Take a break from screens

• Meditate

Maintain

• Set up your doctor’s appointments

• Brush your teeth

• If applicable: take your daily medications

• If applicable: do your physical therapy exercises

• Seek counseling

Play

• Play with your kid’s toys after they go up to bed

• Watch or play a sport

• Play a card or board game with a friend or partner

• Video game time

• Make art

CONSIDER PARENT THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL

Self-care and mental health are connected; sometimes, parental stress or burnout may become big enough that it may be hard to overcome on your own. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your confidence and helping you make friends in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1.     Fill out a consult form here.

2.     Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3.     Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

5 Tips for Parents To Ease Back To School Anxiety from a Parent Counselor

It always feels like summer just started, whether its on the last day of school or the last week before school reopens. Living in Chicago, we go through the grueling 7, 8 maybe even 9 months of winter, knowing that summer will be waiting with open arms, with the warm lake Michigan’s breeze, lush lawns, beautiful flowers (especially at the Chicago Botanic Gardens), music and art festivals, hikes and so many things.  

We also know that the end of summer brings the return to routine: the start of school, a year of learning and growing, of after-school activities, Fall Ball games, tutors and the mad rush of juggling work, home, and kids’ activities.

So as August rolls around, it is only natural to feel a sense of urgency to soak in every bit of sun and fun. As the weather turns we may find ourselves with a little sadness realizing that we (the kids especially) have grown up a tad bit more.

Back To School Anxiety

The anticipation of getting back to school can trigger an uptick in anxiety in children. If your child comes to you with, ‘Do I HAVE to go to school?’ or ‘Can I just stay home with you?’, know that these questions are normal. Changed and adjustment from summer mode to school mode can be really challenging for all of us. Given that we are still struggling with the aftermath of a pandemic and other such social uncertainties and the overwhelming impact it has had on our mental health, some extra anxiety among children can be expected.

WHAT IS ANXIETY, Again?

Anxiety is a common human emotion of fear, worry and apprehension about what is to come. It is not indicative of any underlying condition or disorder. It can be mild and fleeting or severe and debilitating.

A certain amount of anxiety that is proportionate to the situation you are in can have a positive impact. It is hardwired into our brains (hello, neurons) and helps us be alert and aware so we can detect and attend to threats and avoid danger. These warning properties of anxiety help us focus on important details when making life-changing decisions such as buying a home, interviewing for a new job, or deciding to move to a new city. Do we mull over these choices, playing out every scenario and listing out pros and cons? Yes! That’s our anxiety and it makes us feel secure in our choices afterwards. Imagine feeling no anxiety. You would sift through these decisions with minimal considerations and might end up missing some important detail.

Anxiety can also be a motivation booster and can enhance performance. Research shows that school athletes who have a little anxiety do better at their sporting events. This is due to the surge in adrenaline and the action of the sympathetic nervous system that gets our heart pumping and pushes us to do our very best.

However, some of us find it hard to control our anxiety and it becomes second nature to us. Always feeling on edge and keyed up with worrying thoughts can affect daily life and can be draining.

 HOW DOES ANXIETY SHOW UP IN KIDS?

Anxiety does not discriminate on the basis of age. It can be seen in people ranging from infancy to adulthood.

Back to school anxiety is common and understandable. It is familiar and age old, that is a rite of passage for every school-going kid and their parent(s). Even the most easy-going kid has some butterflies in their stomach on the first day of school. Be it the transition from summer to school, starting school for the first time, a new school, absence of a friend in class, past experiences with a bully, etc., young children have a lot on their minds. Teens worry about navigating peer and group friendships, romantic relationships, an increase in workload and academic expectations, to name just a few.

Some children get over these anxious concerns fairly quickly as they settle into a routine and make friends, while others struggle a little more. As a parent, you can look for signs to gauge if your child needs additional help to better understand and support them in this transition.

WHAT DOES A PARENT COUNSELOR RECOMMEND YOU LOOK FOR?

Anxiety can take on different faces, making it complex to identify. It can be easier to identify in a nervous or clingy child, a child who needs constant reassurance, or in a child who starts having trouble with bedwetting. Other times, it can be hard to identify or pinpoint because it looks like something else altogether. Some of the signs, you and teachers can look out for are:

Inattention:

Very often, fidgetiness and squirminess are jotted down as symptoms of ADHD. But an anxious child can display these very same phenomena as a result of their worried thoughts, making it hard for them to concentrate in class.

Disruptive behavior:

When children are feeling anxious and don’t know how to regulate their emotions, the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that controls stress responses, automatically gets activated. This releases hormones that prepare the body for a flight or fight response. So, when a child is anxious in school, it can show up as aggressiveness such as picking fights, throwing tantrums or breaking things.

Falling behind on homework:

Anxious children are often very self-critical. They doubt their abilities and are scared to be judged by their peers and/or their teachers. As a result, they don’t want to turn in their homework and/or can fall behind on their schoolwork. This behavior can sometimes be mistaken for laziness or disinterest.

