Calm the Storm: How EMDR Can Help You Heal and Thrive
Is EMDR right for you? You Bet it is! It is a safe and effective way to help heal from trauma and other mental health concerns such as anxiety, depression, low self esteem and more.
Healing from trauma or emotional pain can feel like an uphill battle, but it doesn’t have to be. Whether it’s a difficult experience, a recent trauma, or the stress of everyday life, finding a path to healing isn’t always easy. That is where EMDR comes in. Have you heard about it? Since I’m in the field, I’ve heard of it (and did EMDR!) myself, but I’ve noticed it started gaining more recognition with Prince Harry’s 2020 interview. Many celebrities have come out sharing their positive experiences with EMDR such as Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato, and Sandra Bullock. Its increased popularity in recent years is no surprise given its effectiveness for healing trauma, anxiety, and other aspects of mental health.
All right, so what exactly is EMDR?
EMDR is a specialized therapy that helps people process and heal from trauma and other distressing life experiences. I used EMDR for quite the range of things from childhood trauma (I still struggle to remember my times tables, does anyone remember learning those?) all the way to I am totally stressed out trying to balance my kids, work, and having a life.
The beauty of EMDR which is different from traditional talk therapy, EMDR uses guided eye movements to help you process those difficult memories and reduce the emotional intensity associated with them.
Just so you know during an EMDR session, your therapist will guide your eye movements back and forth while you focus on a particular memory or thought. This process helps your brain reprocess the memory in a way that makes it less emotionally charged. Over time, what once felt overwhelming can become much more manageable, allowing you to move forward with a sense of peace and resolution.
What Do Those Letters Stand For?
E and M – Eye Movement. Your EMDR-trained therapist will use gentle physical or auditory stimulation to get your eyes to move back and forth (called bilateral stimulation or BLS). Yes, this can sound like hypnotism but please bear with us. This movement activates both sides of your brain and primes it for the next phase…
D – Desensitization. This phase is dealing with “all of the person's responses (including other memories, insights and associations that may arise) as the targeted event changes and its disturbing elements are resolved.” Kari, our EMDR therapist, describes this phase as mentally picking up all of the papers that have been dropped on the floor.
R – Reprocessing. This is where the eye movement gets really important. This is where the client briefly focuses on the trauma or disturbing memory while simultaneously engaging in BLS. This is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotional intensity associated with the disturbance being addressed. Kari explains this as putting the papers in order, placing them in the correct filing cabinets, and then closing the drawers.
EMDR does not remove the memory but it takes the heat and the intensity out of it and moves it from a near re-lived experience to its appropriate place in the brain as a memory.
What Makes EMDR Unique?
What sets EMDR apart is its ability to work quickly and deeply. Many people find that they experience significant relief in a relatively short amount of time. It’s also a great option if you’re someone who struggles to talk about your feelings or past experiences. Because EMDR doesn’t rely solely on verbal expression, it can be a less daunting approach to therapy.
Real-Life Results
Let’s talk about what you can expect. Imagine feeling lighter, more in control, and less triggered by the things that used to weigh you down. EMDR can help you achieve that by rewiring the way your brain processes those difficult memories. It’s about more than just “getting over” something—it’s about truly healing from it.
The effects of an EMDR processing session can sit in the back of a person’s mind for multiple days. Clients report flashes of new insight up to several days after an EMDR session and sometimes even relevant dreams.
What Is EMDR Good For?
Originally designed as a trauma-processing technique, EMDR has also been found to be effective for
· Anxiety
· Panic attacks
· Stress
· Phobias
· Complicated grief
· Self-esteem and performance anxiety
Is it safe?
You bet it is! It is a carefully structured and researched-supported therapy. It is non-invasive meaning no medications or physical interventions. EMDR relies on the natural healing process of the brain, which are activated through specific techniques, such as guided eye movements.
Another beautiful aspect of EMDR is that the client is in control. The client is allowed and welcome to stop a processing session at any time. A good EMDR therapist will then check in with the client and help them regain enough stability to continue with the rest of their day.
Ready to Explore EMDR?
If you’re curious about how EMDR could work for you, consider reaching out to us. Click here to start your EMDR journey today!
Taking care of your mental health is one of the best investments you can make in yourself. Whether you're new to therapy or looking for a fresh approach, EMDR could be exactly what you've been searching for.
C-PTSD Isn’t Forever: EMDR is the Path to Permanent Healing
C-PTSD, or Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, is on the list of most difficult, challenging, and life-interfering mental health conditions one can experience.
1 in 11 people in the United States will receive a PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) or C-PTSD diagnosis during their life time. That is about 30 million people. More than the entire state of Texas.
PTSD is typically associated with a single, one-time event or set of similar events in a brief span of time. As the name states, C-PTSD is more complex. So, what makes C-PTSD different and all the more difficult? And what is trauma, exactly? For the answer to that, check out this blog post from June, 2022.
Trauma – Everyone’s Doing It!
We cannot talk about trauma without addressing the biggest of all myths about it: if you do not have PTSD than you do not have trauma. Wrong, wrong, wrong! Everyone does, in fact, experience trauma during their lifetimes. It just does not always turn into post-traumatic stress.
If Everyone Has trauma, Why Do I have PTSD?
Post-traumatic stress is what we call a group of symptoms that result from the brain having an extra hard time working through unprocessed trauma. “Unprocessed” is the key word. We said previously we all experience traumatic events in life. Usually, our brains are able to work through them just fine and get on with life. But that is not always the case, and it is nobody’s fault.
There are too many factors that go into whether a traumatic event causes post-traumatic stress than we can even begin to account for. It can be things as simple as not getting a good night’s sleep, or work stress, having to return to the site of the trauma.
So, it is nobody’s fault and it 100% not a sign of weakness or ineptitude. The brain is the most complex and amazing piece of biomechanics in the known universe. It does it’s very, very best but sometimes needs a software upgrade. Which we can do! But first, let’s further define CPTSD.
What Makes Complex PTSD Different?
The overarching difference between PTSD and C-PTSD is the number of instances and the time span of them. C-PTSD arises from multiple, repeated episodes of interpersonal trauma over a long period of time, such as childhood. C-PTSD commonly develops from events throughout childhood though that is certainly not a requirement and C-PTSD can happen from events in adulthood, as well.
The types of trauma that can result in C-PTSD symptoms include:
Abuse
Neglect
Abandonment
Domestic violence or other ongoing abuse
Torture
Kidnapping
Living through a war
Prolonged refugee status
Experiencing any of these during childhood greatly increases the chances of developing CPTSD. Why? Simply put, a child’s incomplete brain development and on-going identity formation. There is more to it than that, of course, but a more complete explanation would require a much longer and academic write up than we have space here.
