Tackling the Sunday Scaries: Helping Parents and Kids Beat the Back-to-School Blues

Ah, the Sunday Scaries—the dreaded feeling that creeps up as the weekend winds down and the reality of Monday morning sets in. If you're a parent, you know this anxiety isn’t just yours; your kids might be feeling it too, especially with school in full swing. My little one has been struggling with the Sunday Scaries since preschool.

You know the feeling: your anxiety kicks in, making your stomach do flip-flops, your hands sweat, or worse, the endless thoughts about how bad the next day will be.

What Are the Sunday Scaries?

The 'Sunday Scaries' refer to intense feelings of anxiety and dread that typically arise every Sunday. They often start in the late afternoon and last into the evening, though for some, depending on their anxiety levels, these feelings can begin as soon as they wake up.

Physical sensations can include:

• Racing heart

• Stomach upset

• Trouble sleeping

• Sweating

• Difficulty breathing

• Headache

For adults, tackling these feelings can feel overwhelming. You might even think, "Maybe I should take a day—or a week—off work just to avoid this."

Similarly, for kids, this anxiety can lead to something called school refusal, where the thought of going to school becomes so overwhelming they just can’t face it. But don’t worry—there are ways to tackle the Sunday Scaries together and help everyone look forward to the week ahead.

What Is School Refusal?

School refusal isn’t just about not wanting to go to school. For some kids, anxiety about school becomes so intense that they refuse to go altogether. This can lead to missed days, falling behind in class, and even more anxiety. It’s crucial to address these feelings early to prevent bigger issues down the road.

3 Ways to Beat the Sunday Scaries for Parents and Kids

So, how can you help both yourself and your kids calm those Sunday jitters and maybe even start looking forward to the week? Here are three simple strategies:

1. Create a Sunday Evening Routine

   
   Wind Down Together: Establish a relaxing Sunday routine to ease into the week. Watch a family movie, play a board game, or read together. Shared time shifts the focus away from Monday’s worries. If the Sunday Scaries start earlier, plan a peaceful, predictable day. Make breakfast together, go for a walk, or enjoy nature.

2. Prepare for the Week Ahead

   
   Involve the Kids: Help reduce school anxiety by preparing for the week on Sunday evening. Organize backpacks, pick outfits, and review the schedule. Knowing what to expect eases fear, and it helps you feel more organized too! Try adding a fun touch, like sending transitional notes with them.

3. Leave Space for Feelings

   
   Highlight the Good & Acknowledge the Scary: Spend a few minutes discussing how your kids feel about the week ahead. Talking about something they’re looking forward to, like seeing friends or a favorite teacher, can help shift their mindset. Start a “What I’m Excited About” list. Also, give them room to share their fears. Sometimes, they just need to talk—without expecting a solution.

Helping You & Your Child with the Sunday Scaries

If you or your child are struggling with the Sunday Scaries, approach it with patience and understanding. Start by openly discussing what’s really bothering you. Share your thoughts with a partner or friend, and encourage your child to do the same. If needed, reach out to their teacher, school counselor, or a private counselor for extra support. Obsidian Counseling & Wellness is here to help you or your child manage the Sunday Scaries. Contact us today to start your counseling support.

Remember, the Sunday Scaries are common for both parents and kids, but they don’t have to ruin your weekend. By creating calming routines, preparing for the week ahead, and allowing space for feelings, you can ease the anxiety and maybe even start looking forward to what’s coming next. Here’s to making Mondays a little brighter!

Overcoming the Winter Blues: Effective Anxiety and Depression Treatment

As the winter season sets in, many individuals find themselves grappling with the "winter blues," a term used to describe the onset of anxiety and depression during the colder months. The combination of reduced daylight, colder temperatures, and the challenges of the season can take a toll on mental health. In this blog post, we'll explore effective strategies and treatments for overcoming the winter blues, offering hope and support for those navigating anxiety and depression.

Understanding Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):

Seasonal Affective Disorder, aptly acronymed as SAD, is a type of depression that occurs at specific times of the year, typically during the fall and winter months when sunlight exposure is limited. The lack of natural light can disrupt the body's internal clock and lead to symptoms such as low energy, changes in sleep patterns, and a persistent feeling of sadness.

Light Therapy:

Light therapy, also known as phototherapy, is a common and effective treatment for SAD. This involves exposure to a bright light that mimics natural sunlight. The light helps regulate melatonin and serotonin levels, alleviating symptoms of depression and improving mood. Consider incorporating daily light therapy sessions into your routine to combat the winter blues.

