Covid-19 is Taking Away Our Mourning and Messing with Our Grief – What Do We Do?
Grief and mourning are two of the most difficult things to work through and are, in my opinion, categorically tragic. Grief frequently lays heavy on us and we may feel as if we will never feel happiness or normalcy like we used to. Mourning is the process through which we express and work through our grief.
Typically, when we speak of grief and mourning it is in regards to the passing of a loved one. While there is an unlimited number of other things that can be grieved and mourned, we are going to stick with this one.
Rituals for Mourning Help us Process Loss & are a Part of Healthy Grief
Every culture has a procedure for mourning and putting the deceased to rest. That is, funerals. For Midwestern European-Americans that can mean waiting up to a week for everyone to gather together followed by a wake, a funeral, flowers, and enough casseroles for the grieving family to feed a small army. For some Jewish families here in the US the deceased is watched over from death to burial as well as ritually washed and clothed in a white shroud being laid to rest. Mexican-American traditional can involve friends and family holding a vigil.
Funerals help with grief. Funerals allow for a community grieving process that is important for healing, and ensures individuals do not feel alone in their grief.
But what happens when there is no funeral? What happens when friends and other loved ones cannot gather around the mourning? The result is incredibly isolating. The result is prolonged grief.
An update to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), the document that codifies mental health diagnoses, is due this March. This new DSM-5-TR will include a revised diagnostic understanding of complicated grief under the name Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD)
Instances of PGD have exploded since the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic. Not only have Covid caused a staggering amount of death, restrictions on large gatherings in the interest of public health and safety have hijacked our mourning processes.
What is This Doing to Us?
Funerals have been integral to the grief process for, at minimum, 78,000 years. What does it do to us when we don’t have it? It arrests our grief. It inhibits our ability to re-engage with life. Grief should diminish overtime. While one does not “get over” a death, most of us are eventually able to integrate into a life without that person in it.
For some, though, that does not happen. Instead of grief diminishing over time it lasts without reprieve for years and sometimes decades. This is prolonged grief. As a result, sufferers may be unable to maintain their job, care for other loved ones or family members, or even leave their home because the grief has so incapacitated them.
Before the pandemic, PGD affected about 10% of bereaved individuals. Since then that number has skyrocketed. This study from China published in 2021 found an increased prevalence of PGD has high as 37%.
What is Prolonged Grief?
The Mayo Clinic describes complicated grief (soon to be reclassified as prolonged grief) as “painful emotions [that] are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble recovering from the loss and resuming your own life.”
The World Health Organization (WHO) describes prolonged grief as a pervasive longing for the deceased or a “persistent preoccupation with the deceased accompanied by intense emotional pain.” The feelings of continued grief will far exceed the social, cultural, or religious norms for that person’s culture and context.
A person experiencing prolonged grief will have difficulties enjoying their regular social activities and hobbies or interests. They will experience an overall reduced capacity to feel positivity and struggle to accept the death of the loved one.
What Are the Symptoms of Prolonged Grief Disorder?
Thus far, PGD can be identified by a combination of the following:
· Persistent/pervasive longing for or preoccupation with the deceased
· Severe emotional pain that can include
o guilt
o anger
o sadness
· Difficulty accepting the death
· Emotional numbness
· A sense that part of them has been lost
· An inability to experience positive mood
· Difficulty participating in social activities
If you are unsure whether you or someone you know is experiencing PDG, please contact a mental health professional.
What Can I Do to Help Myself or Another Grieving Person?
The CDC offers some advice on how to navigate grief and mourning in the absence of our normal procedures. Some of this includes:
Connect with Others in Whatever Way Possible –
1. Invite others to call you or have a conference call/FaceTime/Zoom with family and friends to stay connected
2. Ask family and friends to share stories, pictures, videos with you over the phone, through email, social media, etc.
3. Coordinate a date and time to gather friends and family to honor your loved one.
Create Memories or Rituals –
1. Create a virtual memory book, blog, or webpage to remember your loved one and ask others to contribute
2. Take part in an activity that has significant to you and/or the loved one who passed. This could be making a favorite meal, watching a favorite movie, planting a tree, etc.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Others for Help –
1. Find grief counseling or other mental health services
a. Including support groups or hotlines
b. **Support may be listed as “complicated grief”
2. Find spiritual support from faith-based organizations if applicable to you.
Who Can I Call for Help when I am Grieving?
You can, of course, contact our therapists here at Obsidian at either obsidiancounseling@gmail.com or at (224) 255-4411.
You can also try any of these grief resources:
1. Grief Recovery Institute Hotline: 1-800-445-4808
2. SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
3. National Crisis Text line: Text HOME to 741741
4. TAPS grief hotline for military: 1-800-959-TAPS (8277)
Where Can I Get More Information About Grief & Prolonged Grief Disorder?
If you would like to read more about Covid-19 and PGD here are a few places to get you stated:
Treatment of Complicated Grief: A Randomized Controlled Trial by Shear, Frank, Houck, et. al
Rochester Regional Health Grief and Loss Toolkit
The Center for Prolonged Grief
Counseling for Prolonged Grief Disorder During Covid & Beyond in Illinois
Here at Obsidian, our therapists love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. We often work with people who are grieving using evidence based counseling methods such as EMDR. If you live in the Chicago area or anywhere in Illinois and ever need professional mental health help or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact us.