A useful tool for gauging the level of trauma in one’s childhood is the Adverse Childhood Experiences scale (ACE). It is a ten-question measure that can offer a window into one’s odds of developing both physical and mental health problems later in life, such as C-PTSD. The higher the score the more likely these problems will develop, though this is of course not a perfect predictor.
What is EMDR and How Can it Heal C-PTSD?
Remember how we talked about the need up a software upgrade on our brain? Meet EMDR!
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an intense but brief therapeutic intervention designed to be used in conjunction with other forms of therapy. “Brief,” of course, varies person to person, however, EMDR is still well-researched, safe, and has a proven track record with post-traumatic stress, including C-PTSD.
This link will take you to the two-page handout that we give clients to explain EMDR.
In short, EMDR is a way to safely access traumatic memories and perform the mental processing the brain was not able to do the first time. In the case of adverse childhood experiences, you are now bringing all of your adult brain development, adult knowledge, insight, coping, and skill to bear on these memories you were in no way equipped to handle at the time.
And the key is safely.
EMDR is Safe, then?
There are some people for whom EMDR is not a good choice. That is something to discuss with the administering therapist. Part of their job is to determine whether this is a good intervention for you. But, yes, it is safe, if performed by a licensed therapist trained in EMDR. And extensively researched with over 30 double-blind studies (the most rigorous type of scientific study there is) that have demonstrated at least some kind of treatment benefit from using EMDR.
Both the World Health Organization (WHO) and the Department of Veteran Affairs (VA) also validate EMDR as an effective treatment modality. This short news segment also shows Prince Harry of the British royal family engaging in EMDR to help process the trauma of his mother’s death. Take a look to see an example of the butterfly hug technique.
But I Have So Many Memories. How Do I Process Them All?
That is the difficulty with C-PTSD, isn’t it? It’s not just one episode, or a few. It’s traumatic experiences that happen again and again over the span of months or even years.
So that’s a good question, and one we get frequently. One of the beauties of EMDR is that the healing generalizes. You will absolutely not have to attempt to remember every single incident of abuse, neglect, fear, etc.
EMDR uses something called a “touchstone memory” that may represent a whole series of events to you. Some clients will choose to start with the “worst memory,” instead, or the “earliest,” or even the least disturbing and work their way back.
Each time a specific “target memory” is successfully processed others like it will become easier and easier. Kari had a client who started with the “least disturbing” of a series of trauma events and by the time they got to the “worst” memory it was processed faster than all the others!
How Does EMDR Therapy In Chicago, IL Work?
To keep it simple let’s go letter by letter:
E and M – Eye Movement. Your EMDR-trained therapist will use gentle physical, auditory, and/or visual stimulation to get your eyes to move back and forth. This is called bilateral stimulation or BLS.
Yes, this sounds like hypnotism but please bear with us. This movement activates both sides of your brain and primes it for the next phase…
D – Desensitization. EMDRIA explains this phrase as dealing with “all of the person's responses (including other memories, insights and associations that may arise) as the targeted event changes and its disturbing elements are resolved.”
Kari, our EMDR therapist, describes this phase as mentally picking up all of the papers that have been dropped and scattered across the floor.
R – Reprocessing. This is where the eye movement gets really important. This is where the client briefly focuses on the trauma or disturbing memory while simultaneously engaging in BLS. This is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotional intensity associated with the disturbance being addressed.
Kari explains this as putting the papers in order, placing them in the correct filing cabinets, and then closing the drawers.
EMDR does not make you forget all of those memories but it takes the heat and the intensity out of them, and moves them from a near re-lived experience to its appropriate place in the brain as just a memory.
Why Might EMDR Be a Good Choice?
EMDR therapy is a short-term therapeutic intervention that is meant to be used in conjunction with other forms of therapy. Because it helps a client delve deep into the brain it can accomplish some kinds of healing faster than traditional talk therapy.
However, again, it is an intense form of therapy and not everyone is suited for it nor wants to do it. The beauty of EMDR is that it is up to you.
Can I Do Online EMDR at Obsidian?
Absolutely! Kari Holman is our resident trauma and EMDR therapist in Chicago, IL. Even if EMDR is not the right choice for you she would still love to be a part of your healing.
CONSIDER EMDR THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL
CPTSD, PTSD and any sort of trauma can significantly impact your mental health. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why Kari Holman, and the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at decreasing traumatic stress in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.
1. Fill out a consult form here.
2. Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
3. Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!
OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.
Empathy and Compassion: Aren’t They The Same & How To Practice Them When Uncertain
Empathy and compassion are often confused for each other. Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the same feelings with another person. Compassion is thought of to be the emotional response to another person’s pain which then creates a desire to help. There is lots of overlap between the two but what is it that sets them apart?
3 Types of Empathy
The first main difference between compassion and empathy is that there are three kinds of empathy. Psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman have identified these three kinds of empathy as cognitive, Emotional, and compassionate. Compassionate empathy is what we typically think of when we think about compassion.
Cognitive Empathy
Cognitive empathy consists of knowing how another person feels and being able to identify what they may be thinking. For example, if a friend has recently lost a family pet, cognitive empathy enables you to know they may be feeling sad or hurt. Cognitive empathy is often referred to as “perspective taking” since it allows you to put yourself in another person’s shoes.
Emotional Empathy
Emotional empathy differs from cognitive empathy because you physically feel the emotions another person may be experiencing. This is the type of empathy that makes us jump when you see your favorite sports player fall and injure themselves during a game. You may have experienced the physical pain or sensation of injuring yourself in a similar way which is why you may grimace when you see them fall. You do not need to have experienced the same exact injury or way you were injured, but everyone has experienced physical pain before, and emotional empathy allows us to identify similarities between situations to understand how the other person is feeling. Emotional empathy does not only apply to physical situations though. Many emotions are so strong that one can also feel them physically. Emotional empathy also applies to when you can feel and experience these emotions as well.
Cognitive and emotional empathy are able to come together to form compassionate empathy.
Compassionate Empathy
Compassionate empathy is what we typically think of when we hear the word “empathy”. It is also what is typically confused for simply compassion. While the names may be similar, there is a difference. Compassionate empathy is when you combine the qualities of cognitive and emotional empathy and then act towards trying to help. So, you have put yourself in the other persons shoes and have identified their pain, physically feeling, or experiencing their emotions, and now you are ready to reach out and offer help. This is where compassion plays a role in empathy. The act of reaching out or simply having the desire to help someone experiencing pain is compassion. Empathy is good on its own, but to really help and make a difference to others compassion needs to come in and play a role.