Regular Exercise:

Exercise has been proven to be a powerful antidote to depression and anxiety. Engaging in regular physical activity boosts endorphin levels, which are neurotransmitters associated with improved mood. Whether it's a brisk walk, a home workout, or a fitness class, finding an exercise routine that suits your preferences can make a significant difference in managing the winter blues.

Counseling and Therapy:

Seeking professional support through counseling or therapy can be instrumental in overcoming anxiety and depression. A trained therapist can help you explore and address the root causes of your winter blues, provide coping strategies, and offer a supportive space for self-reflection. Talking about your feelings and experiences can be a crucial step toward healing.

Mindfulness and Meditation:

Practicing mindfulness and meditation can be effective in managing symptoms of anxiety and depression. These techniques encourage staying present in the moment, reducing the impact of negative thoughts and worries. Incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine, even for just a few minutes, can contribute to a more positive mindset.

Balanced Nutrition:

Nutrition plays a vital role in mental health. Ensure your diet includes a variety of nutrient-rich foods, such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Omega-3 fatty acids, found in fish and flaxseeds, have been linked to improved mood and can be beneficial in combating the winter blues.

Social Connection:

Maintaining social connections, even in the midst of winter, is crucial for mental well-being. Whether through virtual meetups, phone calls, or in-person gatherings when possible, staying connected with friends and loved ones provides emotional support and combats feelings of isolation.

While the winter blues can be challenging, effective treatment options are available to help individuals overcome anxiety and depression. Whether through light therapy, exercise, counseling, mindfulness, nutrition, or social connection, a holistic approach can make a significant impact. If you or someone you know is struggling with the winter blues, know that support is available, and there are ways to bring warmth and light into the colder months. Remember, reaching out for professional help is a sign of strength, and together, we can overcome the winter blues and embrace the brighter days ahead.

How Anxiety Affects Relationships

As human beings, we crave connections with each other emotionally and physically. If you struggle with anxiety, you are probably familiar with the ways that this condition can negatively affect the quality of your connections. Anxiety can be harmful to your friendships, familial attachments, and intimate relationships when left unchecked. To maintain well-rounded relationships in every aspect of your life, it is essential to develop effective healthy and coping methods for your anxiety.

What does anxiety look like?

            Anxiety is an excessive or persistent worry about various aspects of your life that can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few days. This can be related to academics, finances, careers, family or have unknown causes. Anxiety symptoms will typically leave you feeling nervous, on edge, tired, as if it is hard to concentrate or that there is imminent risk.

How Does Anxiety Affect Relationships?

“My family thinks that I am incompetent”

“My partner could do so much better than me”

“My loved one is going to leave and I will be alone forever”

These negative beliefs and sometimes irrational thought patterns are created by anxiety. The constant thoughts rooted in anxiety begin to affect your emotions and behaviors resulting in overdependence, jealousy, isolation, rejection and a lack of communication. The presence of anxious responses erects barriers to intimacy and deeper connections.

Breaks trust and connections

·      Preoccupation with what could happen instead of what is happening

·      Needing constant reassurance or becoming clingy

Creates procrastination and tension

·      You may find yourself avoiding time with friends and family or holding back from taking big steps with a partner

·      Your partner, friends or family might begin to treat you differently in an attempt to not trigger your anxiety, creating tension

Leads to isolation

·      Feeling frustrated when your partner does not worry in the same way you do

·      Feeling that you are alone in your anxiety or that others view you and your anxiety negatively

What Can I Do?

Live in the moment

• Pause and think about what you know will happen rather than what you don’t know

Develop independent coping strategies

• It is okay to ask loved ones for help, but you do not want to become dependent

Find ways to relive tension

•  Meditation, breathing exercises, physical activity

Fostering your relationships while struggling with anxiety seems challenging but seeking professional help may be the first step to managing your experience. Gaining a better understanding of how your anxiety affects your relationships is important to their growth. Therapy can help to provide independent coping methods that will limit patterns of anxious thoughts and behaviors in your daily life.

 CONSIDER Relational THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL

Feeling like you are aren’t good enough can significantly impact your mental health. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing self-confidence and decreasing those negative thoughts feeding the imposter syndrome in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.

1.     Fill out a consult form here.

2.     Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.

3.     Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.

Parenting When You're Feeling Anxious: 4 Tips for Success

Parenting When You’re Feeling Anxious

Effective Parenting Strategies while Experiencing Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety and depression are common mental health disorders that can have a major impact on your life. If you are a parent who is struggling with anxiety or depression, you may feel like you are not able to properly care for your children. You may be worried about what will happen to your children if you are not able to cope with your mental health disorder. It is important, however, to remember that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help you cope with your anxiety or depression and to be the best parent you can be. We have developed 4 important and effective tips to help guide you during challenging times. 

