Tackling the Sunday Scaries: Helping Parents and Kids Beat the Back-to-School Blues
Learn how to tackle the Sunday Scaries for both parents and kids. Discover practical strategies to ease anxiety, create calming routines, and prepare for the week ahead. Support your family’s mental health with expert tips and advice.
Ah, the Sunday Scaries—the dreaded feeling that creeps up as the weekend winds down and the reality of Monday morning sets in. If you're a parent, you know this anxiety isn’t just yours; your kids might be feeling it too, especially with school in full swing. My little one has been struggling with the Sunday Scaries since preschool.
You know the feeling: your anxiety kicks in, making your stomach do flip-flops, your hands sweat, or worse, the endless thoughts about how bad the next day will be.
What Are the Sunday Scaries?
The 'Sunday Scaries' refer to intense feelings of anxiety and dread that typically arise every Sunday. They often start in the late afternoon and last into the evening, though for some, depending on their anxiety levels, these feelings can begin as soon as they wake up.
Physical sensations can include:
Racing heart
Stomach upset
Trouble sleeping
Sweating
Difficulty breathing
Headache
For adults, tackling these feelings can feel overwhelming. You might even think, "Maybe I should take a day—or a week—off work just to avoid this."
Similarly, for kids, this anxiety can lead to something called school refusal, where the thought of going to school becomes so overwhelming they just can’t face it. But don’t worry—there are ways to tackle the Sunday Scaries together and help everyone look forward to the week ahead.
What Is School Refusal?
School refusal isn’t just about not wanting to go to school. For some kids, anxiety about school becomes so intense that they refuse to go altogether. This can lead to missed days, falling behind in class, and even more anxiety. It’s crucial to address these feelings early to prevent bigger issues down the road.
3 Ways to Beat the Sunday Scaries for Parents and Kids
So, how can you help both yourself and your kids calm those Sunday jitters and maybe even start looking forward to the week? Here are three simple strategies:
Create a Sunday Evening Routine
Wind Down Together: Establish a relaxing Sunday routine to ease into the week. Watch a family movie, play a board game, or read together. Shared time shifts the focus away from Monday’s worries. If the Sunday Scaries start earlier, plan a peaceful, predictable day. Make breakfast together, go for a walk, or enjoy nature.Prepare for the Week Ahead
Involve the Kids: Help reduce school anxiety by preparing for the week on Sunday evening. Organize backpacks, pick outfits, and review the schedule. Knowing what to expect eases fear, and it helps you feel more organized too! Try adding a fun touch, like sending transitional notes with them.Leave Space for Feelings
Highlight the Good & Acknowledge the Scary: Spend a few minutes discussing how your kids feel about the week ahead. Talking about something they’re looking forward to, like seeing friends or a favorite teacher, can help shift their mindset. Start a “What I’m Excited About” list. Also, give them room to share their fears. Sometimes, they just need to talk—without expecting a solution.
Helping You & Your Child with the Sunday Scaries
If you or your child are struggling with the Sunday Scaries, approach it with patience and understanding. Start by openly discussing what’s really bothering you. Share your thoughts with a partner or friend, and encourage your child to do the same. If needed, reach out to their teacher, school counselor, or a private counselor for extra support. Obsidian Counseling & Wellness is here to help you or your child manage the Sunday Scaries. Contact us today to start your counseling support.
Remember, the Sunday Scaries are common for both parents and kids, but they don’t have to ruin your weekend. By creating calming routines, preparing for the week ahead, and allowing space for feelings, you can ease the anxiety and maybe even start looking forward to what’s coming next. Here’s to making Mondays a little brighter!
What Depression Looks Like In Teens & Young Adults
The transition period between being a child and becoming an adult can be nerve-racking. You may start to feel pressure from new responsibilities but are still being treated as a child by adults in your life. Major life changes or transitions can make you feel lost, and you may experience feeling or emotions you never felt before. Sometimes, this can even cause teenage depression.
Depression is one of the most common mental illnesses in young adults or teens. Symptoms of young adults’ depression may look different than when mental illness occurs later in life. Sadness or feeling like you need help is nothing to be ashamed about. Nearly 11% of young adults will experience depression. While that may not seem like a high percentage, one out of every ten young adults will be diagnosed with depression at some point. It may feel like you must fight this battle alone, or no one else knows how you feel, but people understand and want to help.
Although “depression” is a word commonly used in our social vocabulary it is a catch all word to describe/infer several distinct types of depression which, consist of various differing symptoms. Below are some of the more commonly understood depressive disorders and others that may not be as well known:
6 Types of depression
Major depression disorder
sadness occurring within a two-week period where functioning has significantly changed from previous levels. You may notice a loss of interest or pleasure and feelings of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, changes in weight (loss or gain), changes in sleep patterns (more or less), and poor concentration.
Persistent Depressive disorder
symptoms of depression (as listed above) that last for at least one year in adolescents and two years in young adults.
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder
in the majority of menstrual cycles a week before menses feeling suddenly sad, increased sensitivity to rejection, irritability, tearfulness, anxiety, and lethargy. The symptoms start to improve within a few days after the onset of menses or become minimal or absent post-menses.
Substance/Medication-Induced Depressive Disorder
mood changes as a result of substance intoxication.
Perinatal Depression
a depression that is triggered by physical and hormonal changes during and after pregnancy.
Seasonal Affective Disorder/SEASONAL DEPRESSION
suffering from symptoms of depression during the winter months or when there is a decrease in natural sunlight.