How To Practice Compassionate Empathy
Practicing compassionate empathy is easy. Let’s say that your neighbor recently lost a loved one. You may have also been in a similar situation in the past, so you understand the grief and emotional distress it causes. Think about what could have helped you during this time. Maybe cook a meal and drop it off or offer to walk their dog so it is one less thing on their to do list.
Examples of practicing empathy and compassion in daily life
Practicing compassion today can seem like a daunting task. Differing political affiliations or general values can cause us to stay away or only socialize with people with similar views as us. Right now, our world feels like it is in a constant state of chaos and uncertainty. No matter whether you agree with someone’s values or not, everyone deserves kindness and compassion. Instead of isolating ourselves, reach out and check in with your neighbors. Keeping in touch with people and letting them know you care can make a significant impact. You never know what someone else is going through, but everyone can benefit from some compassion.
1. Reach out to a friend or family member you haven’t talked to in a while.
Ask them how they are doing or what is new in their life. Invite them to get a coffee or go on a walk. It may lead to a fun conversation where you both can catch up. With the amount of uncertainty in the world today, most people just want to talk and be heard. You can be the one to provide them with a space to do that.
2. Perform random acts of kindness
These can be done anywhere like the grocery store or gas station. If you see someone struggling with something, physically or emotionally, perform a random act of kindness to brighten their day. This could be as small as offering to carry their groceries or paying for their gas. You could also leave a note with a nice message in a random person’s mailbox. You may not see the effects it has on the person, but it could make a big difference to their day.
3. Help the environment
Humans aren’t the only ones who benefit from some compassion. Show the environment some love too. Pick up litter that may be outside or remember to recycle your water bottles. Cleaning up the environment not only helps the earth, but it makes the area nicer for people after you and you might feel a little better too.
4. And The Most Important One…Be kind to yourself!
Start your compassion journey with yourself. Treat yourself to a nice dinner or relax in the bath after a long day. Take note of when you are feeling stressed and maybe practice some breathing exercises or meditate for a moment. You can only be compassionate of others when you are compassionate to yourself first. In a world that is constantly moving, it is okay to slow down and take a breath.
Why Does This Matter?
Compassionate empathy is a key element we have as humans to connect with one another. It is particularly important and can be used as a way to unify us during times of uncertainty.
Counseling Services in Chicago, IL
Time of uncertainty can cause anxiety, burnout and sadness. These things can have a huge impact on a person’s mental health and you may need more support in the form of a professional counselor or therapist. If you are feeling overwhelmed or need help working through some of life's challenges, please reach out for counseling services. If you live in the state of Illinois, our Winnetka & Chicago based therapists would love to help. Our therapists believe in providing evidence based therapy with compassionate empathy and a nonjudgemental approach to sessions.
If you are ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started:
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
Begin working toward better mental health!
Other Mental Health Services in Illinois
Our therapists offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family focusing on providing evidence based care including incorporating mindfulness as well as other effective therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and EMDR. addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, teen counseling, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more. Because we offer online therapy, we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.
So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for.
Communities Torn Apart and Attempting to Mend: Understanding and Processing Collective Trauma
We have spoken here before about how trauma effects the individual. What we haven’t spoken about is what happens when trauma effects an entire community.
This is collective trauma.
Collective trauma can be caused by war, natural disasters, mass shootings, genocides, pandemics, and more. It is an event that wounds not only you but your family, your friends, your neighbors, and even the community officials elected or hired to serve and provide for all of you.
The added difficulty of collective trauma is that your extended support system also needs support. How do you nurture others when you have temporarily lost the capacity to nurture yourself? The results of collective trauma can last generations.
What is Trauma, Again?
Trauma is an emotional response to an intense event that either causes harm or threatens to cause harm. It is often a result of an overwhelming amount of stress that outstrips one’s ability to process and cope with the emotions involved with that traumatic experience. Trauma can happen without PTSD ever developing.
How Do I Know if I Have Been Traumatized?
Please see the link at the start of this post for warning signs of PTSD in adults. Partners in Healing, a project aimed at bringing therapy into schools, also has a list of possible warning signs of trauma for various age groups with a focus on children.
What is Collective Trauma, Specifically?
Kaiser Permanente defines collective trauma as “a shared emotional reaction to a terrible event. People often feel powerless as a result of these experiences.” They also add that with a country the size of the US it is unusual for the entire county to experience trauma at the same time, and yet we have had several such events in the past two years including the Covid-19 pandemic, rising costs of living with stagnant wages, and a sharp increase in mass shootings in 2022.
What are the Long-Term Effects of Collective Trauma?
Intergenerational Trauma
Individual and collective trauma can be felt through generations. When your ancestors, whether recent or distant, experienced a trauma and were not able to (or did not have the opportunity to) fully process and heal from that trauma the possibility of inheriting that trauma occurs. We can see this in intergenerational parenting styles, abuse or substance abuse.
When the trauma and/or its effects are passed down from one generation to the next this is called intergenerational trauma. Intergenerational trauma can be devasting because it very often affects a person who has no direct knowledge of the source. Some large-scale historical examples include the:
Holocaust,
Great Depression,
9/11.
We humans are stronger in groups and communities and have an amazing ability to recover from collective trauma; however, sometimes the trauma is too massive or too long-term and the community’s ability to heal is overwhelmed, such as the on-going trauma of unarmed black Americans killed by police. When this happens the impact of the trauma, the aftershocks so to speak, can be felt for generations. This can happen in various ways including:
Parenting styles that were altered by the adults struggling to process and/or compensate for harm
Lasting economic impacts of the trauma
Psychological Distress
Many times, those that experience a community-impacting traumatic event show signs of PTSD. This also includes a decrease in their well-bring, feeling unsafe, and high levels of stress. This can continue for years after an event if left untreated. Frequently, these survivors report permanent changes in their behavior such as avoiding certain places or being on high alert in specific contexts.
Xenophobia
The fear that results from these community-wide events can leave us feeling unsafe around people outside of our immediate group or community. This is especially true for systemic inequities such as police brutality, gender and sexuality-based violence, religious violence, and all manner of other hate crimes.
As a result, survivors may come to fear any person/group they associate with the traumatic event such as the violence and abuse targeted at Asian-Americans during the Covid-19 pandemic or Muslim and Middle Eastern-Americans after 9/11.
Existential Crisis
It is not always easy to make sense of bad things or know how to move on. This can trigger an existential crisis. These feelings can uproot an entire community and leave everyone feeling untethered, doubting their believes, and unsure about their place in the world or even the meaning of their own lives.
How Can a Community Collectively Heal Trauma?
Research points to some specific actions that communities can take to heal together.
One of the most important appears to be meaning making. In the case of collective trauma this is creating a positive shared meaning around the event, as odd as it sounds to create something “positive” out of a tragedy.