 Here are 4 parenting tips for when you are feeling anxious or depressed

1. Practice Self Care 

Parents oftentimes forget to do simple things to take care of their bodies and mind. As a parent struggling with your own mental health challenges, it is even more crucial to do things that help you feel good. This includes eating healthy, exercising, and getting the right amount of sleep. Additionally, try things like meditation, yoga, and practicing gratitude. Although none of these are a cure, they do have a powerful impact on how you feel. 

2. Be Mindful of Your Words  

It is important to be mindful of the words you use when talking to yourself and when parenting your child. As a depressed or anxious parent, you may find yourself engaging in negative self-talk. This type of language can worsen anxiety and depression. Try to replace negative inner dialog with positive affirmations and self-care. This can help manage thoughts and feelings of hopelessness, guilt, and worthlessness that can come with parenting when you are feeling out of sorts. Similarly, using language that is too critical or harsh can lead to your child feeling judged or scared. Instead, practice using positive and encouraging language that helps your child focus on their strengths and abilities. Words such as “I can see how hard you're trying” and “I am proud of you for not giving up” can help kids with anxious parents feel supported, loved, and encouraged.   

3. Find a Support System  

A good support system is crucial for navigating parenting when you are feeling anxious or depressed. Reach out to trusted family members, close friends, or healthcare professionals who can provide a listening ear and comfort when needed. Creating a support system can help you take back some of the control you might be feeling about your mental health disorder. Finding support will also provide you with people you can turn to during tough times. You may also find that talking to others is a wonderful way to gain insight into how to better handle your anxious or depressed thoughts and emotions. If you have a partner it is important to remember that a supportive partner can be a major source of comfort as well. Lean on your partner and other members of your support system during challenging times. Talking it out and knowing that you are not alone can make all the difference.  

4. Seek Professional Help if Necessary 

 Your doctor or mental health professional can help you create a plan of action if you feel like your anxiety is becoming unmanageable. Having professional guidance can help you learn effective coping mechanisms for your anxiety and teach you how to manage your mental health disorder in a healthy way. In addition to private therapy, there are many other professional resources available to help parents with anxiety. Some include group therapy sessions and support groups, where you can connect with other parents who are dealing with similar issues. Having access to resources like these can be an invaluable source of support, comfort, and advice. It is important to remember that there are many options available for dealing with anxiety and depression, and seeking professional help, if necessary, can be a great first step in managing your mental health disorder and being the best parent, you can be. 

Receiving the best mental health services from Obsidian Counseling & Wellness

Anxiety and depression can be difficult emotions to deal with, but it is possible to effectively parent despite feeling this way. However, it can be difficult to do so. If you are feeling like your depression and anxiety are getting in the way of parenting or have reached a level that you cannot manage on your own, please contact Obsidian Counseling & Wellness. Our team will help you develop a plan to manage your mental health issues and give you the tools you need to be the best parent you can be. 

Guide To Yoga Therapy: Realign Your Mind, Body, and Spirit

Guide to Yoga Therapy: Realign Your Mind, Body, and Spirit

Therapy is an extremely important aspect of your mental health

Therapy is an effective tool for managing and improving your overall mental health. You may think of therapy as working one-on-one with a therapist, or in some type of group setting with other people who share similar worries or problems. These are extremely useful therapeutic methods and can help you achieve your mental health goals. There are other therapeutic interventions proven to be effective as well. Everyone is familiar with Yoga as a physical activity and relaxation method, but it comes as a surprise to many others that Yoga therapy is beneficial in the treatment of many physical and psychological challenges.  

Yoga Therapy is an effective therapeutic modality for many people

Like any other treatment modality, it is crucial to understand just what Yoga therapy is, how it works, and when can it be the right choice for you. First off, let us look at some of the issues that yoga therapy can help with. Harvard Health Publishing reports that Yoga therapy can benefit people with depression, anxiety, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)*. With a significant amount of people across the globe who suffer from these disorders, it is an important thing to have an additional tool such as yoga therapy for treatment. While yoga therapy may not fully address all your needs, it is something that can be coupled with other types of therapies or medication. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the most common intervention used to treat anxiety, but research has shown that Yoga therapy offers a promising alternative and/or complimentary treatment method.  

The focus of yoga therapy is learning how to focus on yourself

Yoga therapy focuses on understanding yourself. It takes the tools of yoga practice such as movement of the body (asana), breath work (pranayama), meditation, and counseling expertise and tailors them to you. Yoga therapy is a whole person perspective where you consider your mind, body, and spirit at once. For example, with the assistance of yoga therapy, instead of just focusing on the sensation of physical pain, you can start to be curious and see if there is a reason you are constantly getting migraines. 