Causes of young adult depression
There is no one cause of depression. However, we know that young adults and teens are faced with many life changes, like moving away from home for the first time or struggling with your identity. The life adjustments can lead to increased level of stress which can manifest into feelings of sadness, isolation, and loneliness. It is typical for anyone to experience "low" or "off" days. However, when these feelings persist, it can cause concern that there is something else going on. Often in adolescence and young adulthood, depression does not work alone. Other mental illnesses like anxiety or OCD may be diagnosed in tangent, which can worsen symptoms.
Adolescents that identify in the LGBTQ+ community are at an even higher risk of suffering from depression. In a 2022 national survey by The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ youths reported experiencing symptoms of depression 58% of the time, and 45% had contemplated suicide this year. Challenges with depression may be due to oppression and discrimination at school or home. Teens in this community often do not feel heard or accepted for who they are or may not even feel safe enough to show their identity.
Adolescents who are frequently on social media may also be at a higher risk for developing depression. Social media presents an unrealistic version of people’s lives and teens looking at social media may feel like their lives are not as cool or fun. From 2010 to 2017, the rate of depression in adolescents increased by 57%. During this time, the rise of social media and influencers was also very prominent.
Common Symptoms of Depression
Everyone experiences depression differently, but there are common symptoms you may notice in yourself or others.
Anxiety
Sudden irritation or anger
Difficulty concentrating
Memory and decision
Loss of interest in activities or hobbies
Changes in sleep
Changes in appetite
A feeling of sadness or worthlessness.
Lack of energy
Aches, pains, stomach issues- depression can often manifest into physical problems.
Thoughts of self-harm and/or suicide
Symptoms of depression often work together. For example, if you are struggling with making decisions, like deciding where you want to go to eat, feelings of anxiety may arise. This anxiety may lead to simply not wanting to eat at all. Or a lack of energy and inability to get up in the morning may happen because you were restless the night before or felt like you did not need to sleep.
Depression symptoms experienced by teens are also different than symptoms experienced by adults. Adults are more prone to experience insomnia and are often sad or withdrawn. Teens with depression may experience irritability or anger. They also may begin to lose interest in afterschool activities, or their grades may significantly change. It’s important to recognize the differences between depression at different stages in life because it may help explain the sudden changes in someone’s behavior.
How therapy can help
The right counselor will help identify what type of depression you are experiencing and help you work through your experience. A counselor uses various techniques that can help alleviate the symptoms.
A common approach to treating depression is talk therapy. Talk therapy is done by talking to your counselor about your whats going on in your life. Your counselor may provide you with tools to help you work through problems or roadblocks you may be experiencing.
Asking for help or looking for treatment is challenging. But all it takes is one step. If you or your teen is experiencing symptoms of depression, it is essential to reach out to get the help you need.
DEPRESSION THERAPY FOR TEENS AND YOUNG ADULTS IN CHICAGO, IL
Here at Obsidian, our therapists love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. Therefore, at our Chicago, IL, area therapy practice, we offer evidence based mental health services for adolescents struggling with depression and more. Additionally, we offer yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. Lastly, it’s also important to note that our therapists are LGBTQIA+ affirming.
BEGIN THERAPY FOR DEPRESSION WITH A SKILLED THERAPIST
So, if you are ready to begin therapy and looking for a therapist who can use truly evidence based practice in counseling sessions, we can help. Please, take the steps below to get started with in person or online therapy sessions.
Fill out a contact form or by calling our counseling practice at (224) 255-4411.
Begin therapy sessions with a skilled teen therapist.
Start you depression and creating a life you desire.
You deserve to find true healing. Going to therapy is never easy, but it absolutely can help and you working with a therapist using evidence based practice gives you the best possible route to feeling better. So, don’t stay stuck where you are right now. Reach out for support. Our therapists are here to help.
8 Signs of a Highly Sensitive Person; Are You One?
Have you ever been told “you are too sensitive”, “stop overthinking”, “why do you cry so much” or “toughen up”? You could be one in the 15-20% of the population who identify as highly sensitive people/person (HSP).
Sensitivity also has a cultural aspect to it. In cultures where sensitivity is mocked, these negative messages can make HSPs have low self-esteem and made to feel like there is something wrong with them.
A highly sensitive person is someone who has an increased or deeper central system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli. Being highly sensitive is not a disorder or a diagnosis. It is a personality trait and an innate temperament of a person like being an extrovert. The term highly sensitive person was first coined by Elaine and Arthur Aron in the mid 1990’s.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE AN HSP?
This trait can look different in everyone but if you have these common characteristics, you could be an HSP:
You avoid violent movies or TV shows because you feel them to be too intense and they leave you feeling unsettled
You are deeply moved by beauty, be it classical music, art, nature or even a kind action
You are easily overwhelmed by sensory stimuli like loud noises, bright lights, strong scents, or even uncomfortable clothing
You often have a need for downtime after hectic or overstimulated busy days
You feel an abundance of joy and excitement but can also be overcome by extreme sadness or disappointment
You are attuned to the atmosphere in the room and are quick to notice minute changes in the mood of your family, friends, and coworkers.
You tend to beat yourself up when you fall short of self-imposed expectations.
WHAT CAUSES HIGH SENSITIVITY
Evolution has shown that this trait has its purpose in the survival of the human species. Having people in a group or community who are sensitive and observant to subtle changes whether it be weather related or in the moods of the people around them can help resolve problems early on. Having an HSP in a business or an organization can be incredibly beneficial for the same reasons because they are on the lookout for potential risks or threats.
High sensitivity is also hereditary. Research suggests that a high presence of a certain kind of dopamine receptors (involved in arousal and anxiety modulation) affects personality, making those individuals more prone to high sensitivity.
Additionally, a person’s genes may evolve in response to negative childhood experiences like neglect and trauma making them more susceptible to becoming an HSP.