Thankfully, communities seem to know how to do this. This can be seen in spontaneous memorials that include flowers, pictures, messages, or organized ceremonies including vigils and prayer circles or other spiritual activities to honor those lost.
Community talking sessions and volunteer healers including mental health and animal-assisted therapy arise. Communities can also establish programs to help others who have experienced similar things.
When people go through these types of experiences, they need to come together to acknowledge what happened and to talk about their emotions.
How Can I Heal?
Healing from any kind of trauma is not easy. In the case of collective trauma here are our recommendations for supporting and healing yourself:
Limit was you see in news/social media (really, stop doomscrolling)
Find solidarity within your community – solidarity promotes healing
Find a trauma-informed therapist
Raise your awareness of how you feel
Take care of your body
Nurture your resilience
Other Resources
Collective trauma is a devasting and complex condition. To fully cover it is well beyond the scope of our little blog here. So please use this list of resources if you would like to learn more collective trauma:
How Collective Trauma Impacts Teen Mental Health
Wisconsin Department of Health Services – Understanding Collective Trauma Handout
Coping With Cascading Collective Trauma in the United States
Consider Trauma Therapy in Chicago, IL
Even collective trauma can feel like an isolating experience but our trauma and EMDR specialist, Kari Holman and our other trauma-informed online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL offer therapy directed at supporting you through every step of processing and recovering from trauma via online therapy. We want to help you reconnect with yourself and begin the process of being the whole, happy, genuine you from the comfort of your own home.
Take the steps below to get started:
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!
Other Services at Obsidian Counseling and Wellness
When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks, including teenagers, along their healing process. Specifically, we help people in addressing anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.
Trauma, PTSD and CPTSD: What Are The Differences? Are We All Traumatized?
Until recently, trauma was poorly understood by modern Western science. In the 20th century “shell shock” was used to describe soldiers returning from war who exhibited symptoms including fatigue, confusion, tremors, and exaggerated startle responses. It was frequently diagnosed when a current or former soldier could not function but there was no obvious cause as to why.
Then, in the 1970s, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk began his industry-changing work learning what shell shock is and what we understand it as today – trauma. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) was added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) in 1980. In 1988 Dr. Judith Herman of Harvard University added CPTSD – Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder to the literature.
This filled an important gap in psychological theory and practice. Dr. van der Kolk’s research also proved that trauma is not something that only happens to soldiers. Trauma can, and does, effect ANYONE. Yup, you read that correctly! In fact, 1 in 11 people in the United States will received PTSD diagnosis during their life time. That is about 30 million people. More than the entire state of Texas.
What Is Trauma?
The truth is everyone experiences trauma. But not everyone develops PTSD symptoms. This may be the biggest myth about trauma: if you do not have PTSD than you do not have trauma. Wrong!
Very broadly trauma is what happens when there is more data coming in than your brain can process at a time. Imagine the download bar on your computer as its estimate wildly swings from “5 minutes” to “2 minutes” to “3 hours,” and so on. The difference between your computer and your brain is that your computer will eventually download everything. Anything that does not get downloaded in your brain in real time stays un-downloaded.
But another way – image a water funnel. If too much water is poured at once the funnel fills up and spills over. That spilled water does not make it into the container. That is your trauma. Trauma is spilled water. It is unprocessed memories that you brain was unable to appropriately file in the proper drawer.
As a result, every time we access one of these unprocessed memories it can feel almost or just as raw and real as the moment the event happened. The traumatic event does not even have to be “big” or “major” to influence us. We call that Little T trauma.
Big T and Little T Trauma
Traumatic events can be broken down into two categories. Big T and Little T trauma. This apparent size has nothing to do with the intensity or effect of the trauma. Maybe a better term would be “headline” and “subhead” trauma.
The Big T/Headline traumas are the ones we all think of; a bad car accident, sexual violence, natural disasters, war, terrorist events, serious injury or illness, the death of someone close to you, etc. Not everyone will experience these. These are the traumas that are most likely to result in PTSD and CPTSD.
The Little T/Subhead traumas are the ones society does not tend to think about. We may go so far as to say everyone has had at least once of these. These do not typically result in PTSD/CPTSD but they can still influence our future thinking and behavior.
This could be a scary encounter with a dog as a small child, getting separated from your family in a public place, a scary movie, a minor car accident. The list is endless. What makes any of these a traumatic moment comes down to your brain’s ability at that specific time and place to process/not process all that data or get all the water down the funnel without spilling over.
PTSD/CPTSD – When the Trauma is Too Big
Big T traumas are the ones that typically result in PTSD and CPTSD, but not always. PTSD/CPTSD are the names for a group of symptoms that result from the brain having an extra hard time working through unprocessed trauma. Unprocessed is the key. Remember all that spilled water.
Symptoms of PTSD and CPTSD
While PTSD and CPTSD may on the surface appear to have similar symptoms, there are some differences. Let’s begin by taking a look at the symptoms for each.
Symptoms of PTSD
The American Psychiatric Association has a summary of PTSD symptoms. These include, broadly:
intrusion symptoms
avoidance symptoms
arousal and reactivity symptoms
cognition and mood symptoms
Additional Symptoms of CPTSD
In addition, CPTSD can include:
difficulties managing emotions, like anger or intense sadness
persistent feelings of emptiness or hopelessness
relationship challenges, such as trust issues, avoiding others, or participating in unhealthy dynamics
What is the Difference Between PTSD and CPTSD?
The overarching differences between PTSD and CPTSD is how old you were when the trauma happened, what happened, and for how long. PTSD typically involves one event. CPTSD is what typically happens after repeated, long-term traumatic events.
The types of traumas that can result in CPTSD symptoms include:
Abuse
Neglect
Abandonment
Domestic violence or other ongoing abuse
Torture
Kidnapping
Living through a war
Prolonged refugee status
CPTSD can develop if any of the above happens during adulthood, however, it is more common to see CPTSD because of these things happening in childhood. Experiencing any of these during childhood greatly increases the chances of developing CPTSD.
The reasons for that include, but are certainly not limited it, children’s incomplete brain development and on-going identity formation. There is more to it than that, but a more complete explanation would require a much longer and academic write up than we have space here for on the blog.
A useful tool for gauging the level of trauma in one’s childhood is the Adverse Childhood Experiences scale (ACE). It is a ten-question measure that can offer a window into one’s odds of developing both physical and mental health problems later in life, such as CPTSD. The higher the score the more likely these problems will develop, though this is of course not a perfect predictor.
What Can I Do About My Own PTSD or CPTSD?
Thankfully, having PTSD or CPTSD is not a life sentence. Those with these diagnoses can and do recover and living happy lives that are not controlled by their symptoms.