Yoga Therapists are more than just yoga instructors

Yoga therapists take traditional yoga poses and modify them to meet the mental health needs of those using them. Specific poses and breathing exercises are given to maximize relaxation and stress relief. Remember that yoga therapists are required to train for hundreds of hours before becoming certified. While yoga instructors are great at what they do, yoga therapists have expertise in utilizing yoga techniques specifically for mental health purposes.  

Yoga is about balance, not just physical balance, but emotional and psychological as well. One goal of yoga therapy is to empower you to regain that psychological balance that has been knocked off course or missing. There is a strong two-way partnership between therapist and patient in yoga therapy. It is ideal for patients who are invested in taking an active role in their treatment. 

There are several important benefits of yoga therapy. The more people learn about it, the more it will be utilized in treatment. Here are a few of the most notable benefits: 

• Learning relaxation techniques and calming methods 

• Being educated on how to adapt to changing or demanding situations 

• Understanding how to keep your focus and balance 

How Yoga Therapy can become an important part of your life

Yoga therapy can improve your mental health as discussed in this article. There is still a lot of research being conducted on just how effective yoga therapy is, but most signs point to it having some comparable results as anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. Many people want to avoid medication as much as possible, and yoga therapy is a good way to see if that is possible. The highly skilled team at Obsidian Counseling and Wellness can help you figure out if Yoga therapy is right for you, and to help you get started with a customized program that meets your needs. Contact Obsidian at https://www.obsidiancounseling.com/contact or 224.255.4411. 

* https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/yoga-for-better-mental-health 

Mindful Walks and Places in Chicago You Can Take Them

Summertime is almost here, which means warmer weather, new flower blooms, and a few more daylight hours than in the wintertime. Starting in the springtime, our neighborhoods offer many opportunities for self-care and fresh air. Whether you are new to the Chicagoland area or have lived here your whole life, you may like to explore areas in your neighborhood from the lens of self-care. Below I will discuss mindful walks and some local places in the northern Chicagoland area where you can practice this technique.

Mindful Outdoor Walks

Mindful walks are an excellent way to connect to the present moment, break from anxious thoughts, move your body, and get some fresh air.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is a state of awareness. When we are mindful, we nonjudgmentally notice what is happening in the present moment. Contrary to popular belief, the goal of mindfulness is not to have a blank mind but instead is noticing thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations as they happen. So, for example, if you are feeling angry, you state to yourself, "I am feeling angry." The goal is not to judge or change the feelings but instead to notice.

Some benefits of mindfulness

• Reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety

• Improved memory and focus

• Reduced Stress

• Improved ability to regulate emotions

• Improved satisfaction in relationships

• Increased mind-body connection

• Reduced rumination (which is when we get stuck on a thought or problem and play it repeatedly in our mind)

How do I go on a mindful outdoor walk?

1)    Go outside; this can be anywhere you choose, where you live, near where you work, or any place you would like to explore for today’s walk. (If the weather does not permit, you can practice this skill indoors as well).

2)    Start by noticing how your body feels with each step. Notice your breath. Think about each foot touching the ground (right, left, right, left) and the rhythm of the breath (in, out, in, out).

3)    Tune into your five senses: What do I see? What do I smell? What do I hear? What does the air taste like? What do I feel?

4)    Tune in to the rhythm of your walk, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot; the rhythm of your walk can be an anchor of awareness to return to throughout the walk.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to practice mindful walking; use these steps as a guide to finding what feels suitable for you. The goal is to connect with the present moment.

If you’re feeling creative

Think of some other activities where you can similarly practice mindfulness. Here are some examples that I have thought of:

• Biking

• Kayaking

• Rollerblading

• Swinging on a swing set

• Drawing or painting

• Yoga

• Dancing

• Gardening

• Even doing the dishes! (I know that is an inside task but why not?)

 Please remember to use proper safety precautions when engaging in any above activities. 

Places to Practice Mindfulness in the Chicago Area

No matter where you are in the Chicagoland area, you can find beautiful places to practice mindfulness. As mostly Winnetka-based therapists, we love to visit the beaches along Lake Michigan, the downtown Winnetka bistros, shopping districts, and summer music festivals. Teens, young adults, and parents can get a break from the pressures of school with trails and parks, many near New Trier High School. But honestly, there are amazing places to mindfully walk & find inner peace throughout the Chicago area. So, here are some of our therapists’ other favorite places to practice mindfulness in the Chicago, IL area:

Forest Preserves of Cook County

• Feature over 350 miles of paved and unpaved trails and 70,000 acres of wild and preserved land.

• Walk along the trail, and tune into your senses. What does it sound like, are there any birds nearby, what does it smell like, do you see any flowers, what do your feet feel like on the trail?