HSPs CAN BE MISTAKEN FOR
Highly sensitive people can be confused for other personality traits and mental conditions, of which the most common include:
Introvertism - HSPs and introverts are easily overwhelmed by social stimuli, but HSPs are also affected by other sensory factors like lights and sounds
ADHD – though HSPs and people with ADHD have an over responsiveness to stimuli, HSPs do not show any cognitive impairment such as trouble focusing
Autism – because of their response to sensory information, HSPs can be mistaken for people with autism. A key difference between the two is that individuals with autism can be hyposensitive or hypersensitive.
THE SUPERPOWERS A HSP POSSESS And ADVANTAGES OF BEING AN HSP
The characteristics of HSPs can create feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious about the world but they can also add a lot of richness and complexity to their inner lives too. HSPs have a greater ability to listen and affirm, a greater empathy and intuitiveness, and a better understanding of wants and needs of others. Being an HSP can offer strengths in relationships and in-depth processing of information.
HOW CAN THERAPY HELP
If you are tired of being overwhelmed and frustrated with yourself because of these characteristics, therapy can help greatly. For many highly sensitive people emotional immunity and sensory immunity strategies to calm and alleviate overstimulation can be key. Another key superpower of being an HSP is they are better able to benefit from psychological interventions, such as counseling. They are better attuned to their feelings. So, therapy can support you in understanding who you are with compassion and caring and also challenge you to explore your inner strengths. You can add tools to your back pocket that can help you such as:
Help you set up a soothing and calm space
Help you find work-life balance
Believe in yourself and your trait
Reframe your childhood
Heal from past and present experiences
Enjoy life more
Be more relaxed
Help you focus on your goals
Add focused positivity to your life
Help you have better relationships
Develop boundaries so you can avoid stressors
Consider Counseling for Highly Sensitive People in CHICAGO, IL
Self-care and mental health are connected: being a highly sensitive person may become too overwhelming that it may be hard to overcome on your own. In this case, it may be helpful to seek counseling. That’s why the Aparna Bhaskaran and our other online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL, offer therapy directed at increasing your mindfulness and stress busting strategies in Illinois via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home. Take the steps below to get started.
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!
OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people address anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We also specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.
5 Tips for Parents To Ease Back To School Anxiety from a Parent Counselor
It always feels like summer just started, whether its on the last day of school or the last week before school reopens. Living in Chicago, we go through the grueling 7, 8 maybe even 9 months of winter, knowing that summer will be waiting with open arms, with the warm lake Michigan’s breeze, lush lawns, beautiful flowers (especially at the Chicago Botanic Gardens), music and art festivals, hikes and so many things.
We also know that the end of summer brings the return to routine: the start of school, a year of learning and growing, of after-school activities, Fall Ball games, tutors and the mad rush of juggling work, home, and kids’ activities.
So as August rolls around, it is only natural to feel a sense of urgency to soak in every bit of sun and fun. As the weather turns we may find ourselves with a little sadness realizing that we (the kids especially) have grown up a tad bit more.
Back To School Anxiety
The anticipation of getting back to school can trigger an uptick in anxiety in children. If your child comes to you with, ‘Do I HAVE to go to school?’ or ‘Can I just stay home with you?’, know that these questions are normal. Changed and adjustment from summer mode to school mode can be really challenging for all of us. Given that we are still struggling with the aftermath of a pandemic and other such social uncertainties and the overwhelming impact it has had on our mental health, some extra anxiety among children can be expected.
WHAT IS ANXIETY, Again?
Anxiety is a common human emotion of fear, worry and apprehension about what is to come. It is not indicative of any underlying condition or disorder. It can be mild and fleeting or severe and debilitating.
A certain amount of anxiety that is proportionate to the situation you are in can have a positive impact. It is hardwired into our brains (hello, neurons) and helps us be alert and aware so we can detect and attend to threats and avoid danger. These warning properties of anxiety help us focus on important details when making life-changing decisions such as buying a home, interviewing for a new job, or deciding to move to a new city. Do we mull over these choices, playing out every scenario and listing out pros and cons? Yes! That’s our anxiety and it makes us feel secure in our choices afterwards. Imagine feeling no anxiety. You would sift through these decisions with minimal considerations and might end up missing some important detail.
Anxiety can also be a motivation booster and can enhance performance. Research shows that school athletes who have a little anxiety do better at their sporting events. This is due to the surge in adrenaline and the action of the sympathetic nervous system that gets our heart pumping and pushes us to do our very best.
However, some of us find it hard to control our anxiety and it becomes second nature to us. Always feeling on edge and keyed up with worrying thoughts can affect daily life and can be draining.
HOW DOES ANXIETY SHOW UP IN KIDS?
Anxiety does not discriminate on the basis of age. It can be seen in people ranging from infancy to adulthood.
Back to school anxiety is common and understandable. It is familiar and age old, that is a rite of passage for every school-going kid and their parent(s). Even the most easy-going kid has some butterflies in their stomach on the first day of school. Be it the transition from summer to school, starting school for the first time, a new school, absence of a friend in class, past experiences with a bully, etc., young children have a lot on their minds. Teens worry about navigating peer and group friendships, romantic relationships, an increase in workload and academic expectations, to name just a few.
Some children get over these anxious concerns fairly quickly as they settle into a routine and make friends, while others struggle a little more. As a parent, you can look for signs to gauge if your child needs additional help to better understand and support them in this transition.
WHAT DOES A PARENT COUNSELOR RECOMMEND YOU LOOK FOR?
Anxiety can take on different faces, making it complex to identify. It can be easier to identify in a nervous or clingy child, a child who needs constant reassurance, or in a child who starts having trouble with bedwetting. Other times, it can be hard to identify or pinpoint because it looks like something else altogether. Some of the signs, you and teachers can look out for are:
Inattention:
Very often, fidgetiness and squirminess are jotted down as symptoms of ADHD. But an anxious child can display these very same phenomena as a result of their worried thoughts, making it hard for them to concentrate in class.