Consider Trauma Therapy in Chicago, IL
This belief in the ability of humans to heal from trauma is the reason our trauma specialist, Kari Holman and our other online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL offer therapy directed at increasing your confidence and helping you heal from your trauma in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home.
Take the steps below to get started:
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!
OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks, including teenagers, along their healing process. Specifically, we help people in addressing anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.
What is EMDR and How Does It Help Trauma, Anxiety, and More?
Obsidian Counseling and Wellness offers EMDR treatment services to our clients. Our therapists value using evidence based practice in counseling & psychotherapy. And, we have chosen to provide EMDR because it’s a powerful form of therapy supported by the clinical research.
What is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (typically just referred to as EMDR therapy) is an intense but brief therapeutic intervention designed to be used in conjunction with other forms of therapy. It is well-researched, safe, and has a proven track record with PTSD, trauma, and many other mental health challenges.
This link will take you to the two-page handout that we give clients to explain EMDR. If you would like to know a little more about what EMDR is and how it works, please read on.
Did You Know?
Many celebrities opt for EMDR because of its effectiveness. There are several celebrities that have made their mental health journey public and their use of EMDR sharing how it has helped them cope with past traumas. Some of those celebrities include:
Lady Gaga
Prince Harry
Jameela Jamil
Justin Bieber
Demi Lovato
David Beckham
History and Research of EMDR
The process behind EMDR therapy was initially discovered in the 1980s by psychologist Francine Shapiro. Over the course of her career Dr. Shapiro developed and refined a treatment modality she dubbed Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing or EMDR.
The EMDR International Association (EMDRIA) describes EMDR therapy as “an extensively researched, effective psychotherapy method. It is proven to help people recover from trauma and other distressing life experiences. Some of these include PTSD, anxiety, depression, and panic disorders.”
How extensively researched? A Google Scholar search for “EMDR” turns up around 23,000 entries for books and research. As of 2021 we know of over 30 double-blind studies (the most rigorous type of scientific study there is) that have demonstrated at least some kind of treatment benefit from using EMDR.
Both the World Health Organization (WHO) and the Department of Veteran Affairs (VA) also validate EMDR as an effective treatment modality. This short news segment also shows Prince Harry of the British royal family engaging in EMDR to help process the trauma of his mother’s death. Take a look to see an example of the butterfly hug technique.
Is EMDR safe?
There are some people for whom EMDR is not a good choice. Clients with a bipolar disorder or personality disorder diagnosis are not good candidates for EMDR.
For everyone else, yes. It is safe. If performed by a licensed therapist trained in EMDR. One of the beauties of EMDR is that the client is in control. The client is allowed and welcome to stop a processing session at any time. A good EMDR therapist will then check in with the client and help them regain enough equilibrium to continue with the rest of their day.
EMDR Sounds a Little Scary
EMDR is intense, and clients can expect to feel a little drained immediately afterwards. The effects of an EMDR processing session can sit in the back of a person’s mind for multiple days. Clients report flashes of new insight up to several days after an EMDR session and sometimes even relevant dreams.
Again, a trained EMDR therapist will do all of the necessary prep work with you to ensure you have successful processing sessions and are able to go about your day afterwards.
So What exactly IS EMDR?
To keep it simple let’s go letter by letter.
E and M – Eye Movement. Your EMDR-trained therapist will use gentle physical or auditory stimulation to get your eyes to move back and forth (called bilateral stimulation or BLS). Yes, this can sound like hypnotism but please bear with us. This movement opens up both sides of your brain and primes it for the next phase…
D – Desensitization. EMDRIA explains this phrase as dealing with “all of the person's responses (including other memories, insights and associations that may arise) as the targeted event changes and its disturbing elements are resolved.”
Kari, our EMDR therapist, describes this phase as mentally picking up all of the papers that have been dropped and scattered across the floor.
R – Reprocessing. This is where the eye movement gets really important. This is where the client briefly focuses on the trauma or disturbing memory while simultaneously engaging in BLS. This is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotional intensity associated with the disturbance being addressed.
Kari explains this as putting the papers in order, placing them in the correct filing cabinets, and then closing the drawers.
EMDR does not remove the memory but it takes the heat and the intensity out of it and moves it from a near re-lived experience to its appropriate place in the brain as a memory.
What Mental Health Conditions can EMDR Treat?
Originally designed as a trauma-processing technique, EMDR has also been found to be effective for
· Anxiety
· Panic attacks
· Stress
· Phobias
· Self-esteem and performance anxiety
Why Might EMDR Be a Good Choice for Therapy?
EMDR therapy is a short-term therapeutic intervention that is meant to be used in conjunction with other forms of therapy. Because it helps a client delve deep into the brain it can accomplish some kinds of healing faster than traditional talk therapy. And many people may find it easier than having to talk more in depth in traditional talk therapy. It can even be useful for treating complex PTSD (cptsd). However, this is still an intense form of therapy and not everyone is suited for it nor wants to do it. Again, the beauty of EMDR is that it is up to you.
Begin EMDR Therapy in Chicago and Online Throughout Illinois
Are you tired of struggling with PTSD symptoms, frequent anxiety, self esteem issues or grief? EMDR may be able to help! At our Chicago, IL area therapy practice, we are committed to helping people find healing and offering online EMDR therapy is one way we do that. Our therapists provide mental health services for youth, adolescents, young adults and college students, and adults. If you would like to explore whether EMDR is the right treatment for you or to begin EMDR in Illinois, please follow these steps:
Fill out a consult form here or call us at 224-255-4411.
Meet with an EMDR therapist.
Start finding healing from past pains and begin fully living in the here & now!
Other Mental Health Services in Chicago
While EMDR is a great treatment for PTSD, anxiety and several other mental health issues, it isn’t the only type of psychotherapy service we provide at our Chicago based counseling practice. We value providing a variety of evidence based counseling services so you can truly be your best self. Whether you’re looking for parent counseling, teen therapy, depression treatment, help navigating the world as a highly sensitive person, LGBTQ+ affirming mental health care or many other mental health concerns, we can help. So, if you’re ready to begin your counseling journey, please reach out to us today.
Ambiguous Loss: The Grief of What is There but We Cannot Have
The end of the calendar year is a time focused heavily on loving bonds and family. From November through the end of December 30 different religious holidays are celebrated across the world. With so much focus on togetherness the “holiday season” weighs heavily on anyone who is grieving a loss or missing the presence of loved ones.
Family estrangement comes into particular focus this time of year given the number of religious and secular holidays that emphasis family involvement and engagement. However, some are ostracized from their families. Some have separated from their families for their own safety or well-being.
These are still losses. They are nebulous and difficult to navigate, and they are seldom identified as what they are: ambiguous losses.