• These locations also include trails for walking and biking

• The lagoons are lovely to look at and great for kayaking, fishing, and canoeing (rentals available)

• Some of these trails are dog-friendly trails to bring your four-legged friend along

• Picnic tables are available for an outdoor meal

• Birds, deer, and other wildlife nearby- maybe try your hand at some photography.

Lake Michigan

• Walk alongside the lake, and notice the temperature change, the breeze, and the sand. What does it smell like, and what do the waves sound like?

• Kayaks and paddleboards available for rental

• Some local beaches may offer yoga or various forms of exercise on the beach; check-in in with your town to see what it has to offer.

• Mindfully play in the sand, notice the texture, how the sand changes when mixed with water, and watch the hand fall between your fingers.

The Chicago Botanic Garden

• Walk around and explore the many different gardens of the Chicago Botanic Garden. This year the Chicago Botanic Garden is celebrating 50 years and is featuring a variety of garden exhibits for individuals to explore.

• 28 gardens and four natural areas on 385 acres, consisting of nine different islands.

• Take classes, stroll the property, or sit on a bench and take in these gardens' sights, smells, sounds, and even tastes. 

Counseling Services in Northbrook, IL

Mindfulness can have a huge impact on a person’s mental health. Still, you may sometimes need more support in the form of a professional counselor or therapist. If you are feeling overwhelmed or need help working through some of life's challenges, please reach out for counseling services. If you live in the state of Illinois, our Winnetka & Chicago based therapists would love to help. Our teen therapists believe in providing evidence based therapy and often incorporate mindfulness into counseling sessions, particularly if you share that you are making efforts to practice mindfulness on your own.

If you are ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started:

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Begin working toward better mental health!

Other Mental Health Services in Illinois

Our therapists offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family focusing on providing evidence based care including incorporating mindfulness as well as other effective therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and EMDR. addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, teen counseling, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more. Because we offer online therapy and in person therapy in Northbrook, IL we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois and the Northshore of Chicago. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.

So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for.

How to be an LGBTQIA+ ally: Tips from a Queer-Affirming Therapist in Chicago, IL

Every individual person holds many different identities, and it is likely that someone in your life identifies with the LGBTQIA+ community. Despite the increased support for the LGBTQIA+ community in recent years, members of this group still face barriers and discrimination in many aspects of their lives.

What does LGBTQIA+ mean?

The acronym LGBTQIA+ stands for all sexualities and gender identities, such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, queer, intersex, asexual, pansexual, and allies. While the message of this phrase is meant to include all sexual identities and the wide-scale of gender fluidity, it is understood that no one term cannot encompass all the individuals who challenge social norms and the experiences they hold. Therefore, terms that best describe each person’s romantic, sexual, or gender identity continue to be created and shared across this community. 

What does it mean to be an ally?

Generally, an ally is a person or group that provides assistance and support in an ongoing way. An LGBTQIA+ ally is responsible for helping the members of a community to feel supported, included, and advocated for. As an ally, you must continuously work to learn more about individuals in the community and understand both their shared and unique experiences. This knowledge aids allies in their actions to address barriers and fight for equality and justice. 

How to be an LGBTQIA+ ally

Listen, learn and educate yourself

• Do your own research on the history of this community

• Don’t rely on the people of this community to educate you

• Remain up to date on trending terms and current slang

• Confirm the correct use of these words

Language Matters

• Always use a person’s preferred name and pronouns

• If you don’t know, ask in a respectful manner

• Apologize and acknowledge when you mess up

• Own up to your mistakes

Do not make assumptions

• Never assume an individual’s sex, gender, or orientation

•  If you’re unsure, use neutral terms and ask if appropriate

• Determine where and when an individual is comfortable using their chosen name and pronouns

•  If you’re unsure, ask if appropriate

Show your support

• Speak up if anti-LGBTQIA statements are made around you

• Explain how the statement is offensive and harmful

• Speak up about the harm of gatekeeping for trans folx

• Confront any forms of oppression that you become aware of

• Correct others if they misgender someone

• Challenge stereotypes that you come across

Show your Interest

• Ask appropriate questions about LGBTQIA+ people’s lived experiences

• Remind the person they don’t need to share if they aren’t comfortable

• Make sure these are done in a safe space and remain confidential

• These conversations should be with people you have established relationships with already

You Don’t Need to be an Expert to be an Ally

It is okay to not know everything about the LGBTQIA+ community, but it is important to continue to learn how you, as an ally, can best support those who identify as part of this community. Remember to always be sensitive, open-minded, and accepting when addressing the experiences of LGBTQIA+ people. If you would like more information on the ways that you can become an LGBTQIA+ ally, here are a few additional resources:

PFLAG Guide to Being an Ally

The ABCs of L.G.B.T.Q.I.A.+

Being an LGBTQ Ally

Safe Zone Project

Here at Obsidian Counseling, we love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. If you ever need help or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact us.

