5 Tips for Parents To Ease Back To School Anxiety from a Parent Counselor
It always feels like summer just started, whether its on the last day of school or the last week before school reopens. Living in Chicago, we go through the grueling 7, 8 maybe even 9 months of winter, knowing that summer will be waiting with open arms, with the warm lake Michigan’s breeze, lush lawns, beautiful flowers (especially at the Chicago Botanic Gardens), music and art festivals, hikes and so many things.
We also know that the end of summer brings the return to routine: the start of school, a year of learning and growing, of after-school activities, Fall Ball games, tutors and the mad rush of juggling work, home, and kids’ activities.
So as August rolls around, it is only natural to feel a sense of urgency to soak in every bit of sun and fun. As the weather turns we may find ourselves with a little sadness realizing that we (the kids especially) have grown up a tad bit more.
Back To School Anxiety
The anticipation of getting back to school can trigger an uptick in anxiety in children. If your child comes to you with, ‘Do I HAVE to go to school?’ or ‘Can I just stay home with you?’, know that these questions are normal. Changed and adjustment from summer mode to school mode can be really challenging for all of us. Given that we are still struggling with the aftermath of a pandemic and other such social uncertainties and the overwhelming impact it has had on our mental health, some extra anxiety among children can be expected.
WHAT IS ANXIETY, Again?
Anxiety is a common human emotion of fear, worry and apprehension about what is to come. It is not indicative of any underlying condition or disorder. It can be mild and fleeting or severe and debilitating.
A certain amount of anxiety that is proportionate to the situation you are in can have a positive impact. It is hardwired into our brains (hello, neurons) and helps us be alert and aware so we can detect and attend to threats and avoid danger. These warning properties of anxiety help us focus on important details when making life-changing decisions such as buying a home, interviewing for a new job, or deciding to move to a new city. Do we mull over these choices, playing out every scenario and listing out pros and cons? Yes! That’s our anxiety and it makes us feel secure in our choices afterwards. Imagine feeling no anxiety. You would sift through these decisions with minimal considerations and might end up missing some important detail.
Anxiety can also be a motivation booster and can enhance performance. Research shows that school athletes who have a little anxiety do better at their sporting events. This is due to the surge in adrenaline and the action of the sympathetic nervous system that gets our heart pumping and pushes us to do our very best.
However, some of us find it hard to control our anxiety and it becomes second nature to us. Always feeling on edge and keyed up with worrying thoughts can affect daily life and can be draining.
HOW DOES ANXIETY SHOW UP IN KIDS?
Anxiety does not discriminate on the basis of age. It can be seen in people ranging from infancy to adulthood.
Back to school anxiety is common and understandable. It is familiar and age old, that is a rite of passage for every school-going kid and their parent(s). Even the most easy-going kid has some butterflies in their stomach on the first day of school. Be it the transition from summer to school, starting school for the first time, a new school, absence of a friend in class, past experiences with a bully, etc., young children have a lot on their minds. Teens worry about navigating peer and group friendships, romantic relationships, an increase in workload and academic expectations, to name just a few.
Some children get over these anxious concerns fairly quickly as they settle into a routine and make friends, while others struggle a little more. As a parent, you can look for signs to gauge if your child needs additional help to better understand and support them in this transition.
WHAT DOES A PARENT COUNSELOR RECOMMEND YOU LOOK FOR?
Anxiety can take on different faces, making it complex to identify. It can be easier to identify in a nervous or clingy child, a child who needs constant reassurance, or in a child who starts having trouble with bedwetting. Other times, it can be hard to identify or pinpoint because it looks like something else altogether. Some of the signs, you and teachers can look out for are:
Inattention:
Very often, fidgetiness and squirminess are jotted down as symptoms of ADHD. But an anxious child can display these very same phenomena as a result of their worried thoughts, making it hard for them to concentrate in class.
Disruptive behavior:
When children are feeling anxious and don’t know how to regulate their emotions, the amygdala, which is the part of the brain that controls stress responses, automatically gets activated. This releases hormones that prepare the body for a flight or fight response. So, when a child is anxious in school, it can show up as aggressiveness such as picking fights, throwing tantrums or breaking things.
Falling behind on homework:
Anxious children are often very self-critical. They doubt their abilities and are scared to be judged by their peers and/or their teachers. As a result, they don’t want to turn in their homework and/or can fall behind on their schoolwork. This behavior can sometimes be mistaken for laziness or disinterest.
Falling sick often:
Anxiety can cause an increased heart rate, sweatiness of the palms and shortness of breath. It can also present as a bunch of symptoms that affect our physical body, perhaps not as obviously as the ones listed above. If a child is having unexplained headaches, upset stomach, muscle soreness and/or nausea, these could be symptoms of anxiety.