What is Ambiguous Loss?
Ambiguous loss is a loss that occurs without closure or clear understanding. This can include:
· Sudden break up/end of relationship
· Sudden death
· Miscarriages and stillbirths
· Family estrangement
· Divorce
· Death without funeral rites
In these types of cases the lack of closure and/or clear understanding of what happened delays or sometimes halts the grieving process.
Here in 2021 with the Covid-19 pandemic still ongoing the inability to either have or participate in a proper funeral has made working through the grieving process very difficult for many people. How are we to grieve when we don’t get to follow the script? Funeral rites are important and are there to help us with our grief.
Ambiguous loss also occurs when one loses something that still exists, or might still exist, but is inaccessible to you. This can include:
· Missing/lost pet
· Missing person or POW
· Refugee status away from home country
· Immigration
· Dementia
· Addiction
· Loss of previous lifestyle due to disability, medical loss, pandemic, etc.
With these types of ambiguous loss, the grief process can be stalled because the thing we are missing and grieving is still there, or might still be there. It is very difficult to know how to grieve something that is not actually gone but we cannot have.
What Makes Ambiguous Loss So Challenging?
The difficulty with ambiguous loss is it can leave a person with unanswered questions. This complicates and delays the grieving process and can result in unresolved grief. The big question is how to grieve when closure is not an option.
What Does Ambiguous Loss Look Like?
While the symptoms of ambiguous loss have some similarities to other kinds of grieving there are some key differences that therapists look for. Tikvah Lake recently did their own post and outlined these symptoms:
· Sadness about a situation/event but not knowing why
· Feeling others are minimizing your feelings
· Feeling unheard and unsupported
· Thinking you’re going crazy
· Thinking you are being “dramatic,” “overacting” or “making a big deal of nothing” (you aren’t)
· Experiencing guilt for feeling so sad, especially if a person may still be alive
· Vacillating being hope and hopelessness
· Survivor’s guilt
· Being consumed by uncertainty
· Symptoms of
Anxiety
Depression
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
PTSD
Drug/Alcohol use to numb distress
What is the Healing Process?
The healing process with ambiguous loss is really best done with a knowledgeable mental health professional. We here at Obsidian are, of course, ready and happy to help you with any type of grief or loss you may be struggling with. But in addition to that, here are some other tips:
Give it a name – Knowing that what you are experiencing has a name and being able to identify it is the first step in building resilience to your loss.
I was once wisely told by a mentor, Mr. Bryian Winner, “If what you are experiencing has a name it means others have gone through it. If others have gone through it that means others have survived it. And if others have survived it there is no reason you cannot as well.”
Join a support group – Find others who are experiencing what you are. The healing power of shared experience cannot be ignored. Whether its online or in-person find a community of people where you can feel heard and seen.
Celebrate what remains – It will take time. Embrace the bittersweet, the happy-sad. Even while we grieve what is lost, we can still sometimes find good nuggets amidst the sadness. Maybe your crochet buddy can’t crochet anymore because of arthritis in their hands, but they can still be your lunch buddy or movie-friend. Or there may be a child or mutual friend that you can connect to in new ways.
Discover hope for the future – It is a little arrogant of me to say something like this while you, the reader, are likely grieving and struggling. However, once we can become comfortable with the uncertainty and ambiguity of these losses we are freer to think of and discover new sources of hope.
Dr. Pauline Boss, who first identified ambiguous loss, has more information on this healing process here. She identifies the following:
1. Finding Meaning:
· Make sense of the loss through naming it,
· Talking with peers,
· Continuing but changing family rituals and celebrations.
2. Adjusting Mastery: Modify the natural desire for control and certainty through
· Acknowledging the world is not always fair,
· Managing and making decisions,
· Addressing one’s internal experience through mindfulness, exercise, music, etc.
3. Reconstructing Identity: Knowing who you are now through
· finding supporting family, friends, or chosen family,
· Redefining your family’s boundaries,
· Being flexible as family roles are redefined,
· Identifying who is in/out of the new family system
4. Normalizing Ambivalence: Managing the anxiety from mixed emotions by
· Knowing conflicted feelings are normal,
· Talking about them with a professional
5. Revising Attachment: Letting go without certainty of loss through
· Recognizing that a loved one is both here and gone by
· Grieving what has been lost while also
· Acknowledging/celebrating what you still have, and
· Finding new human connections
6. Discovering New Hope: Finding new hope when your loss remains ambiguous
· Imagine a new way of being,
· Imagining new future plans or dreams,
· Identify your spirituality,
· Seek encouragement through family and friends
Here at Obsidian, we love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. If you ever need help or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact us.
Or, if you would like additional information on ambiguous loss, please visit any one of these resources:
Mental Health Technology Transfer Center Network – Covid-specific loss
National Council on Family Relations – Resources
For those of a scholarly mind, try these published research articles:
Ambiguous Loss Theory: Challenges for Scholars and Practitioners by Pauline Boss
Ambiguous Loss and the Family Grieving Process by Betz and Thorngren
Using Ambiguous Loss to Address Perceived Control During the COVID-19 Pandemic by Rosemary A. Leone
The COVID-19 Disappeared: From Traumatic to Ambiguous Loss and the Role of the Internet for the Bereaved in Italyby Testoni, Azzola, Tribbia, et al.
The Endless Grief in Waiting: A Qualitative Study of the Relationship between Ambiguous Loss and Anticipatory Mourning amongst the Relatives of Missing Persons in Italy by Testoni, Franco, Palazzo, et al.
What is Self-Care, Really, and What Can it Look Like?
“Self Care” As a Term is Getting Popular
Interest in self-care has been growing of late. According to Google Trends, the number of searches for “self-care” have doubled since 2015. This month the term was at the center of Olympic discourse with Simone Biles withdrawing from her events for her self-care. “Do your self-care” is a mantra in the mental health field. Its meaning is relatively easy to figure out: take care of yourself.
But what does self care really look like?
But what does that mean, really, and what does it look like? The World Health Organization (WHO) defines self-care as “the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.” As you can see, self-care is actually a broad concept that encompasses all aspects of a person’s life including hygiene, nutrition, and even environmental and socioeconomic factors.
In simpler terms, as the medically reviewed everydayhealth.com describes it, self-care is taking care of yourself so you can be healthy, well, do your job, help and care for others, and accomplish the things you want to in a day. As Brighid Courtney of the Wellness Council of America say:
“When self-care is regularly practiced, the benefits are broad and have even been linked to positive health outcomes such as reduced stress, improved immune system, increased productivity, and higher self-esteem.”