Falling sick often:

Anxiety can cause an increased heart rate, sweatiness of the palms and shortness of breath. It can also present as a bunch of symptoms that affect our physical body, perhaps not as obviously as the ones listed above. If a child is having unexplained headaches, upset stomach, muscle soreness and/or nausea, these could be symptoms of anxiety.

TIPS FOR PARENTS FROM A PARENT COUNSELOR

As parents, you can help ease your children into the new school year. Encouraging them to share their thoughts about what troubles them and validating them is a great way to keep the door open for future conversations. Some children will be ready to share every minute detail of their day with you, while others will answer in monosyllables or single-word responses. Either way, they are taking it in and listening to you. You are showing them that you are there for them and are ready to have discussions on feelings and emotions.

A few strategies that have proved useful for me have been:

Preparing for the new school routine:

Summer times call for movie nights, beach trips and late bedtimes. For young children, talking about the start of the school year a few weeks prior and preparing them for the upcoming routine can help. Think about using a ‘social story’ which allows you use story telling to walk them through what they should expect during the first day of school. It may sound something like this:

Tomorrow morning you will wake up for school. You may feel different feelings. I will walk into your room and say good morning to you and give you a big hug! You will then go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, have some eggs for breakfast and we walk together to school.

When we get to school, your teacher will say hello to you and you will sit with your friends on the lawn until everyone is ready to go inside together. Then, you will spend the day learning in your classroom, have lunch, and soon enough I will be back at 3:00 p.m. to pick you up from school.

You can include any information you want in the social story. You can even include information about bathroom breaks during school, cafeteria chaos, standing in lunch lines, and packing up for dismissal in the social story.

Additionally, we start going to bed at the time we would on a ‘school night’. Less sleep can cause crankiness and increase vulnerability to anxiety. A few weeks before school starts, we visit the school a few times and talk about school bus schedules, pickups, and after-school activities. We slowly start ‘screen withdrawal’ a few days before start of school.

Being positive:

We talk about the things we miss about school – favorite teachers, PE classes, art activities and playground time. We go shopping for school supplies together and maybe get a new lunch bag or school bag and pick out a back-to-school outfit. These activities can help kids focus on exciting things to look forward to that are associated with school.

Connecting with friends:

Assure your kids that they are not alone. Their friends are probably ‘nervous-excited’ too about the start of school.

We try to meet with a couple of friends at a playground the week before school starts to help them get back in touch with each other. The first day back to school can be a great day to meet other parents in your child’s class and to exchange phone numbers to set up future playdates.

Extra TLC the first few weeks:

The first few weeks back at school is hard for most kids. We get ice cream or have a picnic in our backyard to celebrate the first day of school. We can help our kids transition smoothly by having a parent or a family member be home when they are done with school in the initial days, to talk about all the things that happened at school.

Most Importantly- Being kind to yourself:

Back to school can be taxing and exhausting for parents as well. Take some time for self-care and relax. When your child sees a calm and smiling parent, waiting to hear all about their day, it can help ease their anxiety. But also remember that it is natural to feel frustrated and anxious yourself when dealing with a child, who is throwing a tantrum or refusing to listen. Reminding ourselves that these can be signs of anxiety and stepping away from the situation to practice some mindful breathing can model calming behaviors to our children.

SCHOOL ANXIETY IN MIDDLE- AND HIGH SCHOOLERS

In addition to the stressors that elementary school-aged children face, preteens and teens have the added stress of knowing what is happening in the broader world through social media. The number of thoughts that these young people deal with while carving out and coming into their own identities is many. Anxiety in this age group can be exhibited as challenging behaviors like rebellion, defying authority, skipping school or even self-harm.

We have a whole blog on how anxiety presents in teens, the strategies that will help them, and when to seek counseling.

WHEN TO START COUNSELING FOR PARENTS OR TEENS

Back-to-school anxiety should settle down after the first few weeks of the start of school. If it persists and starts to interfere with your child’s willingness and ability to participate in daily activities like going to school, extracurricular classes, sports, and other social relationships, it might be time to get some help for your child. Your pediatrician or school counselor can help find a mental health professional who specializes in childhood anxiety.

Thankfully, anxiety can be managed well when you and your child have the right coping tools in your back pocket. You don’t have to do it alone. There are plenty of resources available to support you and your child’s journey to wellness.

Teen and Parent Counseling Services in Chicago, IL

At Obsidian Counseling, we have experienced therapists who can help you and your child with combating these school stressors and helping in a path to recovery. We will be happy to answer any questions your family may have about counseling for anxiety.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or need help working through some of life's challenges, please reach out for counseling services. If you live in the state of Illinois, our Glencoe & Chicago-based therapists would love to help. Our therapists believe in providing evidence-based therapy with compassionate empathy and a nonjudgemental approach to sessions.

If you are ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started:

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3. Begin working toward better mental health!

Other Mental Health Services in Illinois

Our therapists offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family focusing on providing evidence-based care including incorporating mindfulness as well as other effective therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and EMDR. addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, teen counseling, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more. Because we offer online therapy, we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.

So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for.