TIPS FOR PARENTS FROM A PARENT COUNSELOR
As parents, you can help ease your children into the new school year. Encouraging them to share their thoughts about what troubles them and validating them is a great way to keep the door open for future conversations. Some children will be ready to share every minute detail of their day with you, while others will answer in monosyllables or single-word responses. Either way, they are taking it in and listening to you. You are showing them that you are there for them and are ready to have discussions on feelings and emotions.
A few strategies that have proved useful for me have been:
Preparing for the new school routine:
Summer times call for movie nights, beach trips and late bedtimes. For young children, talking about the start of the school year a few weeks prior and preparing them for the upcoming routine can help. Think about using a ‘social story’ which allows you use story telling to walk them through what they should expect during the first day of school. It may sound something like this:
Tomorrow morning you will wake up for school. You may feel different feelings. I will walk into your room and say good morning to you and give you a big hug! You will then go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, have some eggs for breakfast and we walk together to school.
When we get to school, your teacher will say hello to you and you will sit with your friends on the lawn until everyone is ready to go inside together. Then, you will spend the day learning in your classroom, have lunch, and soon enough I will be back at 3:00 p.m. to pick you up from school.
You can include any information you want in the social story. You can even include information about bathroom breaks during school, cafeteria chaos, standing in lunch lines, and packing up for dismissal in the social story.
Additionally, we start going to bed at the time we would on a ‘school night’. Less sleep can cause crankiness and increase vulnerability to anxiety. A few weeks before school starts, we visit the school a few times and talk about school bus schedules, pickups, and after-school activities. We slowly start ‘screen withdrawal’ a few days before start of school.
Being positive:
We talk about the things we miss about school – favorite teachers, PE classes, art activities and playground time. We go shopping for school supplies together and maybe get a new lunch bag or school bag and pick out a back-to-school outfit. These activities can help kids focus on exciting things to look forward to that are associated with school.
Connecting with friends:
Assure your kids that they are not alone. Their friends are probably ‘nervous-excited’ too about the start of school.
We try to meet with a couple of friends at a playground the week before school starts to help them get back in touch with each other. The first day back to school can be a great day to meet other parents in your child’s class and to exchange phone numbers to set up future playdates.
Extra TLC the first few weeks:
The first few weeks back at school is hard for most kids. We get ice cream or have a picnic in our backyard to celebrate the first day of school. We can help our kids transition smoothly by having a parent or a family member be home when they are done with school in the initial days, to talk about all the things that happened at school.
Most Importantly- Being kind to yourself:
Back to school can be taxing and exhausting for parents as well. Take some time for self-care and relax. When your child sees a calm and smiling parent, waiting to hear all about their day, it can help ease their anxiety. But also remember that it is natural to feel frustrated and anxious yourself when dealing with a child, who is throwing a tantrum or refusing to listen. Reminding ourselves that these can be signs of anxiety and stepping away from the situation to practice some mindful breathing can model calming behaviors to our children.
SCHOOL ANXIETY IN MIDDLE- AND HIGH SCHOOLERS
In addition to the stressors that elementary school-aged children face, preteens and teens have the added stress of knowing what is happening in the broader world through social media. The number of thoughts that these young people deal with while carving out and coming into their own identities is many. Anxiety in this age group can be exhibited as challenging behaviors like rebellion, defying authority, skipping school or even self-harm.
We have a whole blog on how anxiety presents in teens, the strategies that will help them, and when to seek counseling.
WHEN TO START COUNSELING FOR PARENTS OR TEENS
Back-to-school anxiety should settle down after the first few weeks of the start of school. If it persists and starts to interfere with your child’s willingness and ability to participate in daily activities like going to school, extracurricular classes, sports, and other social relationships, it might be time to get some help for your child. Your pediatrician or school counselor can help find a mental health professional who specializes in childhood anxiety.
Thankfully, anxiety can be managed well when you and your child have the right coping tools in your back pocket. You don’t have to do it alone. There are plenty of resources available to support you and your child’s journey to wellness.
Teen and Parent Counseling Services in Chicago, IL
At Obsidian Counseling, we have experienced therapists who can help you and your child with combating these school stressors and helping in a path to recovery. We will be happy to answer any questions your family may have about counseling for anxiety.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or need help working through some of life's challenges, please reach out for counseling services. If you live in the state of Illinois, our Glencoe & Chicago-based therapists would love to help. Our therapists believe in providing evidence-based therapy with compassionate empathy and a nonjudgemental approach to sessions.
If you are ready to begin therapy, please take the steps below to get started:
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with a therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
Begin working toward better mental health!
Other Mental Health Services in Illinois
Our therapists offer a wide range of mental health services to support your entire family focusing on providing evidence-based care including incorporating mindfulness as well as other effective therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and EMDR. addition to anxiety treatment and teen therapy, we also offer counseling for depression, teen counseling, parent counseling, trauma therapy, therapy for work burnout & more. Because we offer online therapy, we are able to help anyone in the state of Illinois. And, our therapists specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.
So, whatever your mental health needs may be, if you live in Illinois we'd love to provide you the support you're looking for.