Disruptive behavior:
When children are feeling anxious and don’t know how to regulate their emotions, the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that controls stress responses, automatically gets activated. This releases hormones that prepare the body for a flight or fight response. So, when a child is anxious in school, it can show up as aggressiveness such as picking fights, throwing tantrums or breaking things.
Falling behind on homework:
Anxious children are often very self-critical. They doubt their abilities and are scared to be judged by their peers and/or their teachers. As a result, they don’t want to turn in their homework and/or can fall behind on their schoolwork. This behavior can sometimes be mistaken for laziness or disinterest.
Falling sick often:
Anxiety can cause an increased heart rate, sweatiness of the palms and shortness of breath. It can also present as a bunch of symptoms that affect our physical body, perhaps not as obviously as the ones listed above. If a child is having unexplained headaches, upset stomach, muscle soreness and/or nausea, these could be symptoms of anxiety.
TIPS FOR PARENTS FROM A PARENT COUNSELOR
As parents, you can help ease your children into the new school year. Encouraging them to share their thoughts about what troubles them and validating them is a great way to keep the door open for future conversations. Some children will be ready to share every minute detail of their day with you, while others will answer in monosyllables or single-word responses. Either way, they are taking it in and listening to you. You are showing them that you are there for them and are ready to have discussions on feelings and emotions.
A few strategies that have proved useful for me have been:
Preparing for the new school routine:
Summer times call for movie nights, beach trips and late bedtimes. For young children, talking about the start of the school year a few weeks prior and preparing them for the upcoming routine can help. Think about using a ‘social story’ which allows you use story telling to walk them through what they should expect during the first day of school. It may sound something like this:
Tomorrow morning you will wake up for school. You may feel different feelings. I will walk into your room and say good morning to you and give you a big hug! You will then go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, have some eggs for breakfast and we walk together to school.
When we get to school, your teacher will say hello to you and you will sit with your friends on the lawn until everyone is ready to go inside together. Then, you will spend the day learning in your classroom, have lunch, and soon enough I will be back at 3:00 p.m. to pick you up from school.
You can include any information you want in the social story. You can even include information about bathroom breaks during school, cafeteria chaos, standing in lunch lines, and packing up for dismissal in the social story.
Additionally, we start going to bed at the time we would on a ‘school night’. Less sleep can cause crankiness and increase vulnerability to anxiety. A few weeks before school starts, we visit the school a few times and talk about school bus schedules, pickups, and after-school activities. We slowly start ‘screen withdrawal’ a few days before start of school.
Being positive:
We talk about the things we miss about school – favorite teachers, PE classes, art activities and playground time. We go shopping for school supplies together and maybe get a new lunch bag or school bag and pick out a back-to-school outfit. These activities can help kids focus on exciting things to look forward to that are associated with school.
Connecting with friends:
Assure your kids that they are not alone. Their friends are probably ‘nervous-excited’ too about the start of school.
We try to meet with a couple of friends at a playground the week before school starts to help them get back in touch with each other. The first day back to school can be a great day to meet other parents in your child’s class and to exchange phone numbers to set up future playdates.
Extra TLC the first few weeks:
The first few weeks back at school is hard for most kids. We get ice cream or have a picnic in our backyard to celebrate the first day of school. We can help our kids transition smoothly by having a parent or a family member be home when they are done with school in the initial days, to talk about all the things that happened at school.
Most Importantly- Being kind to yourself:
Back to school can be taxing and exhausting for parents as well. Take some time for self-care and relax. When your child sees a calm and smiling parent, waiting to hear all about their day, it can help ease their anxiety. But also remember that it is natural to feel frustrated and anxious yourself when dealing with a child, who is throwing a tantrum or refusing to listen. Reminding ourselves that these can be signs of anxiety and stepping away from the situation to practice some mindful breathing can model calming behaviors to our children.
SCHOOL ANXIETY IN MIDDLE- AND HIGH SCHOOLERS
In addition to the stressors that elementary school-aged children face, preteens and teens have the added stress of knowing what is happening in the broader world through social media. The number of thoughts that these young people deal with while carving out and coming into their own identities is many. Anxiety in this age group can be exhibited as challenging behaviors like rebellion, defying authority, skipping school or even self-harm.
We have a whole blog on how anxiety presents in teens, the strategies that will help them, and when to seek counseling.
WHEN TO START COUNSELING FOR PARENTS OR TEENS
Back-to-school anxiety should settle down after the first few weeks of the start of school. If it persists and starts to interfere with your child’s willingness and ability to participate in daily activities like going to school, extracurricular classes, sports, and other social relationships, it might be time to get some help for your child. Your pediatrician or school counselor can help find a mental health professional who specializes in childhood anxiety.
Thankfully, anxiety can be managed well when you and your child have the right coping tools in your back pocket. You don’t have to do it alone. There are plenty of resources available to support you and your child’s journey to wellness.
Teen and Parent Counseling Services in Chicago, IL
At Obsidian Counseling, we have experienced therapists who can help you and your child with combating these school stressors and helping in a path to recovery. We will be happy to answer any questions your family may have about counseling for anxiety.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or need help working through some of life's challenges, please reach out for counseling services. If you live in the state of Illinois, our Glencoe & Chicago-based therapists would love to help. Our therapists believe in providing evidence-based therapy with compassionate empathy and a nonjudgemental approach to sessions.
If you are ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started:
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
Begin working toward better mental health!
Other Mental Health Services in Illinois
Our therapists offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family focusing on providing evidence-based care including incorporating mindfulness as well as other effective therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and EMDR. addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, teen counseling, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more. Because we offer online therapy, we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.