Self Care is Not Just “Treating Yourself”
Let’s start by making one thing clear: self-care is not the same as self-indulgence. The rallying cry of social media self-care seems to be “treat yourself!” While treating oneself is certainly an aspect of a solid self-care regime, spa days, booze, and retail therapy are not the end all and be all of self-care. Especially if they are just too expensive for you to do on the regular.
Self-care requires having some understanding of what makes yourself tick. What sorts of things make you feel recharged, replenished, and happy?
Maybe its cooking. Maybe it’s definitely not cooking. Maybe it’s living it up Friday night and then taking Saturday to yourself. Maybe it’s time with your kids and time without your kids. There are those opposites again. I have yet to meet a parent who does not savor both time with and away from their children.
Types of Self Care
As you may have gathered from the WHO definition above there are different types of self-care. Let’s take a look at a few so we can get closer to that answer of what self-care can look like:
Emotional Self-Care
This can include positive self-talk, a monthly massage, weekly bubble bath, saying “no” to things that cause unnecessary stress (including work requests!), scheduling a regular lunch date with a friend, or giving yourself permission to take a break.
Physical Self-Care
Physical self care can mean getting enough sleep on the regular, eating nourishing foods, finding some sort of exercise/physical activity routine that you can actually stick with (make it something you like rather than a chore), and getting your annual physical with your doctor.
Spiritual Self-Care
Spiritual self-care can be attending religious services but it can also be taking time to meditate or find a “guided imagery” video on YouTube, identifying three good things that happen each day, or keeping a gratitude journal or photo series. This can also include spending time in nature or any place that is peaceful for you.
Temporary Self-Care
These are acts or activities wherein you will benefit but the act but the benefit does not last for long after you finish. This could be the social connection of time with a friend or the calming effect of listening to a favorite playlist or taking a ten-minute break at work.
Enduring Self-Care
These acts have longer-term effects. This could mean reducing or quitting cigarettes, regular exercise that maintains muscle tone as you age or strengthens your heart. This could also mean mindfulness practices that over time lead to physical brain changes. Identifying three good things every day is one of my favorite mindfulness practices to teach clients because it is simple to do, takes little time, and has had demonstrable positive effects.
A Quick Aside for Three Good Things
I feel I should explain what this activity is as I have mentioned it twice. “Three good things” is any good thing that happened throughout the day. They do not have to be big like the completion of a project at work. And they are certainly not negatives wrapped in a positive like “My boss didn’t yell at me today.”
They are little things like:
· The sky is blue today.
· I saw a dog.
· I made it through that light before it turned yellow.
· A song I like played on the radio.
· A meme made me laugh.
I encourage clients to write these things down at first. Not necessarily to keep but to take note of and make sure they hit three a day. Over time one becomes able to find the three good things automatically, and frequently it becomes far more than just three things.
Let’s Summarize
At the end of the day, self-care is anything that helps you de-stress, carve out time for yourself, and bring you happiness. Even if it is just stepping outside to take a deep breath – that is quality self-care!
It can also be making daily tasks more enjoyable. You can pick a soap you particularly like the smell of and focus on the physical sensations of showering: the feeling of water hitting your skin, the sound within your shower, the smell of your soap… for even 10 minutes in the shower this is a more mindful and centering way to go about it rather than letting your brain run hog wild over all the stressful things awaiting you today.
Self Care Resources
If you would like more resources on the various ways you can do self-care here are just a few to get your started on this extensive topic:
Self-Care and Self-Compassion from U. of Toledo
9 Signs You Need Better Self-Care and May Be a Trauma Survivor
Taking Mindfulness Walks in the Chicago, IL area
Why Does Self-Care Sometimes Feel So Hard?
Why Self-Care Can Help You Manage Stress
7 Elements of Self-Care from Silver Hill Hospital
Here at Obsidian, our therapists love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. If you ever need help or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact us at the following:
Quarantine Fatigue: the Effect of Prolonged Stress and Uncertainty
As Covid-19 containments efforts continue across the US and we enter our fifth month of quarantine more and more individuals are experiencing what has been dubbed Quarantine Fatigue.
Any prolonged period of stress can cause fatigue, and not the kind that is fixed by a weekend catching up on sleep. The kind of fatigue we are talking about is the kind that can lead to burnout. This kind of fatigue is a state of physical, emotional, and mental weariness that is regularly caused by prolonged or excessive stress.
Our April entry about symptoms of quarantine stress and trauma points to factors that are causing many individuals and families to feel quarantine fatigue. If you are feeling any of the following you may be feeling the effects of quarantine fatigue:
· Irritability
· Overwhelmed
· Emotionally drained or exhausted
· Eating more or less
· Difficulty falling or staying asleep
· Racing thoughts
· Feeling unmotivated or unproductive
· Difficulty in making decisions
· Problems with concentration and/or memory
This all comes from the stress of the situation we are in. It’s overwhelming, it’s already been a long time, and it’s all uncertain, unpredictable, and filled with unknowns. That puts both the mind and the body in a constant state of arousal because that is what stress is. The autonomic nervous system, in particular, gets out of whack (watch this video from the award winning Crash Course series if you want to learn a little more about the ANS).
The end result is that we struggle to get through our day, struggle with our jobs, or our job searches, struggle in our interactions with our family members, and even those few friends we are able to see. So what can we do to work through quarantine fatigue? Here is our list and while some of these many sounds cliché or hokey, we promise there is science behind them.
1) Practice mindfulness
If mindfulness is new to you try starting with these four mini relaxation exercises from Massachusetts General Hospital. YouTube also has some mindfulness for kids videos as well as mindfulness for fatigue and some promising mindfulness for quarantine videos. Or, check out this blog post we wrote about mindfulness walks you can take in the Chicago area.
2) Proper eating
Massachusetts General Hospital has another useful article on eating for physical and mental health during Covid-19.
Given the lack of energy characterized by quarantine fatigue it is okay go with making simple meals. Googling “easy X recipe” is a sure-fire way to get lots of simple ideas with the added bonus of these being new foods for the family. Each family member can be given one or two items to prep in order to spread out the pre-cooking load. Our therapist, Kari, personally loves her fullstar vegetable chopper as a time-saving device.
3) Proper sleeping
Sleep is not one of our specialty areas although we know just how important it is. So try giving these tips from the sleepfoundtation.org a try. Dr. Michelle Drerup from the Cleveland Clinic also has this helpful video specifically about sleep during quarantine.
4) Exercise
We aren’t suggesting you pick up a three-times-a-week pumping iron routine. But we are suggesting you get out of the house. A single walk around the block is effective. Or an early evening walk, even the weather is cooler, on a local trail. Bring your masks to put on if you pass other walkers and/or maintain six feet of distance.