Begin LGTBQIA+ Therapy in Chicago, IL today

At our Chicago, IL area therapy practice, we are honored to provide space and a supportive environment for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer or questioning individuals. We provide LGBTQIA+ therapy services for youth, adolescents, young adults and college students, and adults. Get started with these steps:

1. Fill out a consult form here.

2. Meet with an LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist.

3. Start authentically connecting with yourself and living life to the fullest!

OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS

When you work with an LGBTQIA+ therapist at Obsidian, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. Our team feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people in addressing anxiety, depression, trauma, and work stress. Additionally, we value the unique experiences of highly sensitive people and young adults and are happy to help them find balance in their lives. We hope that you take the leap to begin your healing journey with our team of specialized therapists whether online or in-person at our Chicago, IL-based counseling practice.

Staying Sane When the View Never Changes: Handling Family Life During Quarantine

One of the unexpected side effects of living in prolonged quarantine is the upending of family norms, family schedule, and even family tolerance of each other.  Families are currently stuck in a perpetual present absent of future planning and absent of private space.  Even in homes without enough rooms for each member to claim their own, the truth is there is little day-to-day variety including seeing other people outside of family members.  Or at the very least, being away from family members long enough to miss them such as after a day of work or school.

 As a result tensions rise, patience gets thin, and even the way someone sneezes can become unaccountably annoying.  So what can families do to help each other keep peace and stay sane while we continue to isolate for everyone’s safety?

 Parents

The good news is, children and teens are versatile and adaptable and really can thrive in a variety of settings as long as good parenting and good family life is maintained.  Ways to help your teens and children are outlined below.  But for the parents, however, the uncertainty and fear on top of that bring to do right by your kids while maintaining safety, and structure and…is overwhelming.

1)    This is a different type of situation that may call for a different kind of parent.

 That’s okay.

 2)    This is a different type of situation that may turn you into a different kind of parent.  

 That’s okay, too.

3)    Maintain aspects of your normal routine. 

 While they may argue to the contrary, children feel safer when they have a routine.  Routines are predictable and thus not as scary.  Keeping things predictable can lessen fear for children and remind parents there are things they can control.  Not everything about your normal routine can be maintained during this time, of course, but maintaining the same bed times, meal times, and chore times gives everyone a firm base to stand on.  Keep it simple.

4)    Take care of yourself/selves

 This means try to eat healthy, try to exercise (a walk around the block is great), and try to get enough sleep.  Find ways to decompress and take breaks.  If you have another adult in the family or older children, take turns watching the little ones so everyone can have some off time.

 5)    Make time for yourself/selves

 Private adult time is more important now than ever. Take time to talk with each other.  Date night can even still happen. I am a personal fan of The Art of Manliness’s “18 At-Home Date Ideas.”

 6)    Breathe! And assess

 While it sounds clichéd taking deep breathes is physiologically and psychologically beneficial.  If you are feeling overwhelmed or especially stressed out or just hit the “freak out” nerve, take a few deep breathes (having a private cry is also acceptable) and ask yourself a) Are we in immediate danger? B) How am I going to feel about this problem tomorrow? C) Is this situation permanent?

 And if by “this situation” you mean the quarantine and the pandemic – no.  It is not permanent. It is not the “new normal.” It will end.

Families with Children

 Children rely on their parents for a sense of safety both emotionally and physically.  It can be hard to know what to say when you yourself are also feeling scared and uncertain.  As the quarantine continues you may be noticing your children are having new emotional outbursts and behavioral problems that were not there before.  Remember, children do not have the brain development to fully perceive what they are feeling, the words to fully express it, nor the insight to identify cause and effect between their environment and their emotions.

1)    First of all, be patient.

A lot to ask, I know.

2)    Address your children’s fears

 Answer your children’s questions about the pandemic simply and honestly.  It is okay to say people are getting sick.  Just follow it up with how rules like handwashing, mask wearing, and staying home help to keep the family and their friends safe.

 3)    Acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings

 Children always want to feel heard, and now more than ever.  You can absolutely say to your child “I can see that you are angry because you can’t have a friend over.  It really stinks, doesn’t it?”  Or if you do not know what has caused the behavior you can also say “Yeah, things are hard, aren’t they?  Let’s figure out together what’s making you so sad right now,” and then whatever it is validate it.

Remember, validation should not be followed with “yes, but.”  For example, “I know you’re sad because you wanted to play the game, but we have to share.”  Instead, saying something like “I know you’re sad because you wanted to play the game.  Can you help me find an answer that will help everyone?”  This is validating and it also empowers your child to be part of the solution.

4)    Tell your child before you leave the house

 In a calm and reassuring tone tell you child where you are going, how long you will be gone, when you except to return, and what safety steps you are taking.

School-age children have a solid understanding of death and its permanence but they may not have a full understanding of diseases and microscopic organisms. For some children, Covid-19 may seem a ghostly and unseen threat that can whisk their loved ones away to the hospital.  Therefore, let your children know rather than “disappearing.”  Even a teen can benefit from a text message or a note on the kitchen table.

5)    Just give them hugs.

Maybe your child is just too inconsolable to help you find a solution.  Maybe your child is going along just fine.  Either way, times are scary and extra hugs and “I love yous” can go a long way.

Families with Teens

 Social isolation is particularly difficult for teenagers.  Developmentally they are hardwired to be supremely focused on their peers.  While this can be aggravating (questions about bridges and jumping come to mind) it is actually healthy behavior.  What then can be done for these young people who are naturally peer-focused but denied meaningful access to them?

1)    Share information about the pandemic and quarantine honestly

 Be calm and factual in order to help ease your teen’s concerns.  Discuss facts as they become available and be sure to correct and misinformation that you may hear.  Reiterate the importance of safety protocols such as hand washing and wearing masks in public.  

It is also not a bad idea to limit your teen’s consumption of news media if they are consuming hours of content. As an anxiety response they may be searching for an expert or authority that will say the magic words that will calm them.  Or they may be trying to control their situation by consuming all of the information so they are extra prepared.

2)    Stress staying home saves lives

The longer the quarantine goes on the antsier teens are going to get.  Review the importance of social distancing as a way to slow the spread of the virus and protect everyone.  Be sure to emphasize there is “no cheating” on the safety rules and that is it not okay to hang out with friends or engage in outdoor sports or gatherings.

3)    Be on the lookout for increased depression and suicide risk

 Talk with your teen about how they are feeling through all this.  Yes, that can be like pulling teeth in the best of times.  Watch for signs that your teen is struggling and may need extra support whether that is from you, another family member, or a mental health professional.  Most therapists, including Obsidian Counseling, are conducting virtual video sessions.

Increases in depression can be expected in anyone during this time, and this is particularly true for adolescents who are not able to enact their peer-focused developmental mission.  If your teen has a history of depression and/or suicide risk be particularly vigilant.

4)    Risky times call for risky behaviors

 This is always a risk with teens.  The same factors that may cause an increase in depression in your teen may also cause an increase in desire for risky behaviors.  Talk with your teen about how this is an especially important time to avoid vaping or smoking, for example.  Medical experts have warned that these habits can harm lung health and immune function, which means a potentially increased risk for COVID-19 infection.

5)    Make dinner a coming together time.

 It can be a conversational time “My favorite part of today was…,” “Today I am grateful for…,” or a time to share a quiet moment.  Dinner is a classic transitional time for the ending of the day and the beginning of the evening and winding down time.  Even if you have a sulky teen sharing company with others, even silently, is beneficial.

6)    Be generous with “private time.”

It is completely normal for teens to want more privacy away from their families.  Even if they are not up to mischief.  Given your teen(s) space for quiet time, music time, YouTube time, friend time, etc. 

 Teens are particularly keyed in to virtual spaces.  Encourage virtual hangouts with their friends whether it is FaceTime, Zoom, gaming platforms, or hobby based websites like Discord, which is a chat service for gamers.  

 If you have a gamer teen or a social media teen now may not be a bad time to ease any time limits or restrictions as they can connect and interact with their friends through online games or social media such as SnapChat.  Assuming, of course, this has not been a point of difficulty in the past.

7)    Empower your teen through responsibilities at home.

I imagine if your teen reads that sentence they will come for my head.  Allow me to elaborate: routines have changed and everyone is stressed.  You may need some extra help in caring for younger siblings or keeping the house clean.  While your teen may want to stay in their room all day and night, talk with them about how they can help out the other adults in the house.

 Maybe they pick out a few dinners for the week, or even help plan and/or cook it.  Or they can teach their siblings a dance, or a fun game, or just chase them around the backyard while you take a long, hot shower.

 Being asked to step forward to help the other adults (none of this “pull your weight” or “act your age” nonsense) can be empowering for teens.  Instead of “pull your weight” or “act your age” try “I could really use another pair of competent hands” or “I know you’d rather being doing X, but can I grab 20 minutes of your time?”

Everything about this quarantine is difficult.  If you have questions, concerns, or think you or a family member would benefit from talking to a mental health professional please do not hesitate to reach out to us here at Obsidian Counseling & Wellness.  We are offering video/ “telehealth” sessions to keep everyone safe during this time.

Common But Often UNKNOWN Symptoms of Quarantine Stress and Trauma

Being quarantined in our homes for an unknown length of time has been a unique and particular struggle for everyone.  It has required reordering and rethinking our day and taking on additional responsibilities we had never intended.  This is the top worry - the safety of all of our loved ones.

 As a result many, many people are experiencing symptoms of acute stress and trauma and do not know it.  Social media is full of people questioning and bemoaning their lack of progress on projects and even daily chores.  This is because, for many, this is the first time they are experiencing a major traumatic situation.  As a result they do not recognize their behaviors and thoughts for what they are: mental health symptoms.

Common Symptoms of Stress & Trauma Experienced During Quarantine

 Below are some of the most commonly experienced but least recognized symptoms that I have seen people experiencing during this quarantine.  

 If you recognize any of these in yourself or a loved one, please remember this: there is nothing wrong with you! Your brain is doing its absolute best to take care of you.  

1)    Memory loss and memory issues

 Short term memory can be particularly affected.  Memory issues can also include a distorted sense of time wherein time can either crawl or rush past you.

2)    Executive Dysfunction

 The best description I’ve heard for executive dysfunction is “brain buffering.”  You may find yourself thinking of absolutely nothing while at the same time trying to remember what you were just doing.  It can also look like saying to yourself, “I need to get up and do that dishes” and then just sitting there and sitting there while thinking, “Just get up and do the dishes!”  There’s no identifiable reason why you are not getting up.  You just aren’t.

3)    Inability to Make Even Small Decisions

This relates to executive dysfunction and is regularly accomplished by distress or frustration when a person tries to force themselves to make the decision.

4)    “Forgetting” Activities of Daily Living

 Activities of Daily Living (ADLs) are things like eating, showering, putting on clean clothes, using the toilet, etc.  What is actually going on is you’re likely not perceiving the cues from your body asking for these things.  As a result you are “forgetting” to take care of yourself because you are not picking up on the reminders that you’re hungry, or need the bathroom, or really should shower.

5)    Confusion or Brain Fog

 This can also be accompanied by slight dizziness or balance issues.

 6)    Sleep issues

This one is incredibly common.  A person may be sleeping too much or too little, or struggle to fall asleep or stay asleep.  Unspecific bad dreams and nightmares can also happen during times of trauma or acute stress.

 7)    Stomach and food-related issues

 Like sleeping issues a person may begin eating too much or too little.  A person may feel nauseous all the time.  A person can also have no interest in food even when they know they are hungry.

8)    Dissociation

Dissociation is feeling like there is a glass, a film, or a barrier between you and everything else.  Or, between you and your own body. This disconnection happens to stop the trauma memories/thoughts and to lower your fear, anxiety, and shame.

9)    Intrusive Thoughts

These are loops of, usually, bad thoughts.  If you have found yourself thinking the same negative thoughts over and over again, even when you try to think about other things then you are trapped into what is a negative feedback loop.  

Intrusive thoughts can also take the form of negative spiraling thoughts; wherein the first thought might not be too bad but before you know it you have come to the absolute worst case scenario you can possibly imagine.

10) Shortness of breath and heart palpitations

These symptoms are frequently mistaken for a heart attack but are actually common indicators of anxiety or a panic attack.  If you have any doubts, however, call 911.

11)  Auditory Processing Issues

This is experienced as watching someone speak (or listening to music/watching TV) but being unable to understand what they said even if you hear them clearly.

This may be watching someone speak but being unable to understand what they said even if you hear them perfectly.  You may also struggle to separate the conversation you are having from the background noise of a TV or other conversation.

 12) Sounds and Sensations are More Irritating than Normal

This encompasses all of your senses.  It could be forks scraping or birds chirping, or being touched, or feeling a scratchy fabric, or even the sound of silence.  Your brain struggles to fully function until the sound stops.  This can also be recognized by an instant reaction of distress, discomfort, or even anger that is out of proportion to the sensation.

If you are now wondering what you can do about these symptoms below are are links from the Department of Veteran Affairs that provide tips on how to help yourself and loved ones during this time:

Managing Stress Associated with the COVID-19 Virus Outbreak

Helpful Thinking During the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Outbreak

Tips for Providing Support to Others During the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Outbreak

Of course, you can also reach out to a mental health professional.  Many of us are offering video or “telehealth” online counseling sessions during the quarantine.  The thearpists here at Obsidian Counseling & Wellness are ready and eager to help you.