So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for.
When Should a Teenager See a Therapist? And Should I Force My Teenager to Go to Therapy?
“Is my teenager experiencing typical stress levels or is it something more?”
“Teenagers are supposed to be moody and irritable, right?”
“Is my teen just overly dramatic?”
The answers to each of these questions are complicated since it can be very difficult to know whether your teenager is coping with their experiences in a healthy way or not. It is common for teenagers to face problems that negatively impact how they feel and act. Therapy can help improve your teenager’s self-concept, overall mood and confidence as they transition from adolescence into adulthood.
When Should a Teenager See a Therapist?
It can be very difficult to face the fact that your teenager needs help. Therapy can be beneficial for teenagers in a variety of ways. They will work with their therapist to learn to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively and become more self-aware. There are many issues that your teen’s therapist can help them to process:
Issues a Teen Therapist Can Help With
o Behavior problems
o Emotional struggles
o Mental health issues
o Substance abuse problems
o Heightened stress
o Relationship difficulties
o Traumatic experiences
If you are concerned about your teenager’s well-being, it is important to get them help as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the worse their issues could become. There are several warning signs that may indicate your teenager should seek out mental health treatment:
Warning Signs Your Teen May Have a Mental Health Problem
o Depressive symptoms such as constantly feeling sad, hopeless, fearful or anxious
o Abusing alcohol/drugs
o Anxiety or panic
o Decrease in school performance
o Sexual acting out
o Self-harm
o Changes in friends or activities
o Changes in sleeping/eating patterns
o Inappropriate anger
o Increasing defiance
o Withdrawing from family/friends
If you don’t notice these specific warning signs, but feel your teen needs counseling, do not be afraid to bring it up with them. Remember, you know your child best and may be the first person to observe shifts in their behaviors.
How to Bring Up Therapy with Your Teen
As a parent, it can be uncomfortable for both you and your teen to talk about seeking mental health treatment. Teenagers tend to be hesitant to go to therapy because they are worried what their peers will think or they may feel it is their parent’s way of punishing them. Reassure them that therapy is confidential and they can share as much or as little about their problems as they want. It is extremely important to frame therapy as a positive experience since parents can easily influence their children’s views.
Instead of telling your teen “You need therapy because you have thoughts about harming yourself”, say “Therapy is a safe space for you to express the harmful thoughts you have been experiencing. A therapist can help you create positive coping methods.”
Questions to Ask Your Teenager Related to Counseling and Mental Health
The following questions may also help to bring up the topic of mental health treatment with your teen:
“Are you feeling overwhelmed?”
“How can I best support you right now?”
“I don’t always know how to help you with problems, so I wonder if it would be helpful for you to talk to someone who works with teens?”
Sharing your own experiences with mental health and therapy can help to normalize their involvement and relieve any shame or embarrassment they may be holding toward their struggles.
Should I Force My Teen to Go to Therapy?
It is important that anyone who seek out mental health help is motivated to make progress and positive change in their life. Forcing your teen to go to therapy will not be productive for their treatment and may cause more harm than good. Teenagers need a sense of agency and to feel that they have a choice when it comes to their mental health treatment. You should always be sure to respect your child’s decision and continue to check in with them. There are some exceptions to allowing your teenager to decide if they will participate in treatment. If they are self-harming or suicidal, therapy is a necessary part of treatment, and if they are at risk of hurting themselves or others, call 911 or bring them to the emergency room.
My Teenager Refused Counseling, What Now?
Should your teen choose not to pursue therapy, there are still options that you can take advantage of that may help them:
Seek your own counseling
Parent training can teach you effective ways to help your teen
Speak to your teen’s school guidance counselor
Find out what services are available through your child’s school
Ask your teenager to consider going to a single counseling session before they make a decision
Give them a chance to experience what therapy has to offer before deciding if they want to continue treatment
Make sure they know that therapy is always an option
Be sure to keep the conversation surrounding therapy open and readily available should they change their mind
TEEN THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL
If you're looking for a teen therapist in Chicago, contact us today. Our teen therapists would be happy to answer any questions you have about the therapy process and help your teen (and your family) start the counseling process.
Our teen therapists believe in providing evidence-based therapy. This means that we truly want you to get the most out of counseling sessions. Therefore, our approach to therapy for teens is based on treatment methods that we know from research really do help people improve their mental health.
If you have an anxious teen ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started.
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with a teen therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
Watch your teenager grow and become the person they’re meant to be.
OTHER MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES IN ILLINOIS
We know families are complex. And sometimes, multiple members of your family need some support. The therapists at our Chicago-based counseling practice offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family. In addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more.
Because our thearpists offer telehealth, we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois. And, we have a variety of therapists who can work with teenagers. Additionally, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals as well as those who identify as a highly sensitive person.
How to Deal with Anxiety as a Teen: Tips for Coping
Anxiety is a common problem for teenagers. For some, it can be mild and manageable, while for others it can be quite severe and debilitating. No matter how big or small your anxiety is, there are steps you can take to cope with it. In this blog post, we will discuss some tips for managing anxiety as a teen.
Anxiety is Common for Teenagers
Let's face it, being a teenager inevitably comes with some level of anxiety. There's stress coming at you from every angle. You've got academic pressure, social drama, and the looming specter of adulthood (and all the responsibilities that come with it) to worry about. First relationships. Figuring out your own identity separate from your parents. People constantly asking about your post-high school plans as if you should have things all figured out already. It's no wonder that teenagers have a higher rate of anxiety.