If you live in or near an area that has a walkable downtown or pedestrian area stroll around there even if the stores are closed. “Quarantine Scavenger Hunt” turned up a number of surprising results on Google. Or make one for each other. Grab your phones to take photos, go to that walkable area, and meet back in 45 minutes.
5) Connect with your friends and loved ones
We get it. This summer just isn’t the same for anyone. No beach. No barbeque. No trips. As of this writing Kari should be packing for her annual Pennsylvania camping trip with all of her best friends. So what is she doing instead?
Try the now ubiquitous Zoom call but with a few twists. The Wrap has a handy list of board games that can be done online. There are also group playable games that can be purchased on various platforms such as one’s iPhone or iPad, or gaming systems such as the Nintendo Switch which now has the “Jack in the Box” collection of party games.
Group movies can also still happen whether through a dedicated platform such as Kast or via phone call or Facetime with some well-timed fingers. Pick a movie, have everyone meet on the phone, Facetime, Zoom, etc. Get everyone to the same point in the movie, pause, count down, and then hit play. Everyone may not be exactly synced up but it will be close enough. If you have a Netflix account, there are ways to “watch a movie” with a friend in two different houses so you don’t have to bother with the syncing up. Cool, right?
6) Acknowledge your feelings and reframe your thinking
It may seem silly or even heartless and selfish to talk about your feelings of boredom, frustration, or disappointment about seemingly minor things when others have lost family members. Of course, saying “Stupid virus. I miss baseball” to someone who has lost a family member is ill-considered and ill-timed, nonetheless you are still missing out and that is still valid.
Even if you just voice it to yourself, identify the emotion, identify the “why” that may be attached to it (for example, “I’m angry and disappointed because I had to postpone my vacation”), validate this emotion. Then reframe your thinking.
By “reframe” we mean change up the language to focus on what you are accomplishing through your self-deprivation. From the example above it could be “I’m angry and disappointed because I had to postpone my vacation. But it is better than getting sick, or getting someone else sick. I can replan for next year.”
7) Remember everything is temporary
As difficult as everything is right now it is important to remember nothing lasts forever. All things comes to an end sooner or later. We may not have a specific end date but know there is an end. We will get past this crisis.
If you would like to speak to a therapist here at Obsidian Counseling about helping you with symptoms like this please do not hesitate to reach out to us. You can contact us at the following:
Ilyssa Lasky –
(224) 255-4411
Kari Holman –
(847) 450-0460
kariholmancounseling@gmail.com
Common But Often UNKNOWN Symptoms of Quarantine Stress and Trauma
Being quarantined in our homes for an unknown length of time has been a unique and particular struggle for everyone. It has required reordering and rethinking our day and taking on additional responsibilities we had never intended. This is the top worry - the safety of all of our loved ones.
As a result many, many people are experiencing symptoms of acute stress and trauma and do not know it. Social media is full of people questioning and bemoaning their lack of progress on projects and even daily chores. This is because, for many, this is the first time they are experiencing a major traumatic situation. As a result they do not recognize their behaviors and thoughts for what they are: mental health symptoms.
Common Symptoms of Stress & Trauma Experienced During Quarantine
Below are some of the most commonly experienced but least recognized symptoms that I have seen people experiencing during this quarantine.
If you recognize any of these in yourself or a loved one, please remember this: there is nothing wrong with you! Your brain is doing its absolute best to take care of you.
1) Memory loss and memory issues
Short term memory can be particularly affected. Memory issues can also include a distorted sense of time wherein time can either crawl or rush past you.
2) Executive Dysfunction
The best description I’ve heard for executive dysfunction is “brain buffering.” You may find yourself thinking of absolutely nothing while at the same time trying to remember what you were just doing. It can also look like saying to yourself, “I need to get up and do that dishes” and then just sitting there and sitting there while thinking, “Just get up and do the dishes!” There’s no identifiable reason why you are not getting up. You just aren’t.
3) Inability to Make Even Small Decisions
This relates to executive dysfunction and is regularly accomplished by distress or frustration when a person tries to force themselves to make the decision.
4) “Forgetting” Activities of Daily Living
Activities of Daily Living (ADLs) are things like eating, showering, putting on clean clothes, using the toilet, etc. What is actually going on is you’re likely not perceiving the cues from your body asking for these things. As a result you are “forgetting” to take care of yourself because you are not picking up on the reminders that you’re hungry, or need the bathroom, or really should shower.
5) Confusion or Brain Fog
This can also be accompanied by slight dizziness or balance issues.
6) Sleep issues
This one is incredibly common. A person may be sleeping too much or too little, or struggle to fall asleep or stay asleep. Unspecific bad dreams and nightmares can also happen during times of trauma or acute stress.
7) Stomach and food-related issues
Like sleeping issues a person may begin eating too much or too little. A person may feel nauseous all the time. A person can also have no interest in food even when they know they are hungry.
8) Dissociation
Dissociation is feeling like there is a glass, a film, or a barrier between you and everything else. Or, between you and your own body. This disconnection happens to stop the trauma memories/thoughts and to lower your fear, anxiety, and shame.
9) Intrusive Thoughts
These are loops of, usually, bad thoughts. If you have found yourself thinking the same negative thoughts over and over again, even when you try to think about other things then you are trapped into what is a negative feedback loop.
Intrusive thoughts can also take the form of negative spiraling thoughts; wherein the first thought might not be too bad but before you know it you have come to the absolute worst case scenario you can possibly imagine.
10) Shortness of breath and heart palpitations
These symptoms are frequently mistaken for a heart attack but are actually common indicators of anxiety or a panic attack. If you have any doubts, however, call 911.
11) Auditory Processing Issues
This is experienced as watching someone speak (or listening to music/watching TV) but being unable to understand what they said even if you hear them clearly.
This may be watching someone speak but being unable to understand what they said even if you hear them perfectly. You may also struggle to separate the conversation you are having from the background noise of a TV or other conversation.
12) Sounds and Sensations are More Irritating than Normal
This encompasses all of your senses. It could be forks scraping or birds chirping, or being touched, or feeling a scratchy fabric, or even the sound of silence. Your brain struggles to fully function until the sound stops. This can also be recognized by an instant reaction of distress, discomfort, or even anger that is out of proportion to the sensation.
If you are now wondering what you can do about these symptoms below are are links from the Department of Veteran Affairs that provide tips on how to help yourself and loved ones during this time:
Managing Stress Associated with the COVID-19 Virus Outbreak
Helpful Thinking During the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Outbreak
Tips for Providing Support to Others During the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Outbreak
Of course, you can also reach out to a mental health professional. Many of us are offering video or “telehealth” online counseling sessions during the quarantine. The thearpists here at Obsidian Counseling & Wellness are ready and eager to help you.