Tips for Teens Managing Anxiety
The good news is that there are things you can do to manage your anxiety. Here are some tips:
Talk to someone who understands
This could be a therapist, counselor, teacher, or trusted adult friend or family member. Honestly, just talking about what's going on can help you feel better. And, once you've thought through the situation, you can start to develop a plan for dealing with your anxiety.
Exercise
Getting regular exercise can help reduce stress and improve your mood. Even just a brisk walk around the block can help. So, if you're feeling anxious , try going for a jog, taking a mindfulness walk at a local park, joining a pick up basketball game or practicing some yoga.
Accept that you're going to feel anxious sometimes
Being present with your feelings, accepting your feelings and making space for your anxiety to simply exist is a core component of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy which many of our therapists use as an effective form of anxiety treatment in our Chicago based counseling practice.
This may seem counterintuitive, but it's important to remember that feeling anxious is normal and even healthy in some situations. It's only when anxiety starts to interfere with your life that it becomes a problem. So, it can be helpful to change how you view your relationship with your own anxiety. First, notice that you're feeling anxious. Ask yourself if there's a reason for the anxiety or if it's just a case of "nerves.
Talk back to your anxious thoughts
This is called "cognitive reframing." Basically, you start with observing the many thoughts that are present and contributing to your anxiety. Then, you challenge anxious thoughts by asking yourself if they are really true. You consider the evidence that supports or contradicts that anxious thoughts. Consider if you're leaving out important information about the situation. Then, consider if there's a more helpful way to view the stressful situation.
For example, if your friend doesn’t respond to a text as quickly as usual and you have the thought “She must be upset about something. What did I even do?” Then, you notice this leads to rethinking your last several conversations and you feel more anxious the longer she goes without texting. If you’re practicing this “talking back to your thoughts,” you might observe that you’ve had this anxiety. Then, you may gently point out to yourself that your friend has had a lot going on right now and think of other reasons she may not be responding very quickly. Then, you may “respond” to your thoughts by thinking, “She’s taking longer to respond than usual and I’m not sure why. There could be a lot of different reasons.”
Get enough sleep
Teens aren't exactly known for getting a ton of sleep. And we get it, there's a lot going on. It often feels like the papers and projects for every class happen to be due at the same time. Or, you're just about to go to bed when a friend texts you and needs to talk about a crisis in their own life. Then, there are the nights you just can't fall asleep because your mind is racing with anxious thoughts. But, not getting enough sleep can make anxiety worse.
Sleep is important for both your physical and mental health. When you're well-rested, you're better able to cope with stress. Essentially, getting enough sleep makes you less vulnerable to stress and anxiety in the moment. And, it gives you the ability to think more clearly when stressful situations do come up. So, while this one doesn't counteract anxious thoughts in the moment, it's very important for the overall management of anxiety.
Consider Adopting a Mindfulness Practice
Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment. There are many different mindfulness exercises you can try, such as meditation, yoga, or simply taking a few minutes each day to focus on your breath and be aware of your surroundings. Anxiety therapists often incorporate mindfulness into teen anxiety treatment teaching basic mindfulness skills in counseling sessions and encouraging clients to regularly practice mindfulness as part of their anxiety management plan..
Deep breathing
Deep breathing is generally done in a mindful way and is a great way to use mindfulness in the moment to manage anxiety.
Deep breathing is simple but effective. When you're feeling anxious, take a few deep breaths and focus on your breath going in and out. There are a variety of breathing techniques you can try such as basic belly breathing, square/box breathing or alternate nostril breathing.
One thing that teenagers often appreciate about deep breathing is you can use deep breathing techniques anywhere and no one knows you're doing it. So, if you're feeling anxious in class or during a test, you can discreetly take some deep breaths to help calm your nerves.
Yoga
Yoga is another mindfulness practice that can be very helpful for managing anxiety. Many teenagers find yoga to be enjoyable. Yoga can help reduce anxiety by teaching you how to focus on the present moment and be more aware of your body and breath. In fact, research has shown yoga to have a wide range of benefits for both mental and physical health.
Other relaxation techniques that help with anxiety
There are many different relaxation techniques that can be helpful in managing anxiety in the moment. Some examples include progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery and mindfulness meditation.
Progressive muscle relaxation is a technique where you tense and relax different muscle groups in your body to help you feel more relaxed.
Guided imagery is a technique where you use your imagination to picture yourself in a relaxing place or situation.
Mindfulness meditation Mindfulness meditation is a type of meditation where you focus on being aware of your thoughts, feelings and surroundings in the present moment. Mindfulness meditation can be helpful for managing anxiety because it allows you to focus on the present moment and observe your thoughts without judgment.
These are just a few examples of relaxation techniques that can be helpful in managing anxiety.
Help for Anxiety
You don't have to suffer from anxiety alone. Everyone needs help sometimes. And the teen years in particular are chuck full of stress and anxiety. So, if your anxiety is starting to hold you back or cause problems for you, now might be time to ask for some help. There are people who care about you and want to help. Anxiety is manageable, but often very difficult to manage alone. While it’s easy to feel alone with your anxiety, consider if there is a caring family member, friend, school counselor, pastor or teacher who will offer a listening ear if you reach out. Then, if you're feeling overwhelmed, reach out for help.
These tips can also be helpful in managing anxiety, but if your anxiety is severe or interfering with your ability to function, it's important to seek professional help and consider going to counseling. When anxiety prevents you from doing the best on your test, negative impacts relationships or holds you back from doing things you enjoy it may be time for counseling. An anxiety therapist can work with you to develop a more comprehensive treatment plan that is tailored to your specific needs.
Anxiety Treatment for Teens in Chicago, IL
If you're looking for an anxiety therapist in Chicago who works well with teens, contact us today. Our therapists would be happy to answer any questions you have about therapy for anxiety and help you get started on the path to recovery.
Our teen therapists believe in providing evidence based therapy. This means that we truly want you to get the most out of counseling sessions. Therefore, our approach to anxiety counseling for teens (and everything else we do) is based on treatment methods that we know from research really do help people improve their mental health.
If you have an anxious teen ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started.
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with a teen therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
Get support watch your teen’s relationship with anxiety change!
Other Mental Health Services in Illinois
We know teens are complex and may be struggling with more than anxiety. Or perhaps there is another member of your family who could also use some extra support right now. The therapists at our Chicago-based counseling practice offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family. In addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more.
Because we offer online therapy, we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals as well as those who identify as a highly sensitive person.
So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for.
What is Self-Care, Really, and What Can it Look Like?
“Self Care” As a Term is Getting Popular
Interest in self-care has been growing of late. According to Google Trends, the number of searches for “self-care” have doubled since 2015. This month the term was at the center of Olympic discourse with Simone Biles withdrawing from her events for her self-care. “Do your self-care” is a mantra in the mental health field. Its meaning is relatively easy to figure out: take care of yourself.
But what does self care really look like?
But what does that mean, really, and what does it look like? The World Health Organization (WHO) defines self-care as “the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.” As you can see, self-care is actually a broad concept that encompasses all aspects of a person’s life including hygiene, nutrition, and even environmental and socioeconomic factors.
In simpler terms, as the medically reviewed everydayhealth.com describes it, self-care is taking care of yourself so you can be healthy, well, do your job, help and care for others, and accomplish the things you want to in a day. As Brighid Courtney of the Wellness Council of America say:
“When self-care is regularly practiced, the benefits are broad and have even been linked to positive health outcomes such as reduced stress, improved immune system, increased productivity, and higher self-esteem.”
Self Care is Not Just “Treating Yourself”
Let’s start by making one thing clear: self-care is not the same as self-indulgence. The rallying cry of social media self-care seems to be “treat yourself!” While treating oneself is certainly an aspect of a solid self-care regime, spa days, booze, and retail therapy are not the end all and be all of self-care. Especially if they are just too expensive for you to do on the regular.
Self-care requires having some understanding of what makes yourself tick. What sorts of things make you feel recharged, replenished, and happy?
Maybe its cooking. Maybe it’s definitely not cooking. Maybe it’s living it up Friday night and then taking Saturday to yourself. Maybe it’s time with your kids and time without your kids. There are those opposites again. I have yet to meet a parent who does not savor both time with and away from their children.
Types of Self Care
As you may have gathered from the WHO definition above there are different types of self-care. Let’s take a look at a few so we can get closer to that answer of what self-care can look like:
Emotional Self-Care
This can include positive self-talk, a monthly massage, weekly bubble bath, saying “no” to things that cause unnecessary stress (including work requests!), scheduling a regular lunch date with a friend, or giving yourself permission to take a break.
Physical Self-Care
Physical self care can mean getting enough sleep on the regular, eating nourishing foods, finding some sort of exercise/physical activity routine that you can actually stick with (make it something you like rather than a chore), and getting your annual physical with your doctor.
Spiritual Self-Care
Spiritual self-care can be attending religious services but it can also be taking time to meditate or find a “guided imagery” video on YouTube, identifying three good things that happen each day, or keeping a gratitude journal or photo series. This can also include spending time in nature or any place that is peaceful for you.
Temporary Self-Care
These are acts or activities wherein you will benefit but the act but the benefit does not last for long after you finish. This could be the social connection of time with a friend or the calming effect of listening to a favorite playlist or taking a ten-minute break at work.
Enduring Self-Care
These acts have longer-term effects. This could mean reducing or quitting cigarettes, regular exercise that maintains muscle tone as you age or strengthens your heart. This could also mean mindfulness practices that over time lead to physical brain changes. Identifying three good things every day is one of my favorite mindfulness practices to teach clients because it is simple to do, takes little time, and has had demonstrable positive effects.
A Quick Aside for Three Good Things
I feel I should explain what this activity is as I have mentioned it twice. “Three good things” is any good thing that happened throughout the day. They do not have to be big like the completion of a project at work. And they are certainly not negatives wrapped in a positive like “My boss didn’t yell at me today.”
They are little things like:
· The sky is blue today.
· I saw a dog.
· I made it through that light before it turned yellow.
· A song I like played on the radio.
· A meme made me laugh.
I encourage clients to write these things down at first. Not necessarily to keep but to take note of and make sure they hit three a day. Over time one becomes able to find the three good things automatically, and frequently it becomes far more than just three things.
Let’s Summarize
At the end of the day, self-care is anything that helps you de-stress, carve out time for yourself, and bring you happiness. Even if it is just stepping outside to take a deep breath – that is quality self-care!
It can also be making daily tasks more enjoyable. You can pick a soap you particularly like the smell of and focus on the physical sensations of showering: the feeling of water hitting your skin, the sound within your shower, the smell of your soap… for even 10 minutes in the shower this is a more mindful and centering way to go about it rather than letting your brain run hog wild over all the stressful things awaiting you today.
Self Care Resources
If you would like more resources on the various ways you can do self-care here are just a few to get your started on this extensive topic:
Self-Care and Self-Compassion from U. of Toledo
9 Signs You Need Better Self-Care and May Be a Trauma Survivor
Taking Mindfulness Walks in the Chicago, IL area
Why Does Self-Care Sometimes Feel So Hard?
Why Self-Care Can Help You Manage Stress
7 Elements of Self-Care from Silver Hill Hospital
Here at Obsidian, our therapists love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. If you ever need help or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact us at the following:
Self-Harm: A Symptom Not A Disorder
Self-harm, also called self-injury, is not an uncommon or new phenomenon. An estimated 2 million Americans engage in some form of self-injury. An analysis across 40 countries identified 17% of all people will self-harm during their lifetimes. The average age of first incident is 13 but individuals as young has 5 have been reported, and although young white women are the typical face of self-injury as many as 35% are men.
It can be very upsetting to learn a friend or family member has engaged in self-harm and difficult to understand. The purpose of this month’s blog post is to educate on what self-harm is and is not, separate the fact from the myths, and to provide some guiding resources on how to help a loved one who is self-harming.
What is Self-Harm?
By definition, self-harm is the deliberate act of harming one’s own body without suicidal intent. That is an important take away from this post: self-harm is not a failed suicide attempt. Self-harm, in many ways, is the anti-suicide. That being said, accidental suicide can happen particularly when an individual is under the influence of a substance. A common cause is cutting deeper than intended.
It is also important to understand that self-injury is not a mental disorder. It is a symptom of deeper distress and is a coping mechanism, which will be elaborated on below.
What are Common Myths about Self Harm?
I am starting off with the myths. I will explain some of these in further detail however, suffice to say, if it is on this list it is not true. For fuller explanations of each of these myths please visit The Recovery Village and this handout from Samaritans.org.
Specific self harm myths –
1) Self-harm is rare.
2) Young people self-harm to fit in.
3) It’s a way to manipulate others.
4) Only “emos” self-harm.
5) It’s just a phase that will soon be grown out of.
6) It’s just a bid for attention.
7) People who self-harm want to die.
8) Self-harm is a failed suicide attempt.
9) Only those who have been sexually abused self-harm.
10) All people who self-harm have been abused.
11) People who self-harm do not feel pain.
12) Self-harm is not treatable.
Why Do People Self-Harm?
In short, a person’s primary reason for self-harm generally fits into two rather broad categories:
1) Feeling too much emotion
2) Not feeling enough emotion
How either of these states comes into being requires a rather long answer. The summary is either a person does not know how to self-regulate their emotions (see point 1) and self-harm helps them with this, or, a person feels so numb inside that the pain from self-harm shows them “At least I’m still alive,” (see point 2) as one of my clients described it.
What Exactly is Self-Harm?
The general definition of self harm is any action deliberately harming oneself physically as a way of dealing with difficult or overwhelming emotions.
How do People Self-Harm?
There are a number of ways in which people can self harm. Cutting is the most common. However, other methods include burning, scratching, hair pulling, biting, picking at skin and wounds, and hitting one’s self and/or head.
Self-Harm as a Coping Tool
I tell all my clients the brain’s number one concern is our immediate survival. This is where I marvel at our brains. Our brains work so hard to protect us that they will come up with anything, do anything, as long as it works to protect us right here, right now. Because if we do not survive right now we are not going to be alive later to decide whether or not we regret what we just did.
The mind—which I conceptualize as our logical part with our critical thinking and problem-solving parts—decides whether or not something is a good idea. The problem is, even if the mind knows self-harm is a bad idea, as most who engage in self-harm know this, it needs to come up with a better alternative in order for the brain not to choose self-harm. Simply knowing “This is a bad idea” is not enough.
How many times have we heard dialogue like this in a movie?
“This is crazy!”
“Do you have a better idea?”
A similar conversation goes on between the brain and the mind.
Why is Self-Harm a Coping Tool?
First, why it works. Harm to the body increases adrenaline and endorphin production. This induces both a greater sense of control and a relaxation effect. These, in turn, help to tolerate one’s emotions and regulate the nervous system.
There are many reasons why a person may not have learned how to regulate their emotions and nervous system:
· It can be due to trauma throughout childhood.
· It could be due to parents who likewise do not know how to regulate their emotions and thus never modeled it for their child.
· It could also be a child getting lost in the shuffle of family life. Think “middle child syndrome.”
· It could also be a person who, for one reason or another, finds intense emotion distressing.
For those who feel numb and dead inside severe depression and trauma are frequently the root causes.
How Do I Help Someone Who Self Harms?
There is a lot of information out there on how you can help your loved ones if you suspect they are self-harming. Below is a few suggestions. For more information on each them please visit Banner Health and Mental Health First Aid.org. There are also more resources as the bottom of this post.
1) Avoid judgement
2) Reassure and be supportive
3) Express your concern comes from caring
4) Provided educational information/resources
5) Seek understanding
6) Do not dismiss
7) Do not ask for promises
8) Try to be accepting and normalize
9) Encourage professional help
Counseling & Help For Self Harm in the Chicago Area
As a therapist, I have worked with many, many clients who do or have self-harmed. If you like to speak to me or Ilyssa, or any other therapist on the Obsidian Counseling team, about helping you or a loved one with symptoms like this please do not hesitate to reach out to us. We offer online therapy to individuals in the Chicago area and throughout Illinois.
Take the steps below to begin therapy:
OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. We won’t judge you, and we assume there are reasons for all of your actions…even self harm. We’re here to help you find healing and make meaningful change in your life. Our therapists are honored to help guide folks, including teenagers, along their healing process. Specifically, we help people in addressing anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. Additionally, we specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.
About the Author/Therapist
Kari Holman is an LCPC in Illinois who believes you are the expert on your own mental health. She is able to help clients with a wide range of mental health concerns and specializes in providing counseling and psychotherapy services to the Latinx and LGBTQIA communities. If you’re interested in working directly with Kari, or have any questions about this blog post, please call (847) 450-0460 or email her at kariholmancounseling@gmail.com.
Other Resources Related to Self Harm
For more resources on how to help someone who self-harms, including what to say or not say, please see the follow:
Self.com – 5 Helpful Things to Say to a Friend Who Self-Harms (and 3 to